As a mother and grandmother, I’d like to thank Rep. Jim Neely, R-Cameron, for standing up for Missouri’s children by sponsoring the shared parenting bill, and now that the state legislature has backed his proposal, it’s time for Gov. Nixon to follow suit.
I feel so strongly about this legislation, HB 1550, because I’ve felt the pain Missouri’s broken family court system inflicts on families. Children are hurting. Parents are hurting. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents – everyone’s hurting. This unfortunate reality occurs because our courts continue rubber stamping the outdated primary residential custody parenting model after divorce or separation, despite an overwhelming amount of research showing children need and want equal access to both parents.
Thankfully, the Missouri Legislature passed legislation that aligns with research and stands to turn families’ pain into joy – the bill arrived on Gov. Nixon’s desk on Wednesday, May 25. The bill, which unanimously passed the Missouri Senate and then passed the House 154-2, encourages our state’s courts to award shared parenting – a flexible arrangement where children spend as close to equal time as possible with each parent – when both parents are fit and there has been no domestic violence.
By passing this legislation, Missouri will join a national trend. While shared parenting is still unusual post-divorce – according to the U.S. Census Bureau, it occurs less than 20 percent of the time when parents live separately – Missouri joins nearly 20 states across the nation that have considered bills supporting shared parenting within the past year. At least two states have turned the proposals into law in recent months and several states have been supportive of shared parenting for years.
This national movement toward parental equality is rooted in research. As just one recent example, the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health published a 150,000-person study last year that concluded shared parenting after divorce or separation is in the best interest of children. In addition, federal statistics consistently show the devastating impact of single parenting. For example, children raised by single parents are significantly more at risk of dropping out of school, landing in prison, developing mental disorders and committing suicide when compared to children raised by both parents.
Not only does Missouri’s bill align with what data tells us is best for kids, it also aims to make child custody cases much less adversarial. When the conversation begins, rather than ends, with shared parenting, the conflict and never-ending legal costs that often follow, drop. What’s more instead of one parent “winning” and another parent “losing,” the entire family can heal with shared parenting in place.
Shared parenting is a common sense solution that addresses the concerns of all involved, from judges to parents.
To be clear, the proposal does not infringe on judicial discretion. Judges would still have just as much of a right to act when parents are unfit as they always have — the best interest of the child continues to be the top priority. Rather, the proposal simply seeks to make shared parenting the starting point of the judicial process, rather than an afterthought, as it is now.
That said, in the overwhelming majority of cases where a child has two equally loving and fit parents, this legislation encourages the court to provide that child as much time as possible with both mom and dad so that they can benefit from all that each parent has to offer.
What’s particularly troubling about the current winner-takes-all family court tradition is that the practice routinely forces one of two wonderful parents, typically the father, into the loser position — a role that more resembles a visitor than a parent. In day-to-day life, this means a perfectly fit and willing parent goes from actively involved in his or her child’s life to spending time with a child just every other weekend and maybe once during the week. It’s heartbreaking.
Shared parenting is the solution for 21st century families. At a time when modern parents, regardless of gender, want to be as actively involved in their children’s lives as ever while also balancing professional ambitions and responsibilities, shared parenting allows both to be successful contributors at work and at home.
The absence of shared parenting in our family courts is an issue that impacts millions of families across our nation every day, but unfortunately it’s a challenge commonly overlooked until it hits close to home. Every day, parents walk into family court as loving, very involved and dedicated parents and walk out relegated to visitor status in their children’s lives. That feeling of hopelessness is deep and frightening, and this reality was apparent during recent hearings on the legislation.
Thank you, Rep. Neely and the overwhelming majority of state lawmakers, for reacting to these pleas for change. The family court status quo must stop. Our children deserve better, and with Gov. Nixon’s signature on HB 1550, we can start to give our children what they deserve.
Linda Reutzel is a Missouri mother, grandmother and member of National Parents Organization.