Los Angeles, CA–Background: A couple weeks ago, I criticized Pepsi for its Super Bowl ad ‘Magnetic Attraction.’ In the commercial, Justin Timberlake gets beat up and is in severe pain. In general our protests have been against ads which depict men and particularly fathers as lazy, dumb, or irresponsible. The Pepsi ad was an attempt at slapstick humor and not as offensive, but I thought it was still over the line. I suggested that readers who agreed with me contact Pepsi and BBDO, the agency which created the ad. Yesterday,
Jonah Bloom, an editor and columnist at Advertising Age, one of the leading advertising trade publications, fired back at men’s and fathers’ activists over our 2007 protest against the advertising agency Arnold Worldwide, the Pepsi issue, and others. In When It Comes to Whining About Ads, Father Knows Best (2/18/08), Bloom depicts advertising guru Richard Smaglick of www.fathersandhusbands.org, who has worked with me on these issues and campaigns, as “unhinged” and an “extremist.” To read my response to Bloom, see my morning blog post Ad Industry Hits Back at Fatherhood Activists. Smaglick and Bloom had a long talk this morning, and afterwards Bloom sent us a response to my critique of his column. While I don’t think Bloom is going to be signing up with us anytime soon, I thought he showed some class both during the conversation and in the letter. In response, I wrote, “I’m impressed with your response and your willingness to rethink the issue. If you don’t mind, I think it would be nice if I could post [the relevant section] so my readers can see it.” Bloom gave me approval. He wrote: “Nice dissection of my column. I would say you are wasted in finding fault in slapstick commercials – but I’ve just promised Richard I’m going to try to take the issue more seriously and at least try to see how they might be contributing to socio-economic issues such as fatherlessness and inter-partner violence against men. I find the whole concept a stretch, but I really am going to try looking at it from a different point of view. “I suspect many of us spend too much time with people who reinforce our narrow points of view, and I’m sure I’m no different–I’ll try to put myself in your shoes. In return I asked Richard to consider whether just maybe there’s a nugget of truth in my point of view that your approach–NOT the issues you say you want to tackle–is misguided and not the best use of your time.”
Category: Blog
Sacramento, CA–Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference “From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence” was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.
Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment’s stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.
I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog–to learn more, click here.
I have previously detailed some of what Erin Pizzey had to say at the conference, but she said enough to fill a small book. (She is pictured above–she’s the blonde lady in front of one of her battered women’s shelters surrounded by supportive protesters.)
It is interesting to see how she built the women’s shelters in England even though she was largely in conflict with the English feminist movement at the time. She said when she first went to a UK women’s group she heard all sorts of manbashing. She said she did not buy into it, for a few reasons.
For one, she considered herself lucky to be able to be home with her children while they were young and have her husband support them. Also, she grew up with a violent, manipulative, dangerous mother who “beat me regularly because I look like my father.”
Her father was no prize either, as he also had a violent temper. Pizzey grew up in China and her father was an English diplomatic official there before, during, and after World War II. She says that her parents were so bad that when her city was overrun by the Chinese Communists in 1949, her parents were held as prisoners for over three years–and she was happy about it.
She says that in the early days of the battered women’s movement in England, it was men who stepped forward and gave her the support she needed to help battered women.
One of her earliest breaks came when a man bought a house in which she could house her shelter. She said that the men she approached were very willing to help women.
She also said that later on, when she asked men to assist her in creating services for male victims of domestic violence, the wealthy men who helped her build shelters for women “wouldn’t give a dime” to help men.
Sacramento, CA–Background: I’ve been detailing the historic, one-of-a-kind conference “From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence” (held in Sacramento, California February 15-16)–to learn more, click here.
In my recent blog post DV Conference Report #3: 12-Year-Old Boys in Abusive Families Aren’t Allowed to Go to Shelters with Their Mothers, but Instead Go to Foster Care, I discussed domestic violence shelters’ policies of excluding all males ages 12 or older from going to the shelters with their mothers. I wrote:
“One morning during the conference, I had breakfast with two remarkable ladies, Erin Pizzey and Patricia Overberg. Pizzey founded the first battered women’s shelter in the world in 1971, and Overberg was the first battered women’s shelter director in California to admit male victims of domestic violence to a shelter. As bad as things are, both of them told me things which were amazing and horrifying. Pizzey told the following story:
“A woman was being abused by her violent husband and sought shelter. She had three children, two young ones and a 12-year-old boy. She wanted to go to a battered women’s shelter and, of course, take her children with her. However, the feminists who run the battered women’s shelters in England have a policy that no boys aged 12 or older are allowed into the shelters.
“The woman was presented with the equivalent of Sophie’s Choice. Either she could return to her violent husband, and risk both herself and her children, or she could submit to the feminist policy. She chose the latter. Rather than allow the boy to stay with his mother and his siblings in the battered women’s shelter, the boy instead had to wait in the police station, while his mother and siblings went off to the shelter. The English equivalent of child protective services was called, and the boy was picked up and placed in foster care!
“Overberg told me the same thing happens in California and in much of the United States.”
Evan Stark (pictured) is a prominent feminist advocate for domestic violence victims and the author of Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life (Interpersonal Violence) and numerous other DV books. I discussed his work in my recent blog post Prominent Hard-line Feminist Shows Some Class, Apologizes for Calling Me a ‘Notorious Right Wing Nut Case’.
Stark is an influential member of the domestic violence establishment which researchers at the conference often criticized, and was also an opponent of our successful Campaign Against PBS’s Father-Bashing Breaking the Silence in 2005
This morning, Stark posted a comment on my blog defending the policy excluding males ages 12 or older from joining their mothers in battered women’s shelters. I deleted Stark’s comment so I could devote a full blog post to it here. I disagree with Stark’s view (and the second sentence in the first paragraph below in particular), but I’m pleased that he is interested in a dialogue of sorts. Stark writes:
“The issue Pizzey raises, of young men not being able to come to shelter with their moms, has been a serious problem since the beginning of the shelter movement. The reason for this policy, which you don’t mention, is that many shelters take younger women, including girls in their teens, and the boys in families are often older than some of the females in the facility and there are no provisions to monitor their behavior– violent or sexual.
“At Chiswick, Pizzey didn’t admit boys to the shelter, either, but housed them in a separate building. She could do this because she had a large grant from a private company to buy the houses. But most shelters in England, as here, run on a shoestring budget and, in England, were located in Housing Estates (equivalent to our housing projects) and had no separate space for male children.
“Today, many shelters in England use free-standing apartments rather than houses and have no restrictions on male youth coming with their mothers. You are shocked that some of these boys have to go to foster care. But, as you rightly point out, this is often preferable (and is temporary) to staying in a home where all families members are exposed to the man’s violence.”
Sacramento, CA–Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference “From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence” was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.
Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment’s stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.
I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog–to learn more, click here.
One morning during the conference I had breakfast with two remarkable ladies, Erin Pizzey and Patricia Overberg. Pizzey founded the first battered women’s shelter in the world in 1971, and Overberg was the first battered women’s shelter director in California to admit male victims of domestic violence to a shelter. As bad as things are, both of them told me things which were amazing and horrifying. Pizzey told the following story:
A woman was being abused by her violent husband and sought shelter. She had three children, two young ones and a 12-year-old boy. She wanted to go to a battered women’s shelter and, of course, take her children with her. However, the feminists who run the battered women’s shelters in England have a policy that no boys aged 12 or older are allowed into the shelters.
The woman was presented with the equivalent of Sophie’s Choice. Either she could return to her violent husband, and risk both herself and her children, or she could submit to the feminist policy. She chose the latter. Rather than allow the boy to stay with his mother and his siblings in the battered women’s shelter, the boy instead had to wait in the police station, while his mother and siblings went off to the shelter. The English equivalent of child protective services was called, and the boy was picked up and placed in foster care!
Overberg told me the same thing happens in California and in much of the United States.
I don’t doubt what Pizzey and Overberg say, but I still find it a little hard to get my head around. For one, one could make the feminist argument that this policy keeps abused women in violent relationships because they will not want to leave their abusers if they cannot take all of their children with them. Secondly, I find it a little hard to believe that even the feminist true believers who run the shelters could be so bigoted and uncaring.
Los Angeles, CA–Background: A couple weeks ago I wrote: “The Super Bowl ads in general were pretty fair to men this year, but there was one major exception–Pepsi’s ‘Magnetic Attraction’ commercial. According to the MySpace Super Bowl ads description: “‘The Pepsi Stuff promo shows Justin Timberlake being drawn toward a woman and somehow pulled through space, off the ground,
by some magnetic force. He crashes and gets beat up by his strange experience being pulled through space and having close and sometimes painful encounters with immovable objects and experiencing near misses with death.’ “I understand slapstick humor but this was over the line–Timberlake is in severe pain in the ad, and gets painfully whacked in the nuts on three separate occasions. To watch the ad, click here.” I then suggested that readers who also thought the ad was over the line should express their views to Pepsi. I also provided contact information for BBDO, the agency which created the ad. I also noted, “To be fair, while BBDO does have a track record of anti-male commercials, they also produced the fine AT&T ad ‘Monkey,’ which can be seen here.” Advertising guru Richard Smaglick of www.fathersandhusbands.org assisted me in this. The Pepsi ad certainly wasn’t the worst anti-male ad I’ve seen, and I said so. However, I thought it was offensive and worth readers taking a moment to express their dissatisfaction. Yesterday Jonah Bloom, an editor and columnist at Advertising Age, one of the leading advertising trade publications, fired back at men’s and fathers’ activists. Bloom accuses us of–guess what?–“whining.” Bloom’s article is below, with my comments interspersed in italics and brackets. To write a Letter to the Editor of Advertising Age about Bloom’s attack on fatherhood activists, email editor@adage.com or click here. When It Comes to Whining About Ads, Father Knows Best By Jonah Bloom Advertising Age, February 18, 2008 Within 48 hours of the Super Bowl ending, a small group of extremists made it to the inboxes of Indra Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo, and Cie Nicholson, her chief marketing officer. “Interesting that Justin Timberlake can get whacked in the balls on TV and that’s ‘funny,'” said one of the e-mails, referring to one of the Pepsi spots that aired in the game. “If Indra and Cie were whacked in the cl*t a few times over in their lives, they would not think this ad so amusing. I’m sure all of you would frown on having a female go through the same torture in a commercial.” [This is a common tactic used by our opponents–they pick out one extreme or rude letter and then feature it as if it is representative of what we are doing. Anybody who has followed my work even a little knows that whenever we confront companies, legislators, governmental agencies, or others with our protests, we are always scrupulously professional and polite. But not all of my readers are sane, as I’ve said on many occasions. I apologize to Ms. Nooyi and Ms. Nicholson.] This lunatic tract, purporting to be from a Bill Orr, was nastier than the others, but was far from being a one-off. Indeed, several dozen such e-mails were sent to executives at Pepsi; their agency, BBDO; or publications such as Ad Age and The New York Times. Nor was this the first such assault by this gaggle of men who feel the need to defend white men against ads (mostly) by white men that sometimes portray white men as somewhat stupid or incompetent. [This is another common tactic used by our opponents–they pretend that what we are doing is a “white male” or racial issue. Again, anybody who has followed our campaigns, my writing, or my media work knows that I do not now nor have I ever promoted ‘white male’ issues. I promote men’s and fathers’ issues, with no racial component, and am sometimes criticized for not mentioning “white male” issues. In none of the campaigns we have done about advertising has there ever been a hint about race. None of the many blog posts and columns I have written about advertising which denigrates men and fathers have been about race.] A loose coalition of these hombres against humor has formed in the past few years. Led by a guy called Richard Smaglick, co-founder of a group called Fathers and Husbands, they’ve attacked a few different ad agencies. [It is odd, and perhaps telling, that Bloom chooses to focus on Richard Smaglick when the protesters in all of the events Bloom describes are my readers and people who came through my website, www.GlennSacks.com. Richard Smaglick is an intelligent and hard-working activist who thought up the Volvo campaign and took the idea to me. There is nothing about the Pepsi ad on Smaglick’s website, and he has not publicly done anything about it, though he did contact some reporters. It seems rather unfair to beat up on Richard.] In particular they spent several months “torturing,” as one ad exec put it, Arnold Worldwide, which was considered guilty of “contemptuous depictions” of men in its ads for Fidelity Investments. The group even tried to persuade Volvo not to give its account to Arnold. Volvo did the sensible thing — ignored the trumped-up charges and hired the agency. [I am sorry that the advertising executive felt that we were “torturing” Arnold Worldwide, but that was clearly not our intent. Arnold Worldwide had a track record of making advertisements which denigrate men and fathers, particularly their Fidelity advertisements. When Arnold was competing for an advertising contract with Volvo, Richard Smaglick suggested to me that this might be an opportune time to intervene. We politely explained to Volvo that we were unhappy with Arnold’s ads, and we suggested that Volvo give the advertising contract to another company. Our campaign was modestly successful. We knew that Arnold was the favorite to get the contract, and were not surprised when they got it. However, Volvo did pledge to protesters that its advertisements would remain “family-friendly,” and, as best we can tell, they have kept that commitment. The advertising series that Arnold did for Volvo uses the slogan “Life is better lived together” and is a likable series. To learn more about our Volvo campaign, click here or see my Adweek column Father Knows Best (3/12/07). As an aside, there is also other considerable evidence that we were happy to work with Arnold Worldwide to help them understand our concerns, and that Arnold was respectful and open to our message. Unfortunately, I am not at liberty to discuss the details publicly.] But that wasn’t the point for Smaglick and his acolytes. The point for them is that protesting against ads, particularly around Super Bowl time, is a cheap, easy way to get publicity. And it works, thanks to a seemingly infinite supply of journalists and bloggers (this publication and this columnist included, clearly) willing to indulge anyone with an e-mail account, a perceived slight against his person and three similarly minded internet buddies. [I’m not sure why Bloom makes a reference to “three similarly minded internet buddies”–our Volvo campaign generated over 3,000 calls and letters in protest. My 2004 campaign against Verizon’s anti-father ad “Homework” was publicized in over 300 newspapers throughout the United States and Canada, and also generated several thousand protest calls and letters.] The media’s complicity in all of this is only one of the depressing things about it. There’s also the sad fact that marketers and their agencies take these people seriously, scrapping ad campaigns based on “backlash” from a dozen consumers. The fear of offending anyone anywhere at any time has contributed to the mediocrity that is TV advertising today. Then there’s the fact that the people who use such tactics undermine their own case by endlessly parsing sales material until they find something offensive. Even these dads-get-stereotyped-too groups have worthwhile issues they want to raise — whether courts are biased against fathers in divorce cases, for example. But when they try to find hidden meaning in Justin Timberlake bumping into stuff, it’s hard to see them as anything but unhinged individuals with too much time on their hands. [I’m surprised that Bloom thinks that either Richard or I have to look long and hard to find ads which denigrate men and fathers. They are everywhere. How do I get the ones I feature? That’s easy–my readers send them to me. I launched the Verizon campaign after a grandma who listened to my radio show wrote me about it. The anti-male ads that I feature on my blog are almost always sent to me by a reader.] But the saddest thing about all this is the time and energy diverted from the more important ways advertising must be held to account. Right now, there are financial institutions with aggressive campaigns pushing credit to consumers whose debt loads are already crushing. Advertisers are spending billions to support an Olympics in a country with an abysmal human-rights record. There are companies with shocking environmental records making claims to environmental friendliness. There is a debate to be had about the merits and pitfalls of advertising drugs directly to consumers. Or, say, over whether a country that holds democracy dear should be happy its presidential primaries could come down to who spent the most on ads. Sorry, but Justin’s nuts just doesn’t rank, and even these advocacy groups should be big enough to see that. [Another common tactic opponents use is the “Isn’t there something more important than this?” argument. The central flaw in the argument is that you can always use this in almost any circumstance. I remember a particularly ridiculous example of this during our 2004 campaign against the “Boys are Stupid” children’s shirts and products. Our campaign made newspapers and media outlets in six different countries, and received tremendous coverage in the United States. We were successful in driving the products out of 95% of the retail stores which carried them at that time. I don’t remember whether it was a radio or television interview, but one person asked me, “There are millions of people starving to death around the world–shouldn’t you do something about that, instead of protesting these T-shirts?” If we judge things compared to the plight of Chinese political prisoners or Global Warming, neither our campaigns against anti-male advertising nor Mr. Bloom’s columns in Advertising Age would rank very high.] Again, to write a Letter to the Editor of Advertising Age to about Bloom’s attack on fatherhood activists, click on editor@adage.com or click here.
Sacramento, CA–Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference “From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence” was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.
Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment’s stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.
I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog–to learn more, click here.
Dr. Donald Dutton is one of the premier domestic violence authorities in the world. He co-founded the Assaultive Husbands Project in 1979 and has published more than 100 papers and books, including the Domestic Assault of Women, The Batterer: A Psychological Profile, The Abusive Personality, and his latest work, Rethinking Domestic Violence. Dr. Dutton can be reached at dondutton@shaw.ca.
At the Sacramento conference, Dutton criticized the way the domestic violence establishment–of which he was once very much a part–has distorted the research to minimize and ignore female and mutual domestic violence. One of the problems he cites is the tendency of establishment researchers to fail to check original sources but instead depend on another researcher’s citation of statistics. These findings are repeated and parroted–including by the media–until they become accepted wisdom, even though they are inaccurate.
As examples, Dutton noted that the American Bar Association Website states that “85% of perpetrators are male,” and, according to the American Psychologist, “studies indicate that more than 95% of abuse perpetrators are men.”
The way these falsehoods are created and spread is dubbed the “Woozle Effect’ after Winnie-the-Pooh, who says, “When going round a spinney of larch trees Tracking Something, be sure it isn’t your own footprints you are following.”
Some of Dutton’s examples of the Woozle Effect are below:
1) A study by Langley & Levy from 1977 (Wife Beating: the Silent Crisis) reported that half the women in the US were abused, and cited a Gelles & Straus study as their basis for their inappropriately extrapolated statistic. The problem? The study had been conducted in a battered women’s shelter.
2) In 1980, Linda Macleod published a book called Wife Battering in Canada: The Vicious Circle in which she claimed that every year one in ten Canadian women in a relationship are battered. However, MacLeod”s figure was apparently based not on a representative sample but instead on the proportion of women that a shelter in Windsor, Ontario said they had to turn away.
3) Arias et al. (2002), quoting Stets & Straus (1992a) as a source, claimed “women were seven to fourteen times more likely to report that intimate partners had beaten them up, choked them, threatened them with weapons, or attempted to drown them.” (p. 157). However, the Stets & Straus study did not say this. There is no action by action analysis reported (such as choking or drowning). More importantly, they concluded that male and female violence rates are identical.
Sacramento, CA–Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference “From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence” was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.
Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment’s stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.
In coming days and weeks, I will be detailing the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog–to learn more, click here.
Erin Pizzey, who opened the first battered women’s shelter in the world for women in Chiswick, England in 1971, was a featured speaker at the conference. From the beginning of her work Pizzey has maintained that female domestic violence is also a problem, and that many abusive relationships consist of mutual or female-initiated violence, as opposed to the DV establishment’s man-as-perp/woman-as-victim model.
Pizzey gave an interview on KFBK AM 1530 in Sacramento before the conference–the interview can be heard by clicking here. The interview is also available on the California Alliance for Families and Children website here.
In the picture above, Erin is the blond-haired woman in the middle facing the camera. The protesters are angry that the UK government was threatening to shut down one of the dozens of women’s shelters/refuges that Erin set up. The government had a legal dispute with Pizzey. Some of the protesters’ placards read:
“I am a battered wife and Chiswick is the only home I have for my two children and I, so help us to help others.”
“This refuge is our only home in Chiswick so help us to keep it.”
“Erin gave us our home and freedom and now can’t the government give her hers.”
“Who is going to help us? Support Erin Pizzey”
At the conference Erin received a well-deserved lifetime achievement award from the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center.
Husband Is Idiot in AT & T Commercial
Los Angeles, CA–Hubby is an idiot who gambles away the family’s money and then reports his idiocy to his wife, who is–guess what?–smarter and more responsible than him.
There are two versions of the ad, similar and similarly insulting. The first one can be seen here, or below. The second one can be seen here.
[youtube:http://youtube.com/watch?v=JhbKwVVTUyU]
Nebraska–Background: Critics of divorced fathers and so-called “deadbeat dads” are often unaware of the many problems with the way child support is set and enforced. One of these problems is the phenomenal amount of errors Child Support enforcement agencies make. I’ll be running stories about them as part of my series called “Child Support Enforcement’s Endless Errors.”
Former California Assemblyman Rod Wright, a leading advocate of child support reform, says, “When you die, you can go up or you can go down, but either way child support enforcement is still gonna get their money.” Below is an example. According to Dead Man Billed For Child Support:
“A widow says she’s still getting bills from the Nebraska Child Support Office addressed to her late husband, asking for money. The Nebraska Child Support Office is asking for payments, even though her husband passed away a year ago.
“‘He has two children that live in Texas and he had been paying child support on them,’ said Dawn Hunt.
“Hunt used to live in Lincoln, but after her husband died, she moved to Des Moines, IA, and got a new job.
“‘Mid-November, I received a bill in Chad’s name to my new address in Iowa. It was from the Nebraska Child Support Office. I opened it up and it said, ‘your child support is past due,’ and I was like ‘what is this?'” said Hunt.
“Hunt said she was told that the child support office knew he was deceased. Hunt said the office person she spoke with told her that an order needed to be made to stop payments and that the office would take care of it…
“Hunt has racked up around $4,000 in owed child support since his death. Due to the owed child support, Dawn Hunt’s federal tax refunds were withheld for about a month because she filed jointly with her husband.”
Perhaps the least trustworthy words ever are when an error is pointed out to child support enforcement and they promise to “take care of it.”
BTW, I was just joking about “‘Being Dead Is No Excuse for Not Paying,’ D.A. Says.” No district attorney would ever say such a thing. I think.
England–“Jim Parton, of Families Need Fathers, said that, although children should be listened to, those interviewing them needed to be very skilled to ensure that they did not ask leading questions. ‘With my son when he was asked, aged 5, ‘What do you consider to be your main home?’ “He said, ‘I have mummy”s house and daddy”s house”. The court welfare officer then asked him the question four more times and led him by the nose until he said, ‘Mummy”s house”,’ Mr Parton said.” Back in 2005 Anthony Douglas, the head of the UK Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service (Cafcass), stated that children as young as 7 should be allowed to decide which parent they want to live with in cases of divorce or separation.
I’m appalled, and am happy to see that UK fatherhood groups criticized this idea. On a larger level, I think when kids are given too much say over custody arrangements, the result is that parents are afraid to properly discipline or set limits for their teenagers. They’re afraid that if they do so, the child will want to go live with the other parent, who may be enticing them with a sweeter deal. I receive plenty of letters from both divorced fathers and mothers who say their former spouse has done this. I’m dubious about family courts even allowing children ages 12 or 14 to decide which parent they want to live with. Some children that age have the maturity to make a good decision, some don’t. Also, kids can be easily manipulated and bribed, not to mention alienated or poisoned by one parent or another. The story from July 2005 is below. Thanks to Steve Bayliss. ‘Let 7-year-olds choose between their parents’ The Times, July 23, 2005 By Alexandra Frean, Social Affairs Correspondent CHILDREN as young as 7 should be allowed to decide which parent they want to live with in cases of divorce or separation, Anthony Douglas, the head of the Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service (Cafcass), has said.The “wishes and needs’ expressed by children, and not their parents, should be the starting point for settling residence and contact disputes, he said.”Most children over the age of 7, 8 or 9, depending on their emotional development, will have a very clear view of what they want to happen. That view should stand unless there are safeguarding issues or some other overriding welfare issues.”Children, when trusted and empowered, usually tell the truth. They will have thought about these issues very deeply. With their parents separating, they will be in a situation they don”t want to be in — they won”t have voted for it.”They will tell you what they want to happen. That should be your starting point,’ Mr Douglas told The Times.Mr Douglas emphasised that, ideally, children should spend time with both parents, but should be allowed to decide who to live with most of the time.He acknowledged that asking children was difficult, but said that the real test of whether parents wanted what was in their children”s best interests was whether they would allow their children to have a say.Father”s groups reacted angrily to Mr Douglas”s comments, saying that they would be bound to favour mothers in disputed custody cases. Tony Coe, of the Equal Parenting Council, said that it was for parents to decide what was in children”s best interests. “Children should not be given the option to opt out of one parent any more than they are allowed to opt out of school or going to the dentist,’ he said.Matt O”Connor, a spokesman for Fathers4Justice, said that Mr Douglas”s approach represented a gross abdication of responsibility on the part of Cafcass, which was set up in 2001 to co-ordinate the representation of children”s interests before the courts. “It could leave children feeling very guilty if they felt they had been responsible for driving one parent or other from their lives,’ he said. Both organisations said that allowing children to decide would favour the parent with care at the time of the contact dispute, usually the mother, as there was a risk that she could poison the child”s mind against the absent parent, usually the father.