DEC 18
If you’ve recently been granted joint custody, you might be wondering what exactly comes next for your family. More often than not, shared parenting requires a complete change of your living arrangements, personal schedules, and decision-making processes in order to best serve the interests of your kids. Regardless of the roadblocks you face early on, giving your children equal opportunities to grow their relationships with both parents is well worth the effort in the long run.
New Family, Now What?
The early stages of joint custody unavoidably bring about a change in your current living situation. Some families settle for an arrangement called ‘bird nesting,’ where the children live in the same house and parents rotate in and out to care for them. Nesting can be the ideal solution for situations where the parents are having difficulty locating independent homes within close proximity. Nesting allows the children to have a stable home with ample space and gives parents the option to live in apartments that otherwise wouldn’t be ideal circumstances for raising children. However, the more common approach is for both parents to find their own home—preferably close to one another—and have their children alternate between living spaces.
What About The Old Home?
Aside from custody of the children, ownership of the marital home is often the other major issue in a divorce since it is usually the most valuable asset. The best way to handle this situation requires the consideration of many different factors such as, whether one party can afford to buy out the other party’s equity, how selling versus keeping the home could affect the children, and any emotional attachments to the home. Similar to custody of the children, it is possible to maintain joint ownership of the marital home, as long as both parties are in agreement.
If both parties would rather not maintain joint ownership of the property, but not sell the home, then it’s time to consider how it will be divided. Oftentimes, a buyout is completed in the overall divorce settlement and can take the form of directly paying the full amount of the spouse’s equity or handing over marital financial assets such as retirement and investment accounts equal to the value of the equity. If, however, a full upfront buyout either isn’t financially viable or simply isn’t preferred, there is an option for a gradual buyout where the equity can be paid back through monthly payments.
When one party keeps the marital home, it’s important to keep in mind the effect this can have on the children. It may be beneficial for the children’s sense of stability to keep the home, but this can also cause the children to feel estranged from the parent that does not keep the marital home. Since the children will already be familiar with the marital home, they can easily form the perception that this is their “real” home and that the other parent is simply a person and location that they periodically visit.
A New Home
Separated living conditions after a buyout will come with the financial burden of supporting two separate households, usually without any added income. This problem is also often exacerbated by court-ordered payments such as child support and alimony which can leave the debtor in a difficult situation, especially in relation to finding a home of their own. If a parent is having difficulty affording a mortgage due to financial stressors, it can be beneficial to look into government-backed loan programs through the Federal Housing Administration, also known as FHA loans.
Solutions such as FHA loans can allow for leniencies like having your closing costs rolled into the life of the loan rather than paying them upfront, as well as a lower required down payment and credit score. Once a home is picked out, both parents should agree to meet up and discuss budgeting for the new two-household dynamic. In order to raise your children the best that you both can, there should be absolute transparency, especially in financial decisions.
With a separate home, it’s necessary to keep in mind that the children should feel at home just as much as you feel at home. One of the biggest stresses that children face in regard to divorce is the threat to their life’s stability and security. Before applying for any loans or signing any papers, it is important that the children who will be spending time in this new house feel involved in the home-buying decision in a way appropriate to their age. It’s best to approach the children with this question once you have narrowed down possible homes that you like, so as not to add too much responsibility and stress for them. Allowing the children to give sincere input on where they will be living will help them feel more empowered, which is crucial during a fragile time such as this.