Category: Blog

Los Angeles, CA–“As a child I grew up watching my mother commit multiple acts of violence against my dad. The earliest incident I remember occurred when I was four, and my mother continued to be violent up until April of 2003.

“No one would help. Teachers, parents of friends, anyone I tried to talk to about what was going on at home basically told me I didn’t understand, and that my mother couldn’t possibly be the violent party. The few times the police came to our home, they would always be ready to arrest my father, sometimes getting so far as to put the handcuffs on him, and it was up to me to scream as loud as possible that it was my mommy and not my daddy so they wouldn’t take him away and leave me with her.”

In writing my recent blog post Cops Mistake Wife’s Allergic Reaction for Abuse, Draw Guns on Helping Husband–where cops were so convinced that a loving father was a DV perp that they wouldn’t listen to the man’s adult daughter–I was reminded of the Maegan Woods (aka Maegan Black) case. In my co-authored column Domestic Violence Lawsuit Will Help Secure Services for All Abuse Victims (Los Angeles Daily Journal, 12/28/05), Marc Angelucci and I wrote:

“At the age of 11, Maegan Woods tried to stop a domestic dispute between her parents. She soon found herself staring down the barrel of her father’s shotgun. She watched helplessly as the trigger was pulled. She is only alive today because the gun didn’t fire–the safety was on.

“Maegan was abused and witnessed domestic violence in her home for most of her childhood. By age seven there had been knife attacks, punches, kicks, and more. It was hard to leave–the abuser was the one who earned the money, and the victim was unable to work because of a disability. On numerous occasions they looked for help to escape the abuse but were refused. Why?

“Because in Maegan’s family, the abused spouse was her father, and the battering and child abuse were perpetrated by her mother…

“The anti-male bias of police policies was evident in the Woods case. During the 1995 shotgun incident, Ruth called the police after David wrestled the shotgun away from her. Maegan yelled to her mom, ‘Tell the truth!’ and Ruth told the police she wanted them to come because she wanted to kill her husband.

“Nevertheless, when the police arrived and David opened the door to let them in, the officers immediately grabbed him by the wrist, wrestled him to the ground, and handcuffed him. They only uncuffed him after Maegan told them that it was her mother who had the gun.”

Maegan later wrote:

“As a child I grew up watching my mother commit multiple acts of violence against my dad. The earliest incident I remember occurred when I was four, and my mother continued to be violent up until April of 2003.

“No one would help. Teachers, parents of friends, anyone I tried to talk to about what was going on at home basically told me I didn’t understand, and that my mother couldn’t possibly be the violent party. The few times the police came to our home, they would always be ready to arrest my father, sometimes getting so far as to put the handcuffs on him, and it was up to me to scream as loud as possible that it was my mommy and not my daddy so they wouldn’t take him away and leave me with her.

“Sometimes when my mom would attack, Pops would try to defend himself, just to get her off him, stop hitting him, whatever. Every time he defended himself, whether he left bruises or not, Mom would go get a restraining order. She didn’t have to show bruises or prove she was in danger or anything, just saying she was ‘afraid’ was enough.

“I grew up in this sort of environment and I learned the only way to survive was to watch every argument they had and be ready to interject myself as a distraction if I could before violence happened. I grew up paranoid and feeling like the safety in my house was something only I was responsible for. If Mom became violent, it meant I FAILED. That feeling would hit me like a bucket of cold water, but there wouldn’t be any time for feeling sorry for myself. My next task was to try to break it up, screaming, threatening, pleading, whatever. I had to make sure no details escaped me because if the cops got called they’d just believe my mom without question, and it was MY job to make sure the truth at least got heard.”

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families’ latest News Digest.The path to an amicable divorce (Times Online, 2-13-08)

Radio station giving away free divorce (Associated Press, 2-13-08)

Valentine’s Day is a big day for divorce in the Valley (Arizona Republic, 2-13-08)

Bill to allow same-sex divorce to be introduced (Providence Journal, 2-14-08)

“Most Wanted” billboards lead to arrests of parents not paying child support (The Plain Dealer, 2-14-08)

Custody case: dogs in middle (Tulsa World, 2-15-08)

‘After divorce I wanted to die’ (The Sun, 2-15-08)

Judge: Tell Winkler about kids’ trust (Jackson Sun, 2-16-08)

Officials go on deadbeat search twice a year (Lancaster Eagle-Gazette, 2-17-08)

Fur flies over dog custody (New York Daily News, 2-18-08)

Southern Pines N.C.

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families’ latest News Digest.

‘Most Wanted’ father fights for custody (Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 2-8-08)

Divorce anyone? Some are having their cake and eating it too (TampaBay10.com, 2-7-08)

LEGIS: Divorce requirement proposed (Associated Press, 2-7-08)

Slain dentist’s wife is charged with murder and conspiracy (New York Times, 2-8-08)

Va. sues Texas collection agency over child support payments (The Virginian-Pilot, 2-9-08)

Un-tying the knot (CBSnews.com, 2-10-08)

After divorce what to do with the ring (San Francisco Chronicle, 2-10-08)

NB introduces new child support collection measures (CBC New Brunswick, 2-11-08)

Mills will claim McCartney turned violent after binges (News.com.au, 2-11-08)

‘Poppa too’: Author shares painful true story of his fight for his daughter (FOXbusiness, 2-5-08)

…Domestic Violence.

Pierre, SD–In the article below, South Dakota legislators propose a 90 day waiting period for divorce filings so spouses from other states can’t skip off to South Dakota, file for divorce, and force the estranged spouse to suffer the disadvantage and expense of having to contest the divorce from out-of-state.

It’s an eminently reasonable argument but what does the opposition say? The South Dakota Advocacy Network for Women says that the proposed waiting period would endanger women who flee to South Dakota to escape abusive husbands. So basically women should be permitted to use this scam, because a tiny percentage of them might be fleeing abuse. (And by the way, the women could just get a Protection Order without the divorce anyway).

This is yet another example of why the fatherhood movement needs to confront the domestic violence issue and the misleading, anti-male claims of the domestic violence establishment.

(It’s also an example of why the California Alliance for Families and Children’s February 15/16 conference–“From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence” is so important. Dozens of leading authorities in the domestic violence field are challenging the entrenched domestic violence system. They are advocating for non-discriminatory and evidence-based policies, and seek to correct the many damaging laws and policies which have been based on misleading claims. To learn more, click here.)

The article is below. The bill did get out of committee, barely.

Divorce requirement proposed
Associated Press
February 7, 2008

PIERRE – State law contains no minimum length of residency to file for divorce in South Dakota, but that may change.

A bill sent 7-6 Wednesday to the House floor by the Judiciary Committee would not permit people to start divorce proceedings until they have lived in the state for at least 90 days.

Rep. Richard Engels, D-Hartford, said the absence of any waiting period allows nonresidents to come into the state and immediately file for divorce. He said that is unfair because it forces estranged husbands and wives in other states to bear the expense and inconvenience of going through the legal proceeding in South Dakota.

South Dakota once had a one-year residency requirement before people could file for divorce, but the Legislature eliminated the waiting period after a federal court ruled several years ago that a waiting period was unconstitutional, Engels said.

That ruling was later overturned, but the state did not reinstate a new residency requirement, he said.

“Is it fair for someone to move to South Dakota from another state and file for divorce the same day?’ he asked.

HB1157 should not be passed, said Caitlin Collier, lobbyist for the South Dakota Advocacy Network for Women. She said the proposed waiting period would endanger women who flee to South Dakota to escape abusive husbands.

“This would remove a potential haven for battered women,’ Collier warned. “You are putting women at risk.’

Women should not have to hide for 90 days before they can start divorce proceedings, she said. Collier explained that an automatic restraining order kicks in when people file for divorce.

Engels said the legislation also would change state law so divorce cases that are filed in South Dakota can continue in South Dakota even if people who file the cases move to other states. When that happens, those people now must meet the minimum residency requirements in the new states before they can refile for divorce, he said.

Keeping jurisdiction for divorce cases in South Dakota would be especially helpful to those who live near the state”s borders and move just across the border to another state and to military personnel who may be transferred out of state, Engels said.

[Note: If you or someone you love is being abused, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women provides crisis intervention and support services to victims of domestic violence and their families.]

New York, NY–A little dose of misandry from the Wall Street Journal‘s “Pepper…and Salt.”

Reno, NE–Background: In June 2006, Darren Mack (pictured), a wealthy Nevada father who was involved in a divorce, stabbed his estranged wife to death and then executed a well-planned murder attempt on a Nevada judge. Mack shot and wounded the judge but failed to kill him. According to the Reno Gazette-Journal, when police searched Mack’s residence they found he “had bombmaking materials in his bedroom” as well as “several boxes of firearm ammunition.” At the time of Mack”s murder spree, I wrote:

“I condemn without qualification the crimes allegedly committed by Darren Mack in Nevada last week. Mack was angered by his divorce and custody case. Some on the not insubstantial lunatic fringe of the fathers’ rights movement see Mack as some sort of freedom fighter. Most of the commentary by other fathers’ rights advocates seem to be of the ‘he couldn’t take it anymore and snapped” variety.

“I don’t buy it. Though everyone is focusing on Mack’s attempted murder of a judge, everyone seems to forget that he first stabbed and killed his estranged wife. After murdering her, he shot the judge through the judge’s third-floor office window with a sniper rifle from over 100 yards away. That’s not ‘snapping”–that’s premeditated murder. Mack is not a good man trapped in a bad system. He is a bad guy. Because of men like him the system had to create protections for women, and unscrupulous women have misused those protections to victimize countless innocent men. Men like Mack aren’t the byproducts of the system’s problems–they are the problem.’

It wasn’t the rope and a tree that Darren Mack deserved, but it was close enough. Friday Darren Mack–who stabbed and killed his estranged wife as his little daughter played with her toys upstairs–was sentenced to life in prison.

Mack first tried what I called the Mary Winkler defense, making the unlikely claim that he slashed his wife’s throat in self-defense. It was a brutal killing–Charla Mack’s head was almost severed from her body. How Mack defending himself against Charla necessitated then driving to the courthouse and trying to kill a judge in a well-planned, methodical way was never explained.

Douglas Herndon, the Nevada judge in the criminal case, explained that he let Mack speak for quite a while before his sentencing, and that Mack expressed “no remorse” for his crimes. According to the Associated Press:

“In handing down the sentence, Herndon cited the heinous nature of the crimes and Mack’s lack of remorse.

“‘The truth is Mr. Mack is guilty of these crimes, but he doesn’t want to hear anything about that,’ the judge said.

“Mack on Thursday reiterated claims that he acted in self defense when he slashed his wife’s throat in the garage of his southeast Reno townhouse.

“He also has argued that he was coerced by his former lawyers into the plea deal, and suggested the attorneys, prosecutors, investigators and law enforcement officers who investigated the case were corrupt.

“Herndon said while he allowed Mack to go on at length, he never said what the judge hoped he’d hear: ‘I’m sorry.'”

My position on Mack has inspired a lot of hostility from some posters on other men’s and fathers’ rights blogs, which tells you more about some of these guys than you’d like to know. One of the many idiotic statements made is that, based on my position on Mack, when fathers are mistreated in the family law system, I don’t think they should resist.

Ludicrous–I sure as hell do think they should resist. They should resist like David Chick. They should resist like Gary LaMusga. They should resist like Jolly Stanesby and John Brumbaugh and Benoit Leroux and Daniel Sims. More importantly, we need to work to build a viable fatherhood movement.

My sympathies are with the guy who did the best he could to be a good husband and a good father and who got shafted anyway. The good dad who can’t see his kids, or who can only see them four days a month while mom turns them against him the other 26. The guy whose kids were dragged halfway across the country for no reason, or whose child support obligations impoverish him. That isn’t Darren Mack.

Mack didn’t even take his marriage seriously, apparently resisting giving up the swinger lifestyle he knew was endangering it, and then, even after being given joint physical custody on a week-on, week-off basis, going on a murderous rampage. I’ve no more sympathy for him than I do for Mary Winkler or Mazoltuv Borukhova.

My coverage of Darren Mack is below, as is the Associated Press article. Also, see the Reno Gazette-Journal’s Darren Mack Blog.

Darren Mack’s Mary Winkler Defense

Blowback on Darren Mack (A response to a MensNewsDaily.com writer’s criticism of me)

The One Year Anniversary of Darren Mack’s Killing Spree

Murderous Florida Father Deserved a Necktie Party, not Shared Parenting

Nev. Man Gets Life Term for Killing Wife
By SANDRA CHEREB
Associated Press
RENO, Nev. (AP) — A former pawn shop owner was sentenced to life in prison on Friday for the killing of his estranged wife and shooting of the judge who handled their bitter divorce.

Darren Mack, 46, will be eligible for parole after 36 years. Mack pleaded guilty in November to first-degree murder in the June 2006 stabbing death of his wife, Charla, and entered an Alford plea to a charge of attempted murder of Washoe Family Court Judge Chuck Weller.

Mack admitted in court that he shot Weller through a courthouse window the day he killed his wife but invoked the Alford plea, in which a defendant acknowledges there is enough evidence for a conviction without admitting guilt. Weller has recovered from his wounds.

New York, NY–George Washington University Law School professor Jonathan Turley has some interesting things to say about the appalling Borukhova murder case in his recent blog post Wife Pays Hitman to Drill Dentist Husband. In that case, a mother apparently had her husband murdered after she was unable to drive him out of his daughter’s life by making allegations of sexual abuse in their custody battle. The father was murdered in a playground in front of their 5-year-old daughter.

Turley writes:

“Dr. Mazoltuv Borukhova in Queens has been arrested for paying a hitman $20,000 to kill her orthodontist husband, Dr. Daniel Malakov. What is most striking about the attempted hit is how sloppy it was with a trail of money and evidence leading back to the wife.

“It appears that Hell hath no fury like a doctor scorned. Dr. Mazoltuv Borukhova wanted Malakov killed on a playground in front of their 5-year-old daughter amid a custody battle. She allegedly used a relative, Mikhail Mallayev.

“The whole effort no doubt has the Russian mob recoiling in embarrassment. The wife left a phone record of 90 phone conversations in the weeks before the shooting and three more shortly afterward.

“Then there was the bank deposits totaling $19,800 in 10 different bank accounts.

“Then there was the botched hit itself. The assassin used a makeshift silencer, which was left at the scene with Mallayev”s prints on it.”

The Associated Press article on it is below. Any ideas on what her defense will be?

Prosecutors: Wife Paid Suspected Gunman
By TOM HAYS

NEW YORK (AP) — A woman charged in the execution-style slaying of her orthodontist husband exchanged scores of phone calls with the suspected gunman, then paid him nearly $20,000 after the shooting, authorities said Friday.

Dr. Mazoltuv Borukhova was arrested at her Queens home on Thursday and ordered held without bail on charges she conspired to have Dr. Daniel Malakov killed on a playground in front of their 5-year-old daughter amid a custody battle.

One of Borukhova’s relatives, Mikhail Mallayev, was arrested in November on charges he was the triggerman.

“We believe she paid the shooter, Mikhail Mallayev, to kill Daniel after the couple separated and he won custody of their daughter,” Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said at a news conference.

District Attorney Richard Brown said evidence against the wife included phone records showing she and Mallayev had 90 phone conversations in the weeks before the shooting, and three more shortly afterward.

Bank records also show that, following a meeting in Borukhova’s office, Mallayev deposited a total of $19,800 in 10 different bank accounts.

Borukhova’s attorney did not immediately respond to a phone message Friday. Both Borukhova and Mallayav have previously denied any wrongdoing.

A gunman using a makeshift silencer and wearing a black leather jacket and a dark hat, shot Malakov in the chest in broad daylight on Oct. 28 and vanished, police said.

The victim had gone to the Queens playground to take his 5-year-old daughter to see his ex-wife, a specialist in internal medicine. The couple’s daughter was placed in foster care following her father’s death.

Police said they recovered the silencer at the scene and later determined that Mallayev’s fingerprints were on it.

Sacramento, CA–Attorney Marc Angelucci of NCFMLA wrote the Letter to the Editor below concerning comments by a San Francisco prosecutor about pending California domestic violence legislation. Angelucci’s letter appeared in the February 7 issue of Capitol Weekly.

To his credit, prosecutor Jim Hammer did provide a meaningful response, and explained, “I do refer to ‘women’ victims, because in my years as a prosecutor the majority of victims I saw were women.” The problem with this, of course, is that the reason he saw mostly women domestic violence system is largely due to the anti-male bias with which both the law enforcement system and our society as a whole treat the domestic violence issue.

Angelucci wrote:

Dear Editor,

It is unfortunate that San Francisco prosecutor Jim Hammer chose to leave male victims of domestic violence and their children invisible in his sexist comments on AB1771 by referring to the victims only as “women.’ (“Bill would create Web site of domestic violence convicts,’ Jan. 31.) No doubt Hammer would say “men and women’ regarding soldiers or firefighters. Don”t domestic violence victims deserve the same dignity?

I work with men who have been stabbed, cut with glass and had their teeth knocked out with objects by female partners. They and their children are then stigmatized, ignored, downplayed and told they”re oddball class. In reality, they”re not rare at all; they”re just less likely than women to report it, which makes crime data unreliable.

Harvard Medical School just announced a nationwide study that found half of heterosexual domestic violence is reciprocal and women committed 71 percent of the non-reciprocal violence and initiated most reciprocal violence, while men suffered significant injuries. (Click here to learn more.)

In fact, virtually all sociological data shows women initiate domestic violence at least as often as men do, that men suffer one-third of the injuries and that self-defense does not explain away this violence, as California State University Professor Martin Fiebert demonstrates in his online bibliography here.

Meanwhile, California Health and Safety Code Section 124250 still excludes male victims and their children from the definition of “domestic violence,’ leaving male victims and their children with no outreach and few services from state-funded shelters, even though men pay over half the taxes that fund these programs. Male victims in Southern California travel hundreds of miles to Valley Oasis in Lancaster because nobody else will help them even with a hotel arrangement or legal services.

On Feb. 15 and 16, a global coalition of concerned experts called the National Family Violence Resource Center will host a groundbreaking domestic violence conference in Sacramento called “From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence’ to promote positive solutions to this politically driven problem. CE credit is available, and registration forms are at http://www.nfvlrc.org.

Marc E. Angelucci, Esq.,
Los Angeles

Jim Hammer responds:

I agree with (Mr. Angelucci) that all victims of domestic violence, men and women, should receive equal treatment under the law. Although at times when speaking about domestic violence, I do refer to “women’ victims, because in my years as a prosecutor the majority of victims I saw were women, I would like to make clear that the proposed law would apply equally to men and women violators. In my opinion, men and women should have access to reliable information about past convictions for crimes involving serious domestic violence, so that they can make smart, informed choices about whom they wish to enter into intimate relationships with.

I appreciate the chance to clarify this point and thank Mr. Angelucci for his letter.

Macon, GA–“In the front yard of his well-kept home, officers told Craig Donahue to get out of his car and began to question him about the reported domestic incident. “‘I didn’t know what they were talking about. My wife was sick, really sick. We thought she was dying. I told them this wasn’t domestic, it was a medical emergency,’ he said. “Brande Jordan and Cora Jordan also exited the vehicle, trying to help Donahue clarify what really was going on. “Brande Jordan approached an officer, pleading to take her mother to the hospital, but was asked to step away. “As Bridgett Donahue screamed to her husband for help from the backseat of their car, Craig Donahue decided to drive away from the officers and head for Coliseum Medical Centers. “He didn’t get far.
“Within seconds, squad cars surrounded Donahue’s vehicle near the intersection of Shurling Drive and Walnut Creek Drive. “Officers pulled guns on Donahue as they ordered him out of the car with his hands up and legs spread.” In this story, a loving husband and father is trying to help his wife in a medical emergency but, due to the hazards of LWM (Living While Male), he ends up spread-eagled on the ground, with guns pointed on him, while his wife’s medical emergency goes untreated. The article is below–thanks to Tony, a longtime reader, for sending it to me. The reporter, Ashley Tusan Joyner, did a nice job on the story–feel free to commend her at ajoyner@macon.com or at (478) 744-4347. Husband says Macon police used too much force By Ashley Tusan Joyner Macon Telegraph, 2/8/08 One east Macon family’s 911 call went awry early Wednesday, in a case police are calling miscommunication. A husband, mistaken for an abuse suspect, tried to rush his sick wife to the hospital. He ended up being pulled out of his car by officers with their guns drawn. It was about 5 a.m. Bridgett Donahue, 45, awoke at her Cumberland Drive residence. She needed to use the restroom. While washing her hands, she glanced up at the mirror and discovered a reflection that horrified her. “My face was barely recognizable. My cheeks, my jaws, were all swelled up. My lips were all cracked. My tongue was swelling by the second. I looked down and my arms and legs were swelling too. They got to be about the size of balloons. I started to have difficulty breathing,” she said during an interview at her home Thursday. Donahue, in the initial stages of recovery from a surgical procedure Monday, was having a severe allergic reaction to pain medication prescribed by her doctor. “I screamed so loud everybody in the house woke up,” she said. At 5 a.m., a 911 dispatcher at the Macon-Bibb Communications 911 Center received Donahue’s call. Donahue stated her address, “2528 Cumberland Drive.” She said her body was swelling up. She requested an ambulance.