Category: Blog

Orange County, FL–Typical child support enforcement screw up, messing up an innocent parent’s life and then continuing the harassment. The only difference is that this time the victim is a woman. From Woman Forced To Pay Child Support For Adult Son (WFTV.com, 6/1/08):

ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. — An Orange County Bus Driver is at risk of losing her drivers license, and job, if she doesn”t pay child support for her 18-year-old, married son.

After Kaila Stephens” son got married last year, a judge ruled she could stop paying child support. She did, but the state is still trying to collect. Now, it”s threatening to take away her driver”s license, and in turn, her job.

Kaila”s son, David, is now a married man turning 19 this year. Records show a judge ruled in March she has “no money owed’ in child support, but the Florida Department of Revenue didn”t get that message.

Every month she gets another letter in the mail threatening if she doesn”t pay, the state will suspend her license and seize her next paycheck….

Read the full article and watch the video here. Another question–even if she were really behind on her child support, how would taking her driver’s license and costing her her job help?

Los Angeles, CA–A Los Angeles Superior Court judge just lowered actress Anne Heche’s child support obligation by 75% because Heche says she has fallen on financial hard times. Recently she was allowed to “skip” paying child support for July.

The judge may well have acted correctly in this case, but it begs the question, “If Heche can get a huge reduction so easily, why is it so hard for fathers in similar circumstances to get reductions?”

According to a recent California Department of Child Support Services report, one of the leading factors creating “deadbeat dads” in California is that fathers who owe child support are rarely able to get downward modifications on their child support when they suffer drops in income.

According to an Urban Institute study, less than one in 20 non-custodial parents who suffers a substantial drop in income is able to get courts to reduce the support obligation.

A more typical example of what often happens when wealthy people who owe child support fall on hard times was recently described by Beverly Hills family law attorney Adam Sacks:

Courts almost never allow men to get downward modifications on their child support. I represented a guy who earned $33,000 a month and paid $12,000 in child support. His company went bust and his income crashed down to zero.

We went in and asked for a downward modification–not an elimination of child support, but a downward modification. The judge said ‘no,’ and told him ‘tough luck–you’re capable of earning $30,000 a month, so go do it. I don’t care if you live under a highway underpass in the meantime, just pay your support as ordered.’

There are other factors in the Heche case–she’s famous, so the judge would know that what he was doing was being scrutinized, and Heche had quality legal counsel, which many obligor fathers are unable to obtain.

The AP story on Heche’s child support is Anne Heche Ordered to Pay Up in Divorce and Child Support Settlement (6/7/08).

During Heche’s custody battle the media missed a crucial point, as usual. In my blog post A Crucial Point Missed in the Anne Heche/Coleman Laffoon Custody Battle, I explained:

Heche & Coleman Laffoon…are battling over custody of their five-year-old son Homer…there is a very important distinction between the two’s behavior here, even though the media isn’t saying much about it…

Laffoon is asking for joint custody, Heche is asking for sole custody. In other words, Laffoon wants (or at least is willing) to co-parent his kid with Heche. By contrast, Heche wants full control and little or no role for Laffoon. There is a massive moral distinction to be made between the two positions, and the media misleads when it ignores this in favor of clichés about “angry custody battles” and “bitter divorces.”

I’ve also previously discussed Anne Heche’s divorce in A Fathers’ Rights Perspective on Anne Heche’s Divorce/Custody Settlement.

On the subject of women paying alimony, see From WomenPayingSupport.com–‘Be a Man…Don’t Ask for Spousal Support.

To learn more about problems with the child support system, see my recent co-authored column New LA County Campaign Against ‘Deadbeat Dad” List Unfairly Targets Low-Income Fathers (Los Angeles Daily News, 3/26/08).

California–In my recent blog post Important: Accomplished, Pro-Fatherhood Candidate Needs Your Support, I wrote:

One of the unsung heroes of the struggle for fairness in family law is former California Assemblyman Rod Wright (pictured). Wright is currently in an election battle to get back into the California Senate, and if he wins it will be a big step forward.

Rod was a pioneer of child support and family law reform in California and the nation. In  speaking about his time introducing reforms into a hostile California legislature, Rod describes himself and his staff as, “The first guys who hit the beach at Normandy–taking all the hits.” It was absolutely true.

Rod was one of the pioneers of paternity fraud laws, and in 2002 got AB 2240 through the California legislature. It was subsequently vetoed by then-Governor Gray Davis (see my co-authored column Preserving Paternity Fraud, Orange County Register, 10/3/02), but it helped pave the way for the eventual passage of AB 252 in 2004.

Sacramento veteran Stan Diorio served as Wright’s Chief of Staff from 1996 to 2002 and has been pivotal in many of the achievements in family law in California.  To read a brief history he wrote about Rod Wright’s contributions, click here.

In my post I asked for donations for Rod Wright and received many letters from people who said they had donated to Wright’s campaign–thanks to all of you.

Good News for the Fatherhood Movement

Rod Wright won, defeating Mervyn Dymally. (As Wright himself noted, it’s sad that the two had to go against each other, because Dymally is a good guy too.) According to the Daily Breeze (6/4/08):

Rod Wright claimed victory early Wednesday in the race for the Democratic nomination in the 25th Senate District, defeating veteran lawmaker Mervyn Dymally.

Wright, 55, won by about 4,000 votes, taking 43.9 percent to 35.1 percent for Dymally. Dymally, 82, was seeking to return to the state Senate, after serving there in the late 1960s and early ’70s.

“Larry Holmes didn’t take any joy out of beating up Muhammad Ali,” Wright said Wednesday. “I got no joy in saying, `Wow, I beat Merv Dymally.”‘

Wright spent two years before the election meeting with city councils and Democratic clubs, which allowed him to build up a base of local support in an area he had not previously represented.

He estimated he had attended about 100 meetings, and he won the endorsement of every Democratic mayor in the district, which loops from Inglewood to Long Beach to the Palos Verdes Peninsula, and also includes Gardena, Hawthorne and Lawndale.

Wright will face Republican Lydia Gutierrez in the fall, but is expected to win easily. Wright served in the Assembly from 1996 to 2002 and earned a reputation as a pro-business moderate.

“What I’d like to think I’d be able to do is establish a dialogue with Republicans,” Wright said Wednesday. “People who provide value are those that can get in the middle and draw some kind of consensus.”

London, England–Fatherhood activists Jolly Stainesby and Mark Harris launched a highly-publicized protest on the roof of Labor deputy leader Harriet Harman’s house. Harman is Secretary of State for Equalities and Minister for Women and has helped block family law reform. According to the BBC:

A fathers’ rights campaigner is maintaining his rooftop protest at the London home of Labour deputy leader Harriet Harman.

Jolly Stainesby, of south Devon, spent the night under a tarpaulin, observed by the occupants of three police cars.

Mr Stainesby began the protest at the minister’s house in Herne Hill, south London, on Sunday with Mark Harris – who later came down and was arrested.

Ms Harman has decided to leave her home until the protest ended.

Mr Stainesby said the rooftop protest could go on for some time.

Speaking earlier, he said: “I’m not coming down until they free my mate Mark. He is still being held.”

Mr Harris was held on suspicion of criminal damage, causing a public nuisance and other offences.

The campaigners, who are dressed as mythical superheroes “Captain Conception” and “Cash Gordon”, had said they intended to remain at the property until the former minister of justice read Mr Harris’s book, Family Court Hell.

They also unfurled a banner reading: “A father is for life, not just conception”.

Ms Harman, who is also Secretary of State for Equalities and Minister for Women, said the men had not requested a meeting.

Fathers 4 Justice founder Matt O’Connor said the government had “refused all dialogue with F4J for the past two years” and the group would now resume “a full-scale campaign of direct action against the government, its ministers and the judiciary”.

A Ministry of Justice spokesman said the government had carried out a public consultation on improving the openness of family courts.

He added: “This is an important and complex area of policy about which people have strong views. We must ensure we get it right.”

I applaud this action, though not without a few misgivings, which I detail below. I’m glad to see F4J UK back in action.

To briefly recap, the group is the brainchild of Matt O’Connor, and it began a series of daring, highly publicized protests atop cranes, bridges, and government buildings in 2003. The group’s first well-known protest was David Chick’s spectacular six day, one man protest atop a 150 foot high crane near the Tower Bridge in London. The protest snarled traffic for miles and reportedly cost businesses an estimated £50 million. Chick protested because he was unlawfully cut off from his toddler daughter. He had been to court 25 times and spent the equivalent of $30,000 in unsuccessful attempts to get English courts to enforce his visitation rights.

The image of a man so desperate that he would risk his life and risk prison to be with the little girl he loves moved millions. Polls showed that Chick was very popular, and he was acquitted by an English jury, some of whom were reportedly moved to tears by his testimony. To learn more, see his website http://spidermandad.com/.

Stainesby, one of this new protest’s leaders, has done numerous high-profile actions. Ironically, he is a registered child care provider and is thus allowed to care for any child in England except his 10-year-old daughter, with whom he is allowed little contact.

The group’s protests have been scrupulously peaceful. The protesters dressed up in superhero costumes in order to appear less threatening, to inject some humor into their protests, and, as F4J says, because little children often see their dads as superheroes. The group drew enormous and unprecedented publicity to the widespread problem of fathers being pushed out of their children’s lives after divorce or separation.

The Up and Down History of F4J

In recent years the group has struggled, for a few reasons:

1) They were unable to convert the media attention they skillfully cultivated into solid family law reform.

2) They were torn by faction fighting.

3) They were widely slandered in 2006 over an imaginary kidnapping plot. At the time I wrote:

“Plot to kidnap Blair’s son smashed.” “UK police foil plot to kidnap Blair’s son.” “Scotland Yard uncovers plot to kidnap Blair’s son.”

These recent headlines and hundreds like them illustrate Mark Twain’s assertion that “a lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.” Major media worldwide–including CNN, the Associated Press, the BBC, Fox News, Reuters, and hundreds of newspapers–have reported that extremists tied to the British fathers’ rights group Fathers 4 Justice planned to kidnap British Prime Minister Tony Blair’s five-year-old son Leo. Yet subsequent reports reveal that the sensationalized kidnapping “plot” was apparently nothing more than drunken pub chattering among a couple fools and loudmouths who evidently didn’t realize they were being monitored. Not a single arrest has been made.

Nevertheless, this non-incident is and will for many years be used to portray the fathers’ movement as violent extremists. It is certainly true that fathers’ groups do attract a lunatic fringe. It is also true that there are divorced dads within the movement who…well, let’s just say it’s not hard to see why they’re divorced. But most fathers’ activists are decent, loving dads who can’t quite believe that the family law system so readily allowed them to be driven out of the lives of the children who love them and need them.

To learn more, see Something smells very fishy about the ‘Leo kidnap plot’ (The Daily Telegraph, 1/20/06).

My Misgivings

As I’ve noted before, for a variety of reasons I don’t like it when protesters target judges’ homes or their ex-wives’ homes, and it isn’t generally done. For one,

Los Angeles, CA–From the Associated Press’ In Father’s Day cards, Dad is often portrayed as a lout (5/22/08):

Fathers sleep a lot, and they snore loudly. When they’re awake, they like to fish or golf, but they’re comically bad at both. They drink so much beer they’re practically alcoholics, and they’re complete couch potatoes, always watching television and hogging the remote.

At least, that’s the less-than-favorable image of Dad on Father’s Day greeting cards. It’s a striking contrast to the poetic praise often expressed at Mother’s Day. Many men say they are tired of the “put-down” cards and would like some affirmation for a change — and at least one greeting-card company is listening.

One father in Washington, D.C., who used to stay home with his kids and blog about his life as an at-home father, says the golf and fishing cards don’t bother him, but he doesn’t like the ones that make dads look incompetent.

“This idea that men are somehow biologically incapable of caring for their children is the sort of thing that I don’t find particularly funny,” said Brian Reid, father of two.

Not only greeting cards, but television and movies often convey the idea that Dad is unreliable with every parental duty from changing a diaper to picking the kids up at school, he says.

Greeting cards can be a good litmus test for the way society perceives various relationships and people. Companies want to sell cards, so they aim to hit a spark of truth. But generalizing in order to reach people can lead to stereotypes that then get perpetuated and take on a life of their own.

In an age where about 159,000 dads stay home with their children, according to 2006 U.S. Census numbers, it’s hardly accurate to say that dads don’t know what they’re doing.

One Hallmark card at a Stop & Shop this season showed a cartoon depiction of “When dads pack lunches.”

In the picture, some kids are eating lunch together, and one says, “Looks like I got a peanut butter and salami sandwich and a can of WD-40.”

There you go: the stereotypical incompetent (and tool-obsessed) father.

On the positive side, apparently Hallmark has decided to change its ways:

“Men have told us they would like to feel a little more appreciated,” said spokeswoman Deidre Parkes. “That doesn’t mean you can’t give your dad a funny Father’s Day card, but it can be maybe complimentary humor rather than a negative card”…

…other than the small handful of “put-down” cards, most Father’s Day greetings were thoughtful, appreciative and often quite mushy.

“I love you just like I did when I was little … only now I appreciate you even more,” reads one.

Another new Hallmark card with comedian Chris Rock carries the greeting, “Nobody ever says, ‘Hey, Daddy, thanks for knocking out the rent. I sure love this hot water. It’s easy to read with all this light.'”

This Father’s Day remember: Dads are people, too. Choose your card wisely.

I like the Chris Rock bit (pictured) that is quoted. In that comedy routine he talks about the sacrifices fathers make to provide for their children.

The full story is here–thanks to Kelly, a reader, for sending it.

Ottawa, Canada–Background: Evan Stark (pictured) is a prominent feminist advocate for domestic violence victims and the author of Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life (Interpersonal Violence) and numerous other DV books. I’ve discussed his work many times–to learn more, see my recent blog post Prominent Hard-line Feminist Shows Some Class, Apologizes for Calling Me a ‘Notorious Right Wing Nut Case’ or click here.

Stark was an opponent of our successful Campaign Against PBS’s Father-Bashing Breaking the Silence in 2005.

The good Dr. Stark is at it again, this time trying to get a killer off on “Battered Mother’s Dilemma” and “Battered Wife Syndrome”–despite the fact that the killer mom was “not sexually nor physically abused by her husband.” In other words, she’s a battered wife except for the fact that, um…she wasn’t battered.

From Wife ‘felt like a hostage,’ expert testifies (Ottawa Citizen, 5/30/08):

On the night Teresa Pohchoo Craig killed her husband, she was caught in the coils of a psychological trauma called Battered Mother’s Dilemma, a court heard yesterday.

Dr. Evan Stark, author of Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life, testified that Jack Craig systematically isolated, controlled and degraded his wife over the course of their 12-year relationship.

In a report prepared for the defence, Dr. Stark said Mrs. Craig also suffered from Battered Wife Syndrome and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, although Mrs. Craig was neither sexually nor physically abused by her husband.

Uh-huh. The section below is particularly humorous:

Mrs. Craig faced the sort of terrible choice that defines Battered Mother’s Dilemma, [Stark] said. She could either leave the marriage for her own safety and freedom or protect her son’s well-being by staying with her abusive husband. He also said the dilemma was “the primary dynamic” leading up to the killing of Mr. Craig…

Mr. Craig, 54, died of stab wounds on March 31, 2006. Mrs. Craig is charged with first-degree murder. Dr. Stark described how Mr. Craig frequently told his wife it was, “My way or the highway,” and she could leave at any time.

But Mr. Craig warned his wife that if she left, he would get custody and she would never see their son again. “She felt like a hostage,” Dr. Stark said.

The dad would get custody? On what planet?

Hope this gig pays good, Evan…

Thanks to Jeremy Swanson for the story.

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families’ latest News Digest.

Jury: Woman tried to hire hit on man (Reno Gazette-Journal, 6/3/08)

Woman ‘burned ex’ over custody battle (The Age, 6/4/08)

Why more and more women are losing custody battles over their children (Daily Mail, 6/5/08)

Deputy cleared of domestic violence charge (Tampa Tribune, 6/6/08)

On poster over child support (Cincinnati Enquirer, 6/7/08)

Stimulus checks are seized for child support (Ottaway Newspapers, 6/7/08)

High court upheld child custody rights of non-biological parent (The Virginian-Pilot, 6/7/08)

Child-support system leaves some frustrated (The News-Press, 6/8/08)

Divorce is a luxury for those bound by a bad economy (Newark Star-Ledger, 6/8/08)

Collaboration offers ‘honest and fair’ divorce settlement (South Bend Tribune, 6/9/08)

Fullerton, CA–Domestic violence defense expert John McLaughlin of Borders, McLaughlin & Associates sent me the story below about teacher Gregory Abbott (pictured), whose wife apparently tried to frame him. She and/or her boyfriend planted a shotgun and some marijuana in his car while he was at school teaching, and made numerous fake police reports.

Abbott was arrested but, thankfully, the police figured out the ploy and, to their credit, publicly proclaimed the Abbott’s innocence

According to McLaughlin, “They are having a custody dispute and she has been trying to set him up for a while.”

Anybody wanna wager that she’ll end up getting custody? Wouldn’t surprise me…

The article is below. I like the way Abbott’s students supported him. He must be good with kids–perhaps the judge in the custody case will note that.

Set-up teacher: ‘It turned out better than I thought’
High school teacher Greg Abbott, whom police believe was framed with drugs and gun, says he’s grateful for those who believed in him.
By KIMBERLY EDDS
THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER, 5/29/08

FULLERTON – The teacher arrested and then cleared in what authorities now describe as an elaborate setup said this morning that his mood had swung from paranoia and fear to gratitude for the support he received.

“It”s hard to describe how I feel right now, going from the lowest low to the highest high within three days,” Greg Abbott said in a phone interview. “It turned out better than I thought it would. … It was the best-case scenario.”

Police arrested Abbott on Tuesday after finding an unloaded shotgun and marijuana in his Jeep Cherokee in the parking lot at Sunny Hills High School in Fullerton. Authorities now say Abbott was the victim of a plot to bring him down. He does not face any charges.

Police have named Abbott”s wife, Devon E. Abbott, and a male acquaintance as persons of interest.

The Abbotts filed for divorce in February 2007, but the case has not been finalized, according to Orange County Superior Court records. The couple has one child.
There were a flurry of 911 calls to several police agencies urging an investigation of the 31-year-old Placentia man, police said…

“When they arrested me, I was paranoid, worried, scared and trying to figure out what happened, and how it could be,” Abbott said. “I didn”t know what was going on until 4 p.m. (Thursday). I thought they were building a case against me.”

Abbott said he had received supportive e-mails from students and fellow teachers. He said he was grateful for those who believed in him and supported him.

“My friends, who are teachers, said they were hoping there had been a mistake,” he said. “You could tell in their tone that they had a lot of sympathy for what was happening to me.”

The case was the talk of Sunny Hills High, where Abbott was a well-liked teacher and former cross country coach. Some students described him as a teacher who knew how to relate to his students.

“I didn’t believe it,” said student Jocelyn Rodriguez, 16. “He’s a very good teacher and all the students like him. He’s just cool.”

Another student, who ran off to class before giving his name, said he empathized with what Abbott has endured for the past two days.

“I just really thought it was messed up that he was embarrassed like that around school and in the public,” he said. “I just didn’t think it was fair.”

Two calls to the Fullerton Police Department this week named Abbott as a criminal suspect. One identified him in a road rage incident and the other labeled him a drug trafficker…

No arrests have been made, but felony charges could be filed in connection with lying to the police and conspiring to plant evidence.

Read the full article here.

Hutchinson Island, FL–From Local attorney dies helping his sons escape rip currents on Hutchinson Island (5/27/08):

“Well-known Fort Pierce real estate attorney Robert N. ‘Bobby’ Klein died Monday while trying to help his sons escape rough ocean waters.

“He and his family were spending Memorial Day morning at Bob Graham Beach when his two sons, ages 11 and 14, were caught in strong rip currents.

“Klein, 49, swam out to help them and got caught in the currents, said Martin County Fire Rescue Bureau Chief Jeff Alter. Rescue workers brought Klein to shore and tried to revive him. Klein was pronounced dead…

“Klein and his family were at the beach, which has no lifeguards, in the early morning. The boys struggled in the rip currents while riding their Boogie boards about 50 yards offshore, said an eyewitness, Walter Walsh of Port St. Lucie.

“Their father went to their rescue, Alter said.

“Walsh said he saw Klein struggling in the currents…

“As rescue workers tried to revive Klein, Walsh said, Klein’s wife was standing next to him, saying, ‘Bob, we need you. Bob, don’t go.'”

We will add Klein to our list of Hero Fathers, which includes:

1) Joseph Richardson–see my blog post Hero Father Dies Saving Daddy’s Little Girl

2) Albert Collins–see my blog post Heroic Father Gunned Down While Saving His Little Daughter

3) James Kim–see my blog post Father ‘put himself through a desperate ordeal in a superhuman effort to save his family’

Thanks to Steven, a reader, for sending the story.