This article tells us about a good idea that someone should have thought of earlier. In Switzerland, a protestant pastor, Andreas Cabalzar, has opened a small shelter for men who have just been kicked out of their house after a divorce filing.
As Cabalzar accurately says,
“80 percent of the time it is the wife asking for a divorce and the children stay in the family home while the father leaves with his suitcases and becomes more vulnerable.”
So Cabalzar’s shelter offers them a place to stay, and other men in the same situation with whom to compare notes. In case any of the men have their children, there is space for them too. At present, Cabalzar’s experimental shelter has room for only three men, but he says that the applications for space are increasing as time goes along.
The project began in September 2009 when four men visited Cabalzar to ask for help after separating from their wives. After leaving home, the men initially needed temporary shelter and a place to reflect on their situations.
“At the first moment everybody needs a roof and a bed and no man is prepared for this step,” Cabalzar told Reuters.
He said the problem pervades all sections of society and that he sees men from all walks of life hit by the problem.
“In such a reality people are suffering,” he said.
He also provides psychological and spiritual counselling. He’s trying to get more funding so he can open more houses for dads on the outside of the divorce and custody process.
Cabalzar adds that his real goal is to keep children connected with both parents both during the divorce process and afterward.
“After two years of separation too many children do not have any contact with their fathers,” Cabalzar told Reuters.
His goal is to make sure that they are no blockages and that the relationship with the parents stays as normal as possible.
He works closely with marriage councilors (sic), lawyers and psychologists to keep an open dialogue between the parents and ensure an ongoing positive relationship between the father, the mother and the children.
“There is a commitment to the children and a reliable relationship must be kept. The children need to have a positive picture of their parents,” he said.
Before his shelter project Cabalzar had worked with young and unemployed adults where he saw how important it is for children to have both parents around them.
The only thing I’d add to Cabalzar’s shelter is legal advice for the residents. The time immediately after the filing and the first temporary order requiring him to leave his home and children is uniquely difficult, confusing and uncertain. Psychological and spiritual counselling are necessary to a man in that situation, but having a good idea of his legal stance, what is likely to happen next and what his options are, can also be beneficial. Men in that situation need to know where they stand and, like it or not, the judicial system is a big part of that.
But aside from that, Cabalzar is obviously meeting a need. It’s one that millions of men (mostly) around the world experience and they could get a lot out of what Cabalzar is offering. More than that, Cabalzar understands the dynamics of divorce and its aftermath – that non-custodial dads have less and less contact with their children over time. His goal of ensuring as much continued contact as possible makes sense for fathers and children alike.
Thanks to Betsy for the heads-up.