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‘Single Mothers by Choice’ Behaving Badly (Part I)

A few weeks ago I debated the issue of “Single Motherhood by Choice” on the BBC. The producer emailed the guests the 2006 London Times article Focus: Going solo (6/4/06), and among those I was debating was Viki Matten, who is discussed in the piece as an early pioneer in the “Single Motherhood by Choice” movement. The article unintentionally reads like a laundry list of bad behavior by “single mothers by choice.” A couple examples: 1) “[Former Spice Girl] Geri Halliwell (pictured) last month gave birth to a daughter, Bluebell Madonna, conceived during a six-week fling with the screenwriter Sacha Gervasi.
Early on in the pregnancy Halliwell fell out with Gervasi — apparently when he questioned whether the hasty conception had been an accident. The hapless 40-year-old was then reportedly reduced to hanging around London”s exclusive Portland hospital hoping to catch a glimpse of his baby, having found himself superfluous to Halliwell”s requirements.” 2) “Some women, of course, don”t want to stop at one child. Clare, a 35-year-old criminal law paralegal from Berkshire, has done a ‘double Geri’, resulting in Charlie and Mia. She got pregnant by her then lover in 2003. Shortly after the baby was born, the relationship fell apart. She then plotted with her best friend to set up her unsuspecting ex a second time. “I seduced him in a pub car park when I knew I was at my most fertile,’ she says. ‘I put on a little floral dress and a bit of makeup. I had a lucky shot, and that was it.'”

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From 1900: Another Example of How Our Society Never Valued Women or Saw Them as Human

Feminists often portray the pre-feminist (pre-1970) era as one in which women were not valued or seen as being fully human. To cite one example of thousands, just this week the National Organization for Women wrote on their website: “Are women human? Do women deserve full human rights? The U.S. Senate isn’t sure.”

My belief is that while 1960s/1970s feminists had plenty of legitimate grievances, their insistence that society never valued women is false. In reality, men made enormous sacrifices to provide for their wives and children–a testament to the average man’s respect for women. In my column Hate My Father? No Ma’am! (World Net Daily, 4/8/02), I wrote:

“[There has been a] successful feminist re-writing of the pre-feminist past as a virtual dark ages where men lived like nobles and women were their serfs…Tens of millions of male blue collar workers–who put their bodies on the line in the coal mines and steel mills so their wives and children could live in safety and comfort–have been turned into oppressors. Their wives and children, for whom these men sacrificed so much, have been turned into their victims.

“Edited out of our history are the tragedies of millions of American men who were killed or maimed on what German socialist Rosa Luxemburg called the ‘battlefield of labor.’ The miners who died in cave-ins, explosions, or of black lung disease. The sailors and fisherman who died at sea. The oil refinery workers killed in explosions. The factory workers killed in industrial accidents. The construction workers who died carving train tracks and then highways through majestic mountain cliffs or the scorching desert. The construction workers who died building our bridges, dams, high rises, stadiums, and apartments.

“All of them have been forgotten, in part because there is no natural constituency which would like to remember them–the right generally does not dwell on yesterday’s struggling blue collar workers and heroic union men, and the left is beholden to the feminists, for whom any mention of men as special contributors or as victims is strictly forbidden.”

While reading one of Bill James’ baseball books recently, I stumbled upon another small but real example of how society viewed women 100 years ago. It concerns an incident involving George Davis (pictured), a turn-of-the century star baseball player, some of his teammates, and a devastating apartment fire.

Davis, then a player with the New York Giants, was on the way to the Polo Grounds with two of his teammates on April 26, 1900 when they saw smoke rising from an apartment building a couple of blocks away and rushed to the scene. It was a major fire which left 45 families homeless. According to the New York World’s article the next day:

“George Davis, Captain of the New York ball team, with ‘Kid’ Gleason and ‘Mike’ Grady of the same nine, had been among the first on the scene and had worked like Trojans in carrying down the helpless. They saw Mrs. F Van Lieben on the top floor of No. 304.

“‘There’s a woman up there!’ Capt. Davis exclaimed. He went up the ladder like a squirrel. The heat within blistered his face but he reached the woman and carried her down. She had nearly fainted from terror…

“Firemen Roach, Arene, Browning, and Gulick rescued Mrs. Sturges and her three daughters, cut off by flames on the fourth floor of No. 306. Bicycle Policeman Sturden rescued two girls from the third floor of No. 306. Mrs. Tibbetts and a three year-old child were taken from the fourth floor down the front fire-escape by ‘Kid’ Gleason and Capt. Davis.

“Mike Grady and Fireman Frederick Bluemmertt of Hook and Ladder No. 23 took Mrs. Pease in safety from the third floor. Bluemmertt’s hand was badly cut by crashing glass and he was taken to the J. Hood Wright Memorial Hospital.

“Interviewed about it on the scene, Davis told a reporter that ‘I didn’t do much. I just went up the ladder the same as the rest of the boys and helped to carry down women and children. Once I thought I was going to be cut off by the flames and be prevented from reaching a child that was holding out its arms to me. But I got through to the little one and reached the ground without either of us being hurt. I didn’t do half as much as Grady and Gleason. We were on our way to the Polo Grounds for preliminary practice before tackling the Bostons when we were attracted by the fire.'”

Three major league baseball players spontaneously risked their lives to save women and children (mostly girls), without a thought for their own safety, as did numerous firemen and policemen–hardly exemplary of men not valuing women and girls.

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Windex Commercial-Dad’s an Idiot and His Pain Is Funny

Background: TV often portrays men and fathers as idiots–to learn more, click here.

Brandweek Magazine editor Todd Wasserman discussed the problem of ‘Dad as Idiot’ advertising in his recent column The Surviving Dads Of Ads.

In this Windex commercial, dad is an idiot and his wife/mommy cleans up after him.

The man is also in pain, which is, of course, slapstick funny.

To watch the commercial, click here or see below.

[youtube:http://youtube.com/watch?v=HQnqlDrMO8k]

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New Movie Starring Keira Knightley Focuses on Pain Caused by False Rape Accusation

The new movie Atonement, starring Keira Knightley (pictured), focuses on the destruction wrought by a false sexual assault accusation. The movie trailer can be seen here or below. The film’s release date is December 7. A description of the film’s plot from Wikipedia is below (warning, plot spoilers):

“The film is at first set in the UK in the 1930s. 13-year-old Briony has a crush on Robbie, who is in love with Briony’s sister Cecilia. Through her window, she sees Cecilia jump into a fountain in the presence of Robbie, which Briony understands as a flirtation between them.

“Robbie asks Briony to give a letter to Cecilia, thinking it’s an apology he’s written. Briony reads it, but it’s not an apology; it’s a sexually explicit letter that Robbie had also written but never intended on showing to anyone. Briony thinks Robbie is a pervert. She later discovers Cecilia and Robbie having sex in the library (they did this after finally confessing their love for each other). That same night, Cecilia’s and Briony’s cousin Lola Quincey is sexually assaulted by Paul Marshall, a guest staying at the house. Briony assumes Robbie was the culprit, and pretends to have seen him do it. As a result Robbie is arrested and convicted.

“After three years in jail Robbie has the option to go into the army, to fight in France against the Nazi army (WWII, May 1940), which he does. Cecilia left her family after Robbie’s arrest and works as a nurse in London. Robbie and Cecilia meet briefly at a cafe before he leaves, and make plans to reunite at a cabin by the sea.

Robbie and Cecilia write to each other. In one of her letters, Cecilia tells him that Briony, to whom she has not spoken in years, has sent her a letter saying she wants to see her because she’s sorry for what she did. Robbie is in Dunkirk at the French northwest coast, sick and hoping to return to England on the next ship in the Dunkirk evacuation.

“Briony has given up her Cambridge dreams and is also working as a nurse, trying to find atonement for her sin. She starts writing a book, ‘about a girl that sees something through her window and misunderstands it’. She discovers Lola is marrying Paul Marshall and attends the wedding, but doesn’t dare to interrupt the ceremony. Lola recognises her and looks away in shame.

“Briony visits Cecilia and Robbie, who is back from the war, and promises to tell the truth to her family and the authorities.

“The film then makes the transition to an old Briony being interviewed about a book she’s written, called Atonement. She says it will be her last because she’s dying, but in a way it’s also her first because she had been writing it since the 1940s, but never could find a way to finish it. She reveals that she never had the courage to go see her sister and apologise, and the happy ending of the book never happened as Robbie died in France and Cecilia drowned during the bombing of an underground station. She wanted to give them the happy ending they never had, after living a life of guilt for what she’d done.”

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAD1pt8yXfk]

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NPO in the media

His Side with Glenn Sacks Radio Commentary: Child Support and Ex-Offenders

November 26, 2007

My recent His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentary for KLAA AM 830 in Los Angeles discusses one of the child support system’s more insane aspects–the way it saddles ex-offenders with impossible debts as they exit prison and try to reintegrate into society.

To listen to the commentary, click here.

To learn more, see my co-authored column New Justice Department Report”s Recommendations Could Reduce Prisoner Recidivism (Chicago Sun-Times, 10/26/07).

His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentaries are broadcast daily on KLAA AM 830, a 50,000 watt talk station in Los Angeles and Orange County. KLAA AM 830 is owned by Arte Moreno, owner of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. KLAA hosts include Glenn Beck and Michael Savage.

From 2003-2005, His Side with Glenn Sacks ran in a syndicated talk show format in Los Angeles, New York City, Boston, Seattle, and other cities. To listen to show archives, click here.

[audio:http://www.glennsacks.com/hsrc/mp3/hsrc-exoffender.mp3]
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Child Support Enforcement’s Endless Errors (Part I): Agency Demands Man Pay Ex-Wife CS for Child He Has with New Wife

“Bungling cases isn’t anything new at Friend of the Court. In recent years Action News has repeatedly showed you how Friend of the Court has accused honest men of being deadbeat dads even when they had proof they were paying child support or didn’t owe a penny.”

Critics of divorced fathers and so-called “deadbeat dads” are often unaware of the many problems with the way child support is set and enforced. One of these problems is the phenomenal amount of errors Child Support enforcement agencies make. I’ll be running stories about them as part of my series called “Child Support Enforcement’s Endless Errors.”

According to the Detroit TV station WXYZ’s news report Friend of the Court (11/10/06):

“It’s a system designed to protect children from the hardships of divorce, but one family says Wayne County Friend of the Court made life miserable instead.

“The Wayne County Friend of the Court is a place with a history of botching simple cases and turning them into a maddeningly confusing mess.

“No one knows that better than Ruth and Dale Akers, who married 6 years ago and had a baby named Dale IV.

“But then they got a notice from Friend of the Court saying their son wasn’t theirs. Instead, it said, he belonged to Dale’s ex-wife and Dale owed child support.

“Bungling cases isn’t anything new at Friend of the Court. In recent years Action News has repeatedly showed you how Friend of the Court has accused honest men of being deadbeat dads even when they had proof they were paying child support or didn’t owe a penny.

“Terrance Hale said Friend of the Court misspelled his name and had him paying support for a newborn named Marjae to a stranger named Toni Etters.

“‘All they could tell me is this is your kid because the computer says it’s your kid,’ he said.

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Unfortunately, Most Parents Can Relate to This

The piece is satirical, of course, but I think many parents have felt the same kind of disappointment that the dad in this Onion article felt.

Child Unimpressed With Aurora Borealis After Whole Day Of Tekken 3
The Onion
November 17, 1999

INTERNATIONAL FALLS, MN–A wide-eyed gaze of childlike wonderment over the incomprehensible majesty of creation was not elicited Monday, when 7-year-old Kenny Meier, son of local high-school science teacher Stan Meier, was unmoved by the Aurora Borealis after spending an estimated 12 hours playing Tekken 3.

“I have never forgotten the magic night that my own father, like his father and his father’s father before him, gently woke me, bundled me up in a warm blanket and quietly led me outside to see the Northern Lights for the first time,” said the elder Meier, dejectedly sipping a cup of hot cocoa on the back porch as his uninterested son ran back inside to his Sony PlayStation. “It was a moment I’d always looked forward to sharing with my own son.”

“Well, so much for that dream,” added Meier, heading to the kitchen to pour the boy’s untouched mug of cocoa into the sink.

The shimmering curtain of iridescent light known as Aurora Borealis is fabled in story and song as one of nature’s most beautiful and awe-inspiring phenomena. For Kenny, however, it paled in comparison to Tekken 3’s 3-D graphics and impressive 64-bit motion-capture animation, inspiring him to say, “I’m cold, Dad. Can we go back in now?”

The Northern Lights occur when the Earth’s magnetic field interacts with the “solar wind”–charged particles blowing away from the sun. The resultant luminescent display, visible in most northern latitudes during the winter months, stretches from 40 miles above the Earth’s surface in its lowest fringes to upwards of 600 miles above the Earth.

Though the sheer immensity of the glowing nocturnal spectacle makes it one of the most glorious sights in all of nature, the Aurora Borealis nonetheless fell far short of Tekken 3, Kenny said, due to its lack of interactive combat-mode features, substandard two-dimensional interface and undynamic, non-action-packed graphics.

Read the full article here.

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NPO in the media

His Side with Glenn Sacks Radio Commentary: Boston Red Sox Pitcher Curt Schilling & His Dad

November 26, 2007

My recent His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentary for KLAA AM 830 in Los Angeles discusses Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling’s bond with his late father.  Schilling says that in every game he starts, he reserves a seat for his dad.

To listen to the commentary, click here.

To learn more, see my blog post Curt Schilling: ‘My Father Was the Glue That Held My Family Together’.

His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentaries are broadcast daily on KLAA AM 830, a 50,000 watt talk station in Los Angeles and Orange County. KLAA AM 830 is owned by Arte Moreno, owner of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. KLAA hosts include Glenn Beck and Michael Savage.

From 2003-2005, His Side with Glenn Sacks ran in a syndicated talk show format in Los Angeles, New York City, Boston, Seattle, and other cities. To listen to show archives, click here.

[audio:http://www.glennsacks.com/hsrc/mp3/hsrc-shilling.mp3]
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Sounds Like the People Who Run Our Child Support Enforcement Agencies…

“Idiots. Utter, unbelievable, jaw-dropping, unpardonable idiots. It is beyond farce, past comprehension, criminally irresponsible and beneath contempt.

“All those lectures from government and authorities about keeping our personal data safe; every statement ever made about the security of the proposed NHS database of everybody’s personal medical records; each claim that the Children’s Database containing all their personal details will somehow make our kids safer; and of course each and every promise about the safety of the national identity register — exposed as quite, quite worthless. Because as soon as you put it on a computer, a bloke in an office can download it and stick it in an envelope and send your most personal details and mine and our children’s across the country with a dodgy courier.“It is shocking, it is risible, it is hilarious. Someone gave a disc containing confidential data about 25 million people to a bloke on a bike? And he lost it?”

In Second-class and lost in the post (London Times, 11/21/07), columnist Alice Miles details how the UK government lost two computer discs containing the personal information of all families in the UK with a child under 16. The disks contain Child Benefit data which includes the name, address, date of birth, National Insurance number and, where relevant, bank details of 25 million people.

I’m sure there will soon be a well-deserved, Night of the Long Knives-style purge of those connected to the scandal. Perhaps the axed employees can get jobs working for child support enforcement agencies–given the agencies’ relentless bureaucratic bungling, they’d fit right in.Miles’ column can be seen here.

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An Amazing Piece of Anti-Male Bigotry from the London Times

Background: The issue of Single Motherhood by Choice has been getting a good deal of press lately. For some examples, see There’s no shame in going solo, says mum (Guardian Unlimited, UK, 11/4/07) and Knocking Yourself Up–The ongoing debate over going it alone (Newsweek, 11/5/07). To watch me debate Single Motherhood by Choice on Fox’s nationally-syndicated Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, click here. To learn more about Single Motherhood by Choice, click here.

 

To learn more about what research says about the importance of fathers, see my co-authored columns Why Dads Matter (Houston Chronicle, 6/18/06) and Tyler Perry”s Daddy”s Little Girls Tells an Important Truth About African-American Fathers (Los Angeles Watts Times, 6/14/07).

Carol Sarler’s new column Of course children don’t need fathers–What women miss most is the man-sized salary, not the hunter-gatherer himself (London Times, 11/21/07) is an amazing piece of bigotry. I’ll leave most of the critique to my readers and will make only two points: 1) Sarler promotes the myth that fathers only matter as wallets, writing: “Ask any single mother what she most misses about having a man and her answer will be a man-sized salary; it is the absence of that, rather than of the man himself, that makes children go off the rails.” As I’ve noted many times, research shows that children in single mother families do suffer because of a lower income, but they also suffer from not having a father, regardless of income. Research amply demonstrates that, even when adjusted for income, the rates of juvenile crime, school dropouts, youth drug abuse and teen pregnancy are tightly correlated with fatherlessness. What Sarler and her co-thinkers refuse to understand is that male parenting, while different from female parenting, is equally important for children. 2) Sarler vastly understates the role of fathers in children’s lives historically. Apparently the fact that men had to be away from their families in order to provide for them and fight in wars disqualifies them from being considered real parents. Thanks to George, a U.K. reader, for sending me the article. Of course children don’t need fathers–What women miss most is the man-sized salary, not the hunter-gatherer himself Carol Sarler London Times, 11/21/07 Ruth Deech was in sprightly flow on the Today programme on Monday morning: “It is an issue of principle,’ the former chair of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority insisted, “that both sexes have a part to play in the bringing-up of children.’ Not that she was fighting a lonely corner. The proposal before the House of Lords this week — that not only should IVF clinics be relieved of their obligation to ensure that there are fathers for the babies they create, but that lesbians be able to register their partner’s name as co-parent — has outraged many vocal opponents. Such a change in the law, says Iain Duncan Smith, would “drive the final nail into the coffin of the traditional family’. Because? “Research shows,’ says Baroness Deech (she didn’t say which research), “that there is a distinct contribution to the upbringing of children made by fathers.’ Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, in a letter to this newspaper, placed a father within “the natural rights of the child’, while the commentator Melanie Phillips is adamant: “What we know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that children need their fathers.’ Really? Why? What for? And when did anybody last even ask? It might be very nice indeed for a child to have a dad around the house — provided, naturally, that he’s the proper kind: the devoted, sober, gentle giant much given to manly rites of passage like the proud purchase of a brace of season tickets to Arsenal. But nice is not the same as need and certainly not as “rights’; further, if the hands-on presence of a father were actually so imperative, our species would have died out in the primordial swamp. Hunter-gatherers didn’t sit around fashioning nappies out of hemp; they were off and away, garnering the means of survival — a function that, by the way, remains the most useful role for a father. Ask any single mother what she most misses about having a man and her answer will be a man-sized salary; it is the absence of that, rather than of the man himself, that makes children go off the rails.