Category: Blog

Los Angeles, CA–Background: I discussed the often unfair portrayal of black fathers in the media in my recent co-authored column Leonard Pitts” Column Unfair to Black Fathers (The Southern, 3/6/08) and my blog post Black Fathers in the Media (Part I). On a positive note, a couple years ago the National Fatherhood Initiative came out with some ads which portrayed fathers–particularly African-American fathers–very positively.
One of the NFI ads that I like is “More Than Words,” in which a young African-American woman who says her father was “larger than life” details her admiration for him. She raps: “And as my time to rear others grows near, I”m reminded that women marry men just like their fathers, and I hope that”s true. Anything less, might as well not even bother.’ To listen to “More Than Words,” click here. Another good one is “Errand” (pictured above) in which an African-American father helps his teenage daughter with an uncomfortable shopping purchase. To watch, click here or see below. [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjYP1szJXv0]

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families’ latest News Digest.

Program helps deadbeat parents pay (News 14, 3/24/08)

Father questions child support payments (KGET.com, 3-25-08)

House advances child custody bill for veterans (Waterloo & Cedar Falls Courier, 3/26/08)

‘Deadbeat dads’ get a choice: pay up or give up hunting (Bloomington Pantagraph, 3/27/08)

Changes urged in measure affecting reports on contractors (Tulsa World, 3/27/08)

State leader in e-payment child support (Dowagiac Daily News, 3/27/08)

2 Akron men arrested for not paying child support (Akron Beacon Journal, 3/27/08)

Framingham immigrant custody battle continues (Metrowest Daily News, 3/29/08)

She’s 16, yours & here’s the bill (The Sun, 3/31/08)

Centralia grandmother accused of domestic violence for slapping (Associated Press, 3/31/08)

Boston, MA-Fathers & Families has made major progress towards passage of shared parenting legislation in Massachusetts, and these gains can be exported to other states.

Here are our major accomplishments:

• We demonstrated that ordinary people overwhelmingly support shared parenting as the usual outcome for fit parents. We did this by winning 86% of the votes cast by 600,000 Massachusetts voters on this subject.
• We persuaded over one-quarter of the Massachusetts Legislature to co-sponsor our shared parenting bills, including powerful committee chairmen.
• Our Governor has established a website (  www.devalpatrick.com/issues.php ) on which citizens can record the issues that concern them. Of over 500 issues on the website, we made shared parenting the number one vote-getter, even outstripping votes for or against same-sex marriage.
• After we met with Governor Patrick”s top aides, he stated publicly that he supported shared parenting, and told legislators that if they passed it, he would sign it.
• We brought the research supporting shared parenting to the legislators to be sure they were aware of it. We even had one of the researchers present her findings right in the state capitol building.
• Recently, we met with the editorial writers of the Boston Globe. A few days later, they became the first major newspaper in the country to endorse the principle of shared parenting. For instance, they wrote, “Children should have both parents in their lives sharing daily tasks such as homework and household chores as well as big events.’

It is still unlikely that our bills will pass in the current session of the Legislature. Nevertheless, we will be back in the next session, and one after that, and the one after that, until we win.

I want to hear your suggestions about novel tactics that might put us over the top, so post your comments.

Los Angeles, CA–I discussed Los Angeles County’s new campaign against ‘”deadbeat dads” on KABC AM 790 in Los Angeles on Thursday. The campaign is detailed in the Los Angeles Times” New program targets ‘Top 10’ deadbeat dads (3/19/08). The campaign is more or less the usual stuff — stigmatizing noncustodial fathers, chest-thumping, vilifying so-called “deadbeat dads” with no recognition of the forces that often create child-support noncompliance, etc., etc. The list was announced by Los Angeles County District Attorney Steve Cooley and LA County Child Support Services Department Director Steven Golightly last Tuesday. KABC tried to set up a debate between Cooley and I but wasn’t able to connect with him in time. During the interview on KABC, several people called in with their bad experiences with child support enforcement. Some of the points I made included: 1) According to the California Judicial Council, 80% of California child support debtors earn poverty level wages. 2) According to a January report by the California Department of Child Support Services, there are four primary factors creating child support arrearages in California: “high child support orders established for low-income obligors’; “a limited number of child support orders adjusted downward”; “establishment of retroactive child support orders’; and “accrual of 10 percent interest on child support debt.’ Given this, it’s very hard to see how Cooley and Golightly can justify this punitive approach. 3) Over a quarter of California’s child support arrears is interest. 4) Child support enforcement is modeling the last on the FBI’s fabled “10 Most Wanted” list. During one of the newest telecasts, a child support enforcement official held up the FBI’s Most Wanted list and there was a picture near the top of Osama bin Laden. I guess they want us to draw parallels between “deadbeat dads” and terrorists. I can’t remember whether I said it during the broadcast are not, but I will give Cooley and Golightly a little credit for the following–they did explain during their press conference that some of the “deadbeats’ they”re pursuing may be able to use California”s Compromise of Arrears Program. COAP allows some obligors to settle their artificially-inflated paper debts to the state for realistic amounts. I’ve discussed COAP before–it’s another good project that former California legislator Rod Wright and Michael Robinson of the California Alliance for Families and Children helped create.

Port St. Lucie, FL–“A woman in Port St. Lucie faces charges of chasing her fleeing husband around their yard in a minivan, in attempts to drive over him about 20 times.

“Their baby, who was in the back seat of the minivan, was buckled up and was not hurt, deputies said.

“Deputies said it started over a dispute over $300 on Friday between Leslie Ann Brown and her husband, Nicholas.

“Deputies said he tried to stop the vehicle by throwing a brick at the windshield.

“The wife has been released on $2,750 bond, charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and child abuse.”

Huh? In the MSNBC/AP story quoted above, a woman repeatedly tries to murder her husband, at the same time endangering their baby–and she is out on a lousy $2,750 bond?

And does it not occur to anybody that the baby could have been hurt if she rolled or crashed the van? (Am I cynical to note that I’m surprised the man is not being charged with endangering his baby for throwing the brick?)

Typical of the way the mainstream media dismisses violence against men, the article is under the header “Criminal Weirdness.” MSNBC asks “Which story in Weird news last week did you think was the strangest?” and groups the story of the woman’s murder attempt with lighthearted fare such as:

“Illinois-shaped corn flake sells for $1,350”

“Cops chase stolen doughnut van at 100 mph”

“Japan appoints robot cat ambassador”

“Wine taster’s nose insured for millions”

“Danny Boy the bird reunites with owners”

One more point–can anybody tell me what common, two-word phrase is glaringly absent from this story?

The story is here–thanks to G.R., a reader, for sending it.

Los Angeles, CA–Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I”d play a song that would never, ever end
How I”d love, love, love to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He”d make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I”d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I”d love, love, love to dance with my father
again

Sometimes I”d listen outside her door
And I”d hear her, mama cryin” for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I”m prayin” for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don”t do it usually
But Lord, she”s dyin” to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

The late Luther Vandross’ father died when Luther was young, and 40 years later Luther still grieved. In 2003, he co-wrote the powerful song “Dance With My Father,” dedicated to his memory of childhood dances with his father.

The music video for the song features various celebrities alongside their fathers and other family members. To watch the video, click here or see below.

[youtube:http://youtube.com/watch?v=nvW6nuQ2B0s]

Los Angeles, CA–Last weekend my wife and I attended a Quinceanera for our next door neighbor at the San Fernando Mission (pictured) in Los Angeles. Both the religious ceremony and the banquet afterwards were done very traditionally, all in Spanish, with folk dancing from Mexico, where the mother is from, and from Argentina, the father’s country of origin.

One thing stood out for me — during the religious ceremony, the priest made it a point to tell Vicky, the Quinceanera, how lucky she was to have an intact family. He explained how important this is, as it provides a good example for the children.

It has been a while since I attended a Catholic religious ceremony (I taught at a Catholic high school many, many years ago), and I do not know how often priests voice such sentiments. But it seemed significant to me, and it seems that increasingly the religious community is starting to take the problem of divorce and family breakdown a little more seriously. I made a point to go up to the priest afterwards and thank him for his comments.

On a different note, both my son and my daughter took part in the ceremony, and my son wore a tuxedo for the first time. My wife and I could not get over how mature, composed and adult he looked, particularly when he was dancing with some of the young ladies. It was very nice to see him like that, but also a tiny bit sad — they grow up so fast…

Georgia–