Los Angeles, CA–A telling comic from Roy Schneider’s “The Humble Stumble’ series. The comic is about a single dad raising his daughter. Thanks to Michael, a reader, for sending it.
Los Angeles, CA–I was recently contacted by a reporter who is looking for divorced fathers who feel their place in their families and their kids’ lives has been usurped by their ex-wives’ new husbands. According to the reporter:
“The piece will be on stepfathers and how they complicate the father/child relationship…guys who feel usurped in their role, not men who feel that the stepfather is abusive.”
If this is you, please send me a 100 word summary by clicking here.
Interestingly, we have discussed several Country & Western songs about divorced dads which center on this theme. A couple examples are:
1) Country and Western singer Toby Keith’s Who’s That Man?. (If you want to shed a tear, watch the last 20 seconds of this video.)
2) Doug Supernaw’s ‘I Don’t Call Him Daddy’.
Dallas, TX–“In 2004, CPS investigators found that the boys were unkempt and wore dirty clothes. Officials provided Ms. Busby with services including day care, food, clothing, help with utilities, and parenting skills training.
“The following year, investigators received a report of a domestic violence incident between Ms. Busby and her then-boyfriend. She was arrested, and the two boys were placed in foster care.
“They remained there for several months until a judge returned them to Ms. Busby…
“Her criminal history includes charges of assault, trespassing and burglary.
“In 2002, Ms. Busby was sentenced to a year in the county jail after finding another woman in her boyfriend’s home, attacking her with a knife, and stealing her purse.
“In 2005, she was accused of scratching a Dallas County detention officer. That case is pending.”
A knife attack, arrests for domestic violence, assault and burglary–nice lady. One can see why CPS would give her her kids.
I wonder where the kids’ dad(s) are? Did they abandon their kids? Or were they driven away by this violent, dangerous, vicious lunatic? If anybody hears anything, please let me know.
The article quoted above is the Dallas Morning News’ Family was on a rocky road before mother flung boys, self from I-30 overpass (3/13/08). Note the way the reporter describes the would-be murderer as “troubled”–a word generally not applied to men who murder children.
Los Angeles, CA–Background: In April, I called your attention to a new, damaging Parental Alienation bill in the California legislature in my co-authored column AB 612 Will Make It Harder to Protect Children from Parental Alienation (Riverside Press-Enterprise, 4/2/07).
Fathers & Families’ legislative representative Michael Robinson helped lead successful opposition to AB 612, and the bill died last summer.
In January, I was contacted by Dan Abendschein of the San Gabriel Valley Newspaper Group here in Los Angeles regarding parents who have been alienated from their children after a divorce or separation. In this blog post I asked readers who fit the description to email me so I could pass it on to Dan, and many of you responded with stories of your experiences.
Dan’s article on Parental Alienation came out a few days ago, and is linked and excerpted below.
To write a Letter to the Editor regarding the story, click here.
SGVN owns several papers in the greater Los Angeles area.
Bill addresses theory used in custody cases
By Dan Abendschein, Staff Writer
SGVN, 03/09/2008
A state bill that would set guidelines for child custody cases has highlighted a nearly 20-year-old dispute over a theory used by psychological evaluators.
The bill, AB 612, which failed to pass into law in 2007, targeted the controversial theory, called Parental Alienation Syndrome. The syndrome describes behavior where one parent turns a child against the other, convincing the child the parent has treated him or her badly, even when they have not.
Dr. Philip Stahl, a California evaluator and member of the state’s Association of Family & Conciliation Courts, says evaluators are split in their beliefs about whether children can be alienated.
“You have evaluators who really don’t understand alienation, and people who want to apply it in every case,” said Stahl.
Evaluators are not the only ones with differing views on the issue: there are stalwart advocates who believe that hundreds of people have suffered because of parental alienation, and those who believe just as many have suffered from false charges of the syndrome.
Women’s group advocates say the theory has been used by courts to place children with abusive fathers, and strip mothers of their custodial rights.
“It’s junk science used to target women and take their custody rights away,” said Karen Anderson, a spokesperson for the California Protective Parent’s Association. “It’s a problem in courts all over the country.”
Julia Cotton, a mother from Los Angeles County, said that a custody evaluation in her divorce case accused her of alienation and led to her young daughter being placed with her husband full time.
“Her recommendation led to me only getting my daughter for supervised visits,” said Cotton. “When I saw her she acted traumatized and seemed totally out of it.”
Cotton said she suspected that her ex-husband was abusing her daughter in some way, but didn’t know what to do about it.
“I knew that the more I tried to do something about it, the more I would be accused of alienation,” she said.
While woman’s groups tout Cotton’s story as a typical one throughout California, father’s rights groups have a polar-opposite view of custody courts and alienation.
“Ninety-eight percent of the time that you see abuse charges that have not been verified by police, those allegations are coached,” said J. Michael Kelly, a Los Angeles County lawyer, and member of the United Fathers of California law group.
One father from the San Gabriel Valley in the middle of a custody battle who asked to be called Norm said his two teenage daughters say they don’t want to have anything to do with him, and he can’t figure out why.
“They call me a violent man, they say I am aggravating,” said Norm. “I had a bad custody evaluator and now I barely see them.”
Norm said he believes his wife is genuinely convinced that he does not treat their kids well.
“I don’t think she is trying to be vindictive,” he said. “I just think in her mind, there is some deeper mental problem that is convincing her I’d be bad for the kids.”
The text of the 2007 version of AB 612 was drafted by the CPPA and explicitly banned the use of Parental Alienation Syndrome, or just the term alienation from use in evaluations. It also aimed to minimize the use of custody evaluations.
The family law section of the state bar and several psychologists groups banded together to oppose the bill.
The 2008 version of the bill is much vaguer than its predecessor, stating evaluators will be forced to conform to “standards generally accepted by the medical, psychiatric, legal, and psychological communities.” The bill does not specifically mention Parental Alienation Syndrome.
“The thinking was that if you mentioned specific syndromes or disorders, people who would use them in evaluations would just start calling them by a different name,” said Ira Ruskin, D-Redwood City, who introduced the bill.
But, Karen Anderson, who helped draft the original bill, said the new version, labeled AB 2587, is not strong enough.
Read the full article here.
Los Angeles, CA–“When Ricky was 16, he went to a teen club and met a girl named Amanda, who said she was the same age. They hit it off and were eventually having sex. At the time Ricky thought it was a pretty normal high school romance. “Two years later, Ricky is a registered sex offender, and his life is destroyed.“Amanda turned out to be 13. Ricky was arrested, tried as an adult, and pleaded guilty to the charge of lascivious acts with a child, which is a class D felony in Iowa. It is not disputed that the sex was consensual, but intercourse with a 13-year-old is illegal in Iowa.“Ricky was sentenced to two years probation and 10 years on the Iowa online sex offender registry.
Ricky and his family have since moved to Oklahoma, where he will remain on the state”s public registry for life.“Being labeled a sex offender has completely changed Ricky”s life, leading him to be kicked out of high school, thrown out of parks, taunted by neighbors, harassed by strangers, and unable to live within 2,000 feet of a school, day-care center or park. He is prohibited from going to the movies or mall with friends because it would require crossing state borders, which he cannot do without permission from his probation officer. One of Ricky”s neighbors called the cops on him, yelled and cursed at him, and videotaped him every time he stepped outside, Ricky said. “‘It affects you in every way,’ he said. ‘You”re scared to go out places. You”re on the Internet, so everybody sees your picture.'” Excellent article by Hanna Ingber Win on the way innocent teenage boys can have their lives destroyed for relationships which, in any normal country, nobody would think twice about. The story is Is Ricky Really a Sex Offender? California”s registry for life may soon include promiscuous kids (2/20/08). Thanks to Michael, a reader, for sending the story.
Sacramento, CA–Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference “From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence” was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.
Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment’s stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.
I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog–to learn more, click here.
During the conference, Dr. Jennifer Langhinrichsen-Rohling of the University of South Alabama explained that many women who stay with their batterers or abusers are not staying out of fear or because of their kids. “Love has a lot to do with it,” she said.
I thought this was an interesting quote at the time, and today I saw a story which brings Langhinrichsen-Rohling’s assertion to life. From the article Salma Hayek’s Domestic Violence Experience:
“Salma Hayek (pictured) leaped at the chance to support a domestic violence campaign, after witnessing abuse as a child. Hayek was shocked to see her father attacked after he had tried to intervene in a fight in the streets between a husband and wife.
“The 5’4” actress – who is spokesmodel for a new V-Day campaign – tells Glamour magazine, ‘The first time I saw domestic violence firsthand was when I was in Mexico, taking a walk with my family, and we came upon a man beating up this woman.’
“My father intervened and fought the man and won. I remember thinking, ‘Oh my God, my father is a hero.’ Then the woman turned around and started beating up my father.
“I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. After that I became very intrigued with what makes a woman stay in an abusive relationship. How does her spirit break?”
I’m not sure if a “broken spirit” is the proper explanation. Langhinrichsen-Rohling explained that during her research she had wondered why some of the women were leaving a battered women’s shelter in less than a week. The answer, she said, is that they too were engaging in violence against their partners, and in some cases had left to pick up the battle again. Jennifer explained, “We weren’t helping these women because we were ignoring their paradigm.”
Since the woman in Hayek’s story promptly began beating up Hayek’s father, it seems plausible that the woman Hayek’s father tried to save was not exactly a victim, but instead a woman in a mutually abusive relationship. That does not, of course, excuse her husband for his abuse of his wife and his use of his superior strength against her.
Langhinrichsen-Rohling specializes in Juvenile, Family, and Intimate Partner Violence. Her email address is jlr@usouthal.edu.
South Bend, IN–
Nine years in prison for failing to pay child support? Nine years? Plus 15 more on probation. Seems very harsh, even if the guy really was guilty which, when dealing with the child support system, is often questionable. Maybe Charles Gillam (pictured) really was an irresponsible creep who earned a good income but chose to let his babies starve. I suspect, however, that he may instead have been just one more low-income minority father who got caught up in the abusive child support system. Probably it was some combination of both.
The story is below. To learn more about the child support system and its abuses, click here. A question–this is the longest prison term I remember for child support–does anybody know of a case with a longer one? Man $120,000 behind in child support gets 9-year sentence in South Bend By Tiffany Griffin South Bend Tribune, 3/7/08 SOUTH BEND — A 34-year-old South Bend man was sentenced to serve nine years in prison for not paying child support. Charles Gillam also was ordered by a St. Joseph Circuit Court magistrate to be placed on probation for 15 years upon his release from prison. He was more than $120,000 in arrears as of Jan. 31, according to a news release from the St. Joseph County prosecutor”s office. Gillam pleaded guilty in 2007 to three counts of non-support of a dependent child, a Class C felony.
England–“Dr Josephine Quintavalle, of the pressure group Comment on Reproductive Ethics, said: ‘We do not condone deceit, but it does show how desperate women are often to get pregnant.’
“She added: ‘If men give their consent to the creation of embryos, I don’t think they should be able to withdraw their consent.'”
When a man does something wrong, he’s bad. When a woman does, she’s desperate. In the story below, the word “desperate” is used twice in a 515 word story, lest anyone read a few paragraphs and be tempted to hold the woman accountable for her actions.
Thanks to Malcolm, a reader, for the story.
Husband discovered he was a father of two after estranged wife forged his signature in IVF deception
By Colin Fernandez
Daily Mail, 3/7/08
A husband is threatening legal action after his estranged wife twice gave birth without his consent by using frozen embryos created while they were still together.
The woman deceived a world-renowned IVF clinic into fertilising her on two occasions by forging her husband’s signature on a consent form.
Her husband only learned he was the genetic father when one of the children became seriously ill and a relative broke ranks and contacted him.
Research shows that an increasing number of women desperate to conceive are duping clinics to be fertilised with eggs for which their former partners have not given consent.
Bourn Hall Clinic, in Cambridge, where the world’s first “test-tube baby”, Louise Brown, was conceived, confirmed it had been contacted by lawyers representing the father.
Dr Thomas Mathews, the clinic medical director, said: “There has been a case where a woman deceived us into implanting embryos without her husband’s consent.
“The Human Fertility and Embryology Authority recommends that husbands are present, but it is not a legal requirement…
A spokesman for the HFEA said it believed the legal safeguards to ensure both the father and a mother of a frozen embryo had given their consent were sufficient.
John Paul Maytum, of the HFEA, said: “The systems are there to ensure the proper consent is obtained. It is up to the clinics to implement them.”
He added that either partner could withdraw consent to stop the other using a frozen embryo held at an IVF clinic.
“Of course when a relationship breaks up it is probably not the first thing that a person thinks of,” he said.
Mr Maytum said that in the 17 years of the HFEA’s existence there had been very few similar cases.
However, recent research by St Bartholomew’s Hospital in London, suggests that half of British fertility clinics are being duped into treating patients using false identities.
Many clinics believe they may have experienced fraud such as patients lying about their age or the true identity of the potential father, said researchers.
Dr Josephine Quintavalle, of the pressure group Comment on Reproductive Ethics, said: “We do not condone deceit, but it does show how desperate women are often to get pregnant.”
She added: “If men give their consent to the creation of embryos, I don’t think they should be able to withdraw their consent.”
Read the full article here.
Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families’ latest News Digest.
20 Oregon parents arrested for child support lapses (Associated Press, 3-9-08)
No jail for man who owes $462K in support (United Press International, 3-11-08)
Wife stabs husband in Phoenix during talk about divorce (ABC, 3-11-08)
Teen tries to help others cope with divorce (The News & Observer, 3-11-08)
Law requires cooling off period after domestic violence arrests (Associated Press, 3-13-08)
Court dismisses all charges of contempt for unpaid child support against Richard Lorden, a long beach businessman (California Newswire, 3-14-08)
Getting back in the dating scene after divorce (CBS, 3-15-08)
Lend a Hand: One Place program helps fathers support their children (Tuscaloosa News, 3-16-08)
Mills awarded $48.6 million in divorce (LA Times, 3-17-08)
Atlantic City, NJ–
“She was an ambitious lawyer and TV commentator who starting going to Atlantic City casinos to relax, and soon was getting high-roller treatment that included limousines whisking her to the resort….But her gambling spun out of control…She says her losses totaled nearly $1 million.
“Now she’s chasing the longest of long shots: a $20 million racketeering lawsuit in federal court against six Atlantic City casinos and one in Las Vegas, claiming they had a duty to notice her compulsive gambling problem and cut her off.”
In family court fathers are often vilified by their ex-wives and their exes’ attorneys. Whatever it is, somehow dad is always wrong and has let everyone down.
Feminist family law attorney Arelia Margarita Taveras (pictured) wrote The Gangsta Girls’ Guide To Child Support, described by the Associated Press as a “guidebook for women dealing with deadbeat dads in the court system.” According to the AP, Taveras’ gambling losses totaled nearly $1 million. She lost her law practice, her apartment, her parents’ home, and owes the IRS $58,000. She dipped into her clients’ escrow accounts to finance her gambling habit, was disbarred last June, and faces criminal charges.
She does know right where to place the blame, though–on the casinos. “They had a duty of care to me,” she explains.
It certainly is sad to see someone destroy their life this way. Still, given her “it’s always their fault” mentality, can you imagine what it would be like if this was your ex’s lawyer?
The story is below–thanks to Katie, a reader, for sending it to me.
Woman Files $20M Long-Shot Casino Suit
By Wayne Perry, Associated Press
3/8/08
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (AP) She was an ambitious lawyer and TV commentator who starting going to Atlantic City casinos to relax, and soon was getting high-roller treatment that included limousines whisking her to the resort.
Arelia Margarita Taveras says she was even allowed to bring her dog, Sasha, to the blackjack tables, sitting in her purse.
But her gambling spun out of control: She said she would go days at a time at the tables, not eating or sleeping, brushing her teeth with disposable wipes so she didn’t have to leave.
She says her losses totaled nearly $1 million.
Now she’s chasing the longest of long shots: a $20 million racketeering lawsuit in federal court against six Atlantic City casinos and one in Las Vegas, claiming they had a duty to notice her compulsive gambling problem and cut her off.