“George Howard Buell, an inmate wrongfully imprisoned at Stateville Correctional Center for third-degree sexual assault and aggravated battery, won’t shut the hell up about being innocent.“Buell, 46, an Elmhurst, IL electrician, was convicted of raping and burglarizing his elderly neighbor in 1994, despite the fact that he was at work when the crime occurred. He was mistakenly sentenced to a prison term of 20 years to life. Since then, his imprisonment has been a source of nonstop bellyaching.”
The theme of the 2005 Onion satirical piece “Wrongly Imprisoned Man Won’t Shut Up About It” is that George Howard Buell, an innocent man serving 20 years to life in prison, won’t shut up and quit complaining about his situation. The piece is funny but also sad, and it’s always reminded me of the reaction so many divorced dads get when they complain about the way they were treated in family court. Perhaps one day we’ll see an Onion piece that reads something like this:
“George Johnson, a loving father of three who was permanently separated from the children he loves because of false charges of domestic violence, just won’t shut up about it. Johnson, who was very involved in his children’s lives until his wife decided she wanted a divorce and booted him out of his house on a restraining order, bellyaches nonstop over the fact that he cannot see his children.”
Perhaps someday. The Onion piece is below.
Wrongly Imprisoned Man Won’t Shut Up About It
The Onion
August 31, 2005 | Issue 41•35
JOLIET, IL–George Howard Buell, an inmate wrongfully imprisoned at Stateville Correctional Center for third-degree sexual assault and aggravated battery, won’t shut the hell up about being innocent.
Buell, 46, an Elmhurst, IL electrician, was convicted of raping and burglarizing his elderly neighbor in 1994, despite the fact that he was at work when the crime occurred. He was mistakenly sentenced to a prison term of 20 years to life. Since then, his imprisonment has been a source of nonstop bellyaching.
“I’m completely innocent of the charges brought against me,” Buell said in yet another long-winded jailhouse statement last week. “I am a victim of inept police work, conflict-of-interest issues among the prosecution, and a lackadaisical defense. Anyone with even a peripheral familiarity with my case could see the inconsistencies. It’s a complete miscarriage of justice.”
Buell’s insufferable tirades have taken the form of numerous appeals to state and federal courts, unsuccessful attempts to launch public petitions, and e-publishing a 400,000-word autobiography titled Won’t Someone Please Hear My Anguished Plea?
“Okay, I get it–he’s innocent already,” said Eric Holsapple, Buell’s court-appointed attorney. “Like I don’t know that. I only toiled for, like, forever years making a case out of it. Every time I talk to him, I have to brace myself–okay, here comes the sob story, again.”
After spending four years trying to capture the media’s attention with the story of his innocence, the wrongfully imprisoned inmate began pestering the courts in 2001 for additional DNA testing or a declaration of a mistrial.
“I will take a lie-detector test. I will do anything. I don’t belong in prison,” the incessant motormouth said. “The security tape in the garage where I work shows me pulling into the lot at the time the crime took place. It wasn’t admitted as evidence. That fact alone should be grounds for a mistrial.”
Buell’s cellmate, Bob Hannan, has heard the “in jail for a crime I didn’t commit” song and dance “about a million times.” Said Hannan: “The parking lot surveillance videotape, the horrible injustice. I’ve heard it all. A lot. I didn’t like the way they handled my case either. But you don’t hear me yammering about it all the time. It’s called moving on.”
Read the full article here.