NPO Blog Archive

Riverside, CA–Background: Recently California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Connecticut Governor M. Jodi Rell, and numerous California and Connecticut legislators took strong measures to protect goldfish, bunny rabbits, cats, dogs, and hamsters like little Cinnamon (pictured) from abusive relationships.

Earlier this year Rell signed a bill to protect pet victims of domestic violence and explained with a straight face, “Pets are too often the silent victims of domestic violence. They cannot fight back, and they are presently afforded no protection under our current legal system.’

According to Dr. Ned Holstein, Executive Director of Fathers & Families, Massachusetts has picked up this crucial public health issue with HB 1546.

Earlier this year Mike McCormick, Executive Director of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children, and I co-authored a column on the bill Schwarzenegger signed– see CA Legislators Vote to Protect Pets from Domestic Violence but Deny Services to Male DV Victims (Long Beach Press-Telegram, 4/21/07).

The story below from the Riverside Press-Enterprise decries the fact that–no joke–there are “few resources to protect Inland Empire pets caught up in domestic violence.” But all hope is not lost:

“Animal Safety Net [is] one of few safe-house programs for animals caught in the web of domestic violence…

“Riverside County Department of Animal Services officials have acknowledged the need to protect animals in violent households…In most parts of the country, pets continue to be silent victims of domestic violence, [Madeline Bernstein, president of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals in Los Angeles] said…

“Animal Safety Net works with prosecutors, social workers, sheriff’s officials and domestic-violence shelters to remove animals from abusive situations and temporarily house them in secret foster homes until the domestic-violence victims can find a safe place for the animals.

“It starts when police or social workers ask domestic-violence victims if they fear for their pets. If they do, authorities can retrieve the pets and place them in protective custody…there have been discussions within the department about ways to serve pets caught up in domestic violence, John Welsh said.

“In some regions, police, prosecutors, social workers and animal shelters work together to make sure that the animals are protected along with human victims, [Frank R. Ascione, a psychology professor at Utah State University] said. Some agencies refer pets to animal safe houses, and some county animal shelters take pains to hide the pets from abusers by housing them separately from pets up for adoption and by obscuring their names and ages, he said.

“At Animal Friends in The Valleys of Lake Elsinore, animal-control officers can remove pets from an abusive home and keep them in protective custody if the domestic-violence victim signs an affidavit swearing to the threat against the animal.

“‘We will do whatever it takes to make sure the animal is safe,’ said Monique Middleton, an officer at the shelter.”

Everyone’s concern and soul-searching over abused hamsters is touching–particularly when there is not one domestic violence shelter in all of Riverside County which does outreach to abused men. I’m not aware of one that will even take in an abused man.

And as far as I know there is not one police program in all of Riverside County which focuses on helping abused men escape their violent wives. This is despite decades of research which shows that women are as likely to abuse their husbands as vice versa, and that a third of all domestic violence related injuries are suffered by men.

The full article is Few resources protect Inland pets caught up in domestic violence (Riverside Press-Enterprise, 1/20/08)

To write a Letter to the Editor about this story, go to letters@pe.com. The reporter, Paige Austin, can be reached at 951-893-2106 or paustin@PE.com.

[Note: If you or someone you love is being abused, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women provides crisis intervention and support services to victims of domestic violence and their families.]

London, England–What a wonderful Father-Son ad from First Choice Holidays in the UK. The ad is called “Slow Motion Hugs.”

To contact First Choice to commend them for their positive, accurate portrayal of a father-son relationship, click here.

The ad was produced by the Beattie McGuinness Bungay advertising agency in London. To commend BMB for creating the ad, see below.

Phone: 0207 632 0400
Fax: 0207 632 0401
Email: andrew@bmbagency.com

To watch the ad, click here.

Thanks to Dan, an English reader, for sending it.

Houston, TX–“I retired because I wanted to be with my family and my kids and it was just time…I’m having so much fun being in their lives and being a dad again–full-time dad and not a rent-a-dad or part-time dad. I’m really having a good time with it.”–Future Hall-of-Famer Craig Biggio

AK, a reader, sent me this recent Houston Chronicle article on Craig Biggio (above left) and wrote “Craig Biggio retired this past year after 20 years with the Houston Astros. He is 42 and could have certainly played longer. So why did he retire? To spend time with his family.”

AK sounds like a bit of a Biggio fan–Biggio’s playing skills were in steep decline when he retired, though he certainly could have continued to play in a more limited role–backup infielder/outfielder, pinch hitter, maybe a platoon regular. In his day he was a fantastic and underrated player. I’m glad he’s enjoying full-time fatherhood now.

It reminds me a bit of Al Kaline (above right), the great Detroit Tigers outfielder of the 1950s and 1960s who was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1980. Kaline retired a little early, too, and said:

“I quit playing baseball because my son was getting ready to go to college and I hadn’t spent enough time with him. I wanted one summer with him before he went to college.”

The article is excerpted below.

Back on the field
Biggio could see himself staying in coaching profession
By BRIAN MCTAGGART
Houston Chronicle, 1/17/08

The coach roams around the baseball field with a piece of paper in his hand — a workout schedule for the day — while dozens of teenage boys sit in a pair of dugouts and await orders.

It’s the second day of baseball tryouts at St. Thomas High School, and a steady drizzle and cool temperatures do little to dampen the enthusiasm. Only once, when a passing student yells his name, is there any indication the coach under the visor has extraordinary credentials.

Craig Biggio tries to blend in with the rest of the coaching staff, which can be pretty difficult when you’ve amassed 3,060 hits in the major leagues, played in seven All-Star Games and have more doubles than any righthanded hitter in history.

Instead of dealing with the grind of a 162-game major league schedule and drawing a multi-million dollar salary, Biggio’s post-playing days have been filled volunteering as an assistant baseball and football coach at St. Thomas.

“They call me ‘coach Biggio,’ ” said Biggio, whose oldest son Conor is a freshman baseball and football player for the Eagles. “I really am enjoying it. I know I did the right thing in retiring when I did. It’s a great feeling.”

Biggio, 42, has been a fixture on the practice fields at the private Catholic school on Memorial Drive since October, shortly after his 20-year career with the Astros came to an end.

“This is a huge deal for us,” head baseball coach Ken Schulte said. “We thought we were getting a great kid, and in reality we wound up getting a heck of a coach, too.”

St. Thomas athletic director/head football coach Kurt Page approached Biggio a few days after the Astros’ season ended about helping coach the freshman football team. Schulte then recruited Biggio to help with baseball.

“I was happy to help out,” Biggio said. “I wasn’t sure how I was going to be accepted or they were going to accept me or how it was going to go, but for the 4 1/2 weeks of football that we did it, it was great. I loved it. They have a great bunch of kids over here at St. Thomas. They’re very respectful and just want to get better and want to play and work hard in school.”

Biggio’s participation in football wasn’t limited to practices. He worked the sidelines during freshman games, complete with a St. Thomas polo shirt and khaki pants like the rest of the coaches.

After initially being awed, the players grew accustomed to seeing Biggio around the field.

“The kids are just good kids, and after you meet them they’re just like, ‘Hey, you’re just like everybody else,’ ” he said. “It was really the whole adjustment process of them accepting me, and it didn’t take long at all.”

Craig Biggio, a regular guy? That’s something Conor knew all along.

“It’s not like, ‘Oh, my gosh, there’s Craig Biggio,’ ” said Conor, a defensive back/running back in football and — surprise! — second baseman in baseball. “He’s just doing the same thing as other coaches and treating everybody the same”…

“[Biggio] retired to be with his family, including Conor, 12-year-old son Cavan and 8-year-old daughter Quinn, all of whom are active in sports.

“There’s not much time, and hunting season has taken a (back seat) because of it,” Biggio said. “That is good, though. The deer are always going to be there and my kids aren’t. I retired because I wanted to be with my family and my kids and it was just time.

“This is the right thing to do, even though I can still play. I’m having so much fun being in their lives and being a dad again — full-time dad and not a rent-a-dad or part-time dad. I’m really having a good time with it”…

Read the full article and watch the video interview of Biggio here.

Fontana, CA–Background: Mary Winkler–who shot her husband in the back and then refused to aid him or call 911 as he slowly bled to death for 20 minutes–walked away a free woman last summer after serving a farcically brief “sentence” for her crimes.

Mary Winkler”s claims of abuse were largely uncorroborated during the trial. According to the testimony from Matthew Winkler’s oldest daughter, Patricia, the dead father–who as he lay dying looked at his wife and asked “why?”–was a good man and did not abuse her mother.

To learn more about this horrendous injustice, see my co-authored column No child custody for husband-killer Mary Winkler (World Net Daily, 9/14/07), or click here.

I think Bertha Martinez (pictured) is going to need Mary Winkler’s defense attorney–she was arrested and is being held on suspicion of murdering her disabled husband and her two kids.

Police say the couple had financial problems and had had trouble in their marriage, separating a year ago and then getting back together. I can hardly wait to hear Bertha explain how that monstrous 58-year-old disabled man beat, abused, and imprisoned a healthy 35-year-old woman, and why that necessitated her killing him and, um, killing their kids, too.

I bet her family is sitting there getting their stories straight right now–“OK, let’s practice–Bertha came over here screaming because…because…her husband was…uh…beating her, yes, that’s it, that’s what works–all together now ‘He was beating her’…”

Mom arrested in triple slaying
1/21/08
By RICHARD BROOKS
The Press-Enterprise

FONTANA – A 35-year-old Fontana woman is behind bars on suspicion of murdering her 58-year-old disabled husband and her two daughters, ages 7 years and 8 months, Fontana police said this morning.

Bertha Martinez went to a friend’s home about 10 a.m. Sunday and said her children were purple from the neck up, Sgt. Jeff Decker said. Officers were dispatched to check on the family and found the bodies of Marcelo Martinez and the couple’s children, 7-year-old Amy Martinez and 8-month-old Yomay Martinez.

The children were dead in their beds, apparently victims of strangulation or suffocation, Decker said. Their father was dead on the family room floor with head injuries from an apparent beating, the sergeant said.

Marcelo Martinez was a former warehouse worker who was disabled by a back injury, police said.

The motive for the killings remains unclear, Decker said.

Los Angeles, CA–In the www.FreeCreditReport.com ad “Dream Girl,” believe it or not, the woman was the irresponsible one whose mistakes made life more difficult for her husband.

In the anti-male world of advertising, this is a true man-bites-dog story.

To watch the ad, click here or see below.

Thanks to Charles, a reader, for sending it.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FspHU8hOxhY]

London, England–There is a controversy over one UK dating agency’s offer to connect men with Czech women “unspoiled by feminism.” Feminist domestic violence advocates are protesting, and one politician said, “Material like this is frankly disgusting and I am certain that everyone will share my revulsion.”

My feeling about international dating agencies in general is that I wouldn’t do it, but I wouldn’t criticize it. If that’s what men want, fine, it’s their lives. As for the comment that has generated the controversy–women “unspoiled by feminism”–I have a few thoughts:

1) If it really is an advertisement for doormat women, then yes, it’s offensive. But I doubt that’s what the agency meant, and I doubt that’s what most men who go to these agencies are looking for. While I’m sure these agencies do sometimes serve the “keep ’em barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen” type of male, probably the vast majority of the men just want a woman who doesn’t buy into the woman good/man bad Western feminist worldview. Do you really want to go through life with someone for whom it’s always his fault? I can understand men wanting to avoid this.

2) For the men at these agencies, “unspoiled by feminism” may well be code for “wants an intact family, isn’t fond of divorce.” Divorce is rampant in the West, and it is women, not men, who initiate the vast majority of divorces. Yes, sometimes the women have good cause or the relationship really is nonfunctional, but sometimes that is not the case. I can see why a man who’s been through the “I had no idea she wanted to divorce me” scenario–complete with concomitant restriction of access to his children and financial misfortune–would look for a crop of women who are less inclined to divorce.

3) Another way to look at it is this–if anybody, male or female, is considering marriage, and could choose from crop of potential partners #1, where the divorce potential was 1 in 2, and crop of potential partners #2 where the divorce rate was maybe 1 in 4, wouldn’t he or she be quite right to choose group #2? (BTW, does anybody know what divorce rates in the Czech Republic actually are?)

4) That being said, I’m skeptical that these foreign marriages work all that well. I’ve received plenty of letters from men who went for foreign brides and hooked up with the stereotypical beautiful and much younger spouse, and thought they had found true love, only to find that their foreign wives were more interested in their money and citizenship than them as people. If you’re one of those guys who wants her mostly for her beauty, don’t be shocked if she wants you mostly for your money.

5) I’m skeptical that Czech women are so unfamiliar with feminism. The Eastern Bloc countries employed many of the ideas that feminists recommend, including low-cost, 24 hour child care, free abortion on demand, and an emphasis on women having jobs and careers. I traveled throughout the East Bloc in the early ’80s, including Czechoslovakia. While it was obvious that the country’s economy was stifled by what Trotsky accurately called the “dead hand of the bureaucracy,” the women there were well-educated, and were hardly clueless naives.

The article is below.

Fury Over Dating Agency’s Sleazy Ads
Jan 21 2008
By James Moncur

A DATING agency’s sleazy offer of Czech women “unspoiled by feminism” was slammed yesterday.

Protesters have demanded that council officials investigate the activities of the Hand In Hand agency, whose website features the women in skimpy clothing and underwear.

They promise clients women 10 to 20 years younger than them who are “unspoiled by feminism at a very affordable price”.

It also claims they are “beautiful, intelligent and educated” and have a “culture of support and respect for their husband”.

Domestic abuse campaigner Kathryn Sharp said her jaw dropped when she read one of the fliers the agency are distributing around Dundee.

She said: “Its approach to women would be offensive to anyone, male or female. The implication is it is about the ability to buy a bride.

“As well as the offence it could cause to members of the public, the leaflet must raise concerns about exploitation of women in the Czech Republic.”

Another woman who complained said: “The small print on the leaflets probably explains the women cost a couple of goats and half a dozen chickens and that they always look forward to their daily beatings.”

Police have also been made aware of the agency’s leafleting activities.

Dundee councillor Joe Morrow pledged to act yesterday after receiving a number of complaints.

He said: “Material like this is frankly disgusting and I am certain that everyone in Dundee will share my revulsion that it is being handed out in public.”

A spokesman for Hand In Hand in Dundee, one of a number of franchises of the agency in the UK, insisted they were above board. He added: “We are simply an introduction agency and not a buy-a-bride service.”

But it emerged last night that Hand In Hand have been criticised by websites investigating internet scams and blacklisted by one – agencyscams.com.

Their investigator said: “I first ran across this agency three years ago. All the girls are the same as then. Bad sign.”

Denver, CO–Still another scholar has concluded that moveaways hurt children in most cases.

Dr. William G. Austin of Denver reviewed 77 research studies and summarized them in the January, 2008 issue of Family Court Review. He concluded, “Methodologically sound survey studies show strong effects on child outcomes due to residential mobility following divorce. The measurement of child adjustment problems . . .  ranges from greater frequency of school behavior problems with younger children to lower academic achievement, greater teen pregnancy, and lower psychological well-being in older children.’

Kenneth Waldron looked at over 70 published studies and reached similar conclusions in the Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2005.

As did Sanford Braver in the Journal of Family Psychology in 2003.

As did Richard Warshak in the Family Law Quarterly in 2000.

Unfortunately, Austin also wrote, “It would be unsound to use the research reviewed here as a basis for a presumption or bias against relocation of a child . . . ‘  Why do the psychologists usually oppose presumptions that would work well for most children? Because they hold the illusion that every case can be analyzed in depth by wise students of human behavior such as themselves. Lawyers file motions. Surgeons operate, and psychologists analyze.

They overlook the real world of crowded courtrooms, apathetic judges, no money for psychologists, and incompetent attorneys (if there is any attorney at all). In the real world, a presumption that works for most children is an absolute necessity.

In truth, there is already a presumption at work  —  but it is the wrong presumption, the one that says the custodial parent can leave with the kids. Even if not written into the statute book, it is very real in the courtrooms of many states. We need to replace the wrong presumption with the right one.

If there is no de facto presumption already in effect in Massachusetts in favor of moveaways, please explain to me the outcome in the case of Pizzino v. Miller:

Mr. and Mrs. Miller have two sons. Mrs. Miller began an affair with Mr. Pizzino. After awhile, it was discovered and led to a divorce. Despite her misbehavior, Mrs. Miller was awarded physical custody of the children – no surprise there. Over the next year or so, she acquired a few contempt citations for interfering with Mr. Miller”s access to his boys. After awhile, she married Mr. Pizzino. There was only one problem: Mr. Pizzino was active duty military and was stationed in South Carolina.

The new Mrs. Pizzino applied to the court to move to South Carolina with the two boys. She wanted to live with her new husband, of course. The GAL (a psychologist retained by the court) found that Mr. Miller was a great dad and the children were closely bonded to him. The psychologist recommended against the relocation, and the family court denied the moveaway.

Now enter the Massachusetts Appeals Court. Under crazy Massachusetts case law, the Appeals Court found that mom”s history of interfering with dad”s access to the children was not relevant (!). Also, the children”s strong relationship with dad was not a good enough reason to prevent the move. Therefore, the family court judge”s ruling should be overturned and the kids should go to South Carolina.

Somebody smarter than I please explain to me how this is good for the boys. They have lived their entire lives in Massachusetts and will now move to a military base in South Carolina. The research literature shows that the move will probably be very tough on them. They will live with a man whom they barely know and whom they probably don”t like since he is partly responsible for the break-up of their parents” marriage. Their mom will be distracted by her new marriage. They will need to make new friends in a military culture that is foreign to them, in a new community where their New England accent will be considered strange, in new schools that probably will be inferior.

Here”s the icing on the cake. The military will almost certainly move Mr. Pizzino from time to time, meaning that the children face not just one move, but a series of moves.

Oh, and one detail:  they will rarely see their father, whom they love, partly because of the distance, and partly because mom has a history of obstructing their time together.

Here”s the best part: under Massachusetts” perverted law, all this is done because it is allegedly in the best interests of the children. Go figure.

Click here to read the Fathers & Families bill in the Massachusetts Legislature that would tighten up on moveaways. We pushed this bill through the House a few years ago, and this year we hope to get it through both chambers.

Together with you in the love of our children,
Ned Holstein, M.D., M.S.
Executive Director

Thatcher, AZ–“Don’t ever try to convince yourself otherwise — this event is absolutely, completely your fault. You created it. You could have prevented it. You encouraged it. You found our pain funny. … If I have the opportunity to haunt you, I will…

“I pray you will see our faces in your mind’s eye and wonder what Ryan could have been and what we could have had if you had only chosen love.”–Tim Parmeter’s estranged wife’s murder-suicide letter

Whenever a man divorces his wife there’s the implicit blame that “he left her.” And no matter what the woman does afterwards–takes the man’s kids, makes false allegations, alienates the kids from him, or, in this extreme case, kills the kid to strike a blow at her ex-husband–some people seem unable to grasp that the man is a victim, and that her behavior post-divorce gives you a good clue why he would have wanted to get away from her. Instead we hear comments like “I wonder what he did to set her off like that?”

In this heart-wrenching case, basketball coach Tim Parmeter’s estranged wife killed his 2-year-old son in order to hurt Tim.

Murder-suicide by mother–Coach endures unthinkable loss one second at a time
Jan. 9, 2008
By Gary Parrish
CBSSports.com Senior Writer

THATCHER, Ariz. — Tim Parmeter pulled into the driveway and clicked and clicked and clicked his garage door opener, probably pushed the thing four or five times, best he can remember. But the door never opened. So he shook his head.

He just thought his estranged wife had changed the code like she had changed the locks, because that’s the kind of stuff people do when they’re going through a divorce. And it was a messy divorce.

There were arguments and fights, countless phone conversations resulting in hang-ups. There were threats, both silly and serious. But the bad moments always seemed to pass with time. And so even though Tim had argued with Paula the previous afternoon and didn’t hear from her the rest of that Friday, he didn’t really think much of it and, at the time, he figured he’d just stop by the house Saturday morning to see his 2-year-old son, Ryan.

“I was kinda surprised she didn’t call that Friday night,” Tim said. “But in some ways I was just relieved to not be arguing on the phone.”

But now it was Saturday morning and Tim was in the driveway and his clicker still wouldn’t work and he was starting to worry. He dialed the home phone. Nobody answered. He dialed Paula’s cell phone. Nobody answered. So he finally called Bryana Flynn, the family babysitter, and asked for help entering the home.
She told him the spare key was in the back. He grabbed it from inside a toy chest.

He unlocked the door. He walked inside.

“And I was still on the phone with Bryana as I was going through the house, and it was a mess,” Tim said. “I checked Paula’s office. Checked the bedrooms. Nothing. Ryan’s stuff was scattered all over the house and I was asking Bryana ‘Where did they go?'”

That’s when Tim opened the door that leads to the garage.

He immediately saw Paula in the backseat of the car, slumped over to the side.

She was dead.

“He was just yelling into the phone,” Bryana recalled. “He was yelling, ‘Oh my God! Where’s my f—ing baby?'”

When Tim got closer to the car he looked inside.

Ryan was lying in the back floorboard.

He was wrapped in a blue blanket.

“I remember yelling into the phone,” Tim said. “I just remember yelling, just screaming, ‘She killed herself and she killed my baby!'”…

“…What he later learned from police is [that]…she wrote six suicide letters addressed to six different people and mailed them all to her brother. Afterward, she placed Ryan in the backseat of the car with six stuffed animals, some toys, a few books, a sippy cup filled with milk and some chocolate candy. She crammed towels in every crack of the garage door and unplugged it, which is why Tim’s opener wouldn’t work. Then she rolled the windows down in the car and opened the sunroof before starting the engine and beginning the process that would kill herself and her son.

“He was just sitting in the backseat with Mom, reading books and playing,” Tim said. “He was just having a good time. What did he know?”…

“And one of [the police] said he had never seen anything like [her letter]. He said it was pure evil.”

“The letter was three pages hand-written.

“It reads, in part: Don’t ever try to convince yourself otherwise — this event is absolutely, completely your fault. You created it. You could have prevented it. You encouraged it. You found our pain funny… If I have the opportunity to haunt you, I will… I pray you will see our faces in your mind’s eye and wonder what Ryan could have been and what we could have had if you had only chosen love…

“The note is signed ‘Paula.’

“Beside her name is some scribbling. It’s clear she also had Ryan sign the letter.

“To the side she wrote, ‘That’s Ryan saying bye-bye, Dada.’

“‘That’s the part that really gets me,’ Tim said, his voice cracking as he placed the letter back into his bag. ‘That part still gets me to this day.'”

Read the full article here.

Los Angeles, CA–Background: The issue of Single Motherhood by Choice has been getting a good deal of press lately. For some examples, see There’s no shame in going solo, says mum (Guardian Unlimited, UK, 11/4/07) and Knocking Yourself Up–The ongoing debate over going it alone (Newsweek, 11/5/07). To watch me debate Single Motherhood by Choice on Fox’s nationally-syndicated Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, click here. To learn more about Single Motherhood by Choice, click here.

To learn more about what research says about the importance of fathers, see my co-authored columns Why Dads Matter (Houston Chronicle, 6/18/06) and Tyler Perry”s Daddy”s Little Girls Tells an Important Truth About African-American Fathers (Los Angeles Watts Times, 6/14/07).

Hugh Hefner, 81, apparently is going to selfishly crank out a soon-to-be-fatherless child with Playmate Holly Madison, one of his girlfriends. According to the World Entertainment News Network:

“Playboy boss Hugh Hefner is apparently finally willing to grant girlfriend Holly Madison’s wish of becoming a mother by agreeing to seek fertility treatment.

“Madison has regularly expressed her desire to become a mother on the hit reality TV show The Girls Next Door.

“And it seems the magazine mogul has agreed to become a father for the fifth time.

“According to Hollywood gossip columnist Janet Charlton, the 81-year-old and Madison were spotted visiting a Beverly Hills gynaecologist who specializes in vitro fertilization.”

I’m sure Hugh and Holly will assure us that all will be well because the child will be well-provided for financially. In reality, research shows that children in single mother families suffer from not having a father, regardless of income.

Research amply demonstrates that, even when adjusted for income, the rates of juvenile crime, school dropouts, youth drug abuse and teen pregnancy are tightly correlated with fatherlessness. Male parenting is different from female parenting, and is equally important for children.