‘You have lost a lot of my affection and respect because of your…relationship with your father’

Trenton, NJ–A perfect example of how an alienating custodial parent punishes her children for having a good relationship with their father. David, a New Jersey attorney who I’ve dealt with on several occasions over the years, recently wrote:

In 11 years of practicing Family Law (after going through the system myself), I’ve seen many heartbreaking cases of PAS (I should also note I’ve seen many cases where a noncustodial parent is an ass and claims it’s PAS when it’s just kids reacting to a controlling and/or abusive jerk). Never before have I had the smoking gun I came across this week.
  Dad has “custody” of a 22 year old daughter (emancipated, but lives with him and new wife).  He has been ripped apart by ex’s PAS of his 16 year old son.  Mom says “no PAS, dad is a jerk and a nut.  I’ve done everything to encourage his relationship with the kids.” Then mom does something really stupid.  After finding out that daughter arranged for the PAS-child to spend some time with dad, she leaves the following message on her daughter’s answering machine (although not wanting to get involved, daughter eventually turned it over to dad):

MS. JONES:  Hey, Jane.  I guess I dialed the right number.  It”s strange that it doesn”t say that it”s your phone number.  The message is that I am angry and disgusted with you.  I am extremely upset that you didn”t see fit to even mention to me that you were going to invite your brother over tonight for dinner with your father.  And it is loathsome to me that you facilitate in anyway contact between Tommy and your father. It”s obvious that — it”s very obvious that my feelings do not matter to you and that”s your business.  But you have lost a lot of my affection and respect because of your actions relating to your father.  And I wish you would keep your brother out of this.  Your decisions are your own, but I am disgusted with you for facilitating Tommy”s spending time there.  There was no reason to have him there tonight.  You gave him a haircut, you saw him last night, you saw him today.  You didn”t fucking need to invite him over today to legitimize your choice of the way you relate to your father. It”s fine, it”s your business.  Your relationship with your father is your business, but it completely and directly takes away from what is our relationship.  And if you don”t know that you”re a fool.  And I can”t play the game of pretending anymore.

The case — and dad’s request for a change in custody — goes to court this Friday.  We’ll see what happens.

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