NPO Blog Archive

Washington–Background: We’ve done several protests against ads which portray men and fathers as clowns–see Campaign Against Anti-Father Verizon Commercial, Campaign Against Anti-Male Advertising, Campaign Against Detroit News ‘Get Her a Gift or She”ll Give You a Black Eye” Ad and Portable On Demand Storage Decides to Remove Anti-Male Ad in Face of Protests. To learn more about the problems with the way men are portrayed in advertising, click here. Brandweek Magazine is a weekly marketing trade publication, one of the largest in the advertising world. Brandweek editor Todd Wasserman discussed the problem of ‘Dad as Idiot’ advertising in his column The Surviving Dads Of Ads (Brandweek Magazine, 11/12/07), writing, “It”s hard to argue that guys like Sacks don”t have a point”. He discussed several of the anti-male ads we cover on this blog, as well as some of our campaigns against anti-male advertising. After the article I came out, I suggested that readers share their views with Brandweek.
Our readers flooded the magazine with letters, 12 of which were printed–to read some of them and learn more, see my blog post Brandweek Prints Dozen Letters Criticizing Anti-Male Advertising. This week the Washington Times published an article on the subject of father-bashing in TV advertising. The Times wrote: “Todd Wasserman knew he had touched a nerve when he saw the enormous number of responses from readers. “As editor of Brandweek, a New York-based magazine that covers the nation’s marketing industry, Mr. Wasserman penned a column in November bemoaning the treatment of fathers in advertising. “The dad-as-buffoon and the anti-father imagery seemingly permeated advertising and marketing campaigns, which continually use stereotypes about men to get cheap laughs, he observed. And they are increasingly the norm. “The letters poured in. “‘I don’t think we ever got so much reaction,’ said Mr. Wasserman, the father of a 5-month-old. ‘That fathers are often the butt of ads and accepted as idiots, that was just commonly accepted. But for me, it just seems like a stale target, a safe target for someone trying to get an easy laugh in an ad. The more people I talked to, the more it seemed a lot of people felt that way.'” To write a Letter to the Editor of the Washington Times about Father figures (1/31/08), click here.

Los Angeles, CA–Another example of how mothers get away with whatever they want in family court. A letter I recently received from Gary, a reader:

“Dear Glenn:

“I have 3 kids, ages 9, 7 and 6. My ex-wife says the oldest isn’t mine.  I live in Ohio with my girlfriend and 10 month old son. I was married in California and was divorced there back in 2001. I’m currently paying child support for three kids with my ex-wife.

“It was a nasty divorce. I received ‘reasonable’ visitation rights with the kids. Though I tried, my ex refused to ever let me talk to the kids or anything. Eventually she stopped returning my calls period.

“Finally six years later she returned a call, in 2007. I was happy and looking forward to finding out about my kids, talking to them, seeing pictures, etc. It went well for a few weeks, but she still didn’t let me talk to them.

“I was taking it slow and didn’t want to push her, so I was patient. Then suddenly she went psycho. She said if I stay with my girlfriend & our son, I will never talk to my kids again. She then said my oldest daughter isn’t mine and changed her phone number.

“I never heard from her again until this week when we got papers from court. She wants double child support payments now and I don’t have enough money for an attorney. What do I do?”

Los Angeles, CA–“When I began junior high, I was shy, naive, and nerdy. I loved school. I enjoyed math games. I completely failed to notice that the other girls were not wearing plaid shirts and corduroy pants like the ones that my mom picked out for me. “As a result of these ‘unfortunate’ circumstances and my obviously sensitive nature, I was tormented mercilessly by a small set of the girls in the seventh grade. Most of the other girls — the vast majority, who didn’t actively harass me — would not be seen talking with me.
No girls came to my rescue. Some of the boys ignored what was going on and still tried to treat me like a human being, but at some point it became too difficult even for them. “The nasty girls used their social status to pick on easy targets. When they were bored, the worst girls would trick me by asking me apparently friendly questions then making fun of my answers in front of the class.” In a recent blog comment, scientist Betsy Barton, one of my favorite readers, described the hell she endured at the hands of other girls while in junior high school. A cousin of mine had a similar experience, one which she still remembers quite well today. I asked Betsy to write a more complete description of her experience, and it appears below. I shuddered reading it, to be honest. My daughter is a little young for this–she’s in 4th grade. Still, I can’t help but wonder if this extraordinarily happy and well-adjusted little girl is going to be out through the shredder in a few years because she’s wearing the wrong goddamn clothes or shoes, or isn’t as sophisticated and manipulative as the other girls. Which I’m sure she won’t be. Know what else scares me? I can’t protect her from that stuff. Ouch. If other readers have had similar experiences–or contrasting ones–I’d be interested in your comments. What Happens to Junior High Girls? By Betsy Barton In a recent thread, a frequent commentator “Roy” said something that brought back a flood of painful memories from my junior high years. Roy said, “Destroying a person’s reputation is a very common passive-aggressive tactic that girls learn how to use fairly early in life, and typically it starts during their adolescent `girlfriend wars’ when they employ it against their rival females. “Starting rumors, social ostracism, shunning, shaming, using friendship as a weapon, getting a third party to do your dirty work, making false accusations — these are all tools in the psychological arsenal — which are refined and perfected to be used later on in relationship wars with men.” I think Roy’s comment is a great description of a small subset of the nastiest girls I knew in my youth. I do not know what their motives were, I only know the consequences. And I am starting to understand — thanks to Roy — just who those girls grew up to be. When I began junior high, I was shy, naive, and nerdy. I loved school. I enjoyed math games. I completely failed to notice that the other girls were not wearing plaid shirts and corduroy pants like the ones that my mom picked out for me. Worst of all, my mother was a substitute teacher — and later a full-time teacher — in my school.

Indianapolis, IN–Credit Indianapolis Star cartoonist Gary Varvel for this so-true-it’s-painful depiction of the fatherless modern American family. The picture in the upper left of the album is the saddest of all. Ouch.

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families’ latest News Digest.

Paul McCartney attempts to settle Heather Mills divorce (TransWorldNews.com, 1-22-08)

Minimize the impact of divorce on your credit (San Louis Obispo Tribune, 1-22-08)

Shared Parenting Bill (WSAZ.com, 1-22-08)

Proposal helps deployed service members in custody cases (Associated Press, 1-23-08)

Man must pay child support for daughter who’s not his (Courier News, 1-24-08)

China divorce rate rises by 20% (BBC, 1-25-08)

Hogan divorce battle getting ugly (ABCactionnews.com, 1-25-08)

Like tax preparers in April, divorce lawyers brace for January (The Virginian Pilot, 1-26-08)

Woman on trial for attacking police in custody dispute (The Plain Dealer, 1-28-08)

Officials arrest deadbeat parents in sweep (Houston Chronicle, 1-28-08)

New York, NY–Roger Clemens, future Hall of Famer, welcome to family court. No, Roger isn’t getting divorced–in fact, former teammate Jose Canseco wrote that Clemens was very devoted and faithful to his wife Debbie during his baseball career. What I mean is this–Clemens has been accused in the Mitchell Report of using steroids. Clemens hotly denies this but throws up his hands in exasperation, repeatedly asking, “How do you prove a negative?” Well, how do you?
This is exactly the position that so many fathers are in when faced with false accusations of domestic violence or child sexual abuse in family court. How do you prove that you didn’t molest your daughter two years ago? How do you prove that you didn’t hit your wife six months ago? It’s very difficult–and very unfair for the falsely accused. In family court, hundreds of thousands of fathers have faced the same dilemma Roger Clemens does right now, but the stakes aren’t just their reputations, but whether or not they’ll be driven out of their children’s lives. It’s a terrible place to be. (As to the side issue of whether I think Clemens is culpable or not, I really don’t know. I hate to judge him unfairly, but just as there certainly are some men who do beat their wives despite their protestations of innocence, there were plenty of ballplayers who took steroids, and Clemens might have been one of them. I will say this–his excellent performance in his later years is not an indicator of steroid use, and may actually be proof against it. Because of Clemens’ exceptionally high strikeout ratios, it could have been expected that he would be effective far, far longer than other pitchers. People tend to think Clemens had some off years in Boston and then rebounded in Toronto, where he allegedly took steroids. There are a couple problems with this. One, his best year in Toronto occurred before he is accused of talking steroids. Two, his career in Boston didn’t slide nearly as much as people thought–a lot of it was bad run support, and even in off-years he still had a lot of strikeouts. Fenway Park back then was also a hitter’s park, and it could be expected that Clemens’ performance might improve after leaving it. Why would Clemens’ longevity indicate that he didn’t take steroids? Because steroids wreck the body over time. The steroid pattern is a sudden improvement, a few great years, then injury upon injury and an early retirement. If Clemens was taking steroids in any great measure, I’m skeptical he could have lasted as long as he did.)

Los Angeles, CA–“My own father, Randolph, was born in 1915, in Athens, Georgia. He does not know his biological father, and various men passed in and out of his and his mother’s life.

“At age 13, my father came home one day and, according to his mother’s boyfriend, ‘made too much noise.’ My father and the boyfriend verbally squabbled, with the mom siding with the boyfriend.

“His own mother threw him out of the house. As he walked down the street, she yelled, ‘You’ll be back–either that or in jail.’ Not much of a start. A black Southerner without a father, disowned by his mother, during the Depression…

“No, my dad and I did not always get along. Gruff and blunt, my dad often intimidated my two brothers and me. But we never doubted his love or his commitment to his family.”

In nationally-syndicated radio talk show host Larry Elder’s 2002 book Showdown: Confronting Bias, Lies, and the Special Interests That Divide America, he has an excellent chapter called “More Dads, Less Crime.” Larry is a fatherhood advocate who believes that fathers, particularly black fathers, have abdicated their responsibilities to their children.

I’ve had various contact with Larry over the years (one of my newspaper columns is reprinted in Showdown), and I have raised the issue of fathers being driven out of their kids lives. I’m not sure to what degree Larry believes me.

Anyway, in “More Dads, Less Crime,” Larry tells the amazing story of his father, Randolph Elder. An excerpt describing Randolph’s life is below. He is pictured above with Larry’s brother.

From Showdown: Confronting Bias, Lies, and the Special Interests That Divide America

My own father, Randolph, was born in 1915, in Athens, Georgia. He does not know his biological father, and various men passed in and out of his and his mother’s life. At age 13, my father came home one day and, according to his mother’s boyfriend, “made too much noise.” My father and the boyfriend verbally squabbled, with the mom siding with the boyfriend.

His own mother threw him out of the house. As he walked down the street, she yelled, “You’ll be back–either that or in jail.” Not much of a start. A black Southerner without a father, disowned by his mother, during the Depression.

He began a series of Dickensian jobs–hotel boy, shoeshine boy, valet, and cook for a white family. He became a Pullman porter for the railroad and a member of the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters. He traveled all across the country and visited California, a sunny place that seemed more liberal. When World War II broke out, he joined the Marine Corps, became a cook in the military, and fed thousands of GIs. He rose to the rank of sergeant and spent some time on the island of Guam awaiting a possible military invasion of the island of Japan. But, at the end of the war, he returned to the South, seeking work as a short-order cook. “Sorry,” restaurant after restaurant told him. “You have no references.”

References? How about that wartime stint on the island of Guam, cooking for and serving soldiers while awaiting the invasion of the island of Japan? No one hired him. They all said he “lacked references.” Disgusted, my father, who had just married my mother, packed up and left for California, vowing to find a job and send for her. My father again sought work as a short-order cook. Sorry, owners repeatedly told him, we need references.

So my dad went to the local unemployment office, and informed the clerk that he intended to take the first job that walked in the door. He literally sat for hours in the office until something came through.