Category: NPO in the media

Millions of children are raised in the United States in single parent sole-custody living arrangements. A tweak to family law that would open the door to more shared parenting arrangements would significantly improve outcomes in American schools and quality of life in society generally, according to an advocacy group active in the policy area.

Ned Holstein is the founder and chair of the board of the National Parents Organization, a group that is pushing state lawmakers and the courts to consider the benefits of promoting shared parenting between estranged biological parents. Holstein, who spoke with InsideSources by telephone, previously was appointed by the Governor Deval Patrick to serve on a family law working group in Massachusetts. 

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Currently, many family courtrooms remain on autopilot, where they continue the cookie cutter order of sole custody to the mother and every other weekend with the dad. In most cases, the goal should not be to determine which parent is the “better” parent. Rather, it should be how to enable these children to keep substantial relationships with both parents.

There is hope. More than 20 states have considered shared parenting legislation in recent years, according to the Wall Street Journal. What’s more, shared parenting is the norm in many areas outside the United States, including Sweden. Plus, research throughout the globe presented at this spring’s International Conference on Shared Parenting was overwhelmingly supportive of the two-parent model.

It’s time for parents to start thinking about what’s in the best interest of their children. It’s time for our family courts to change the norm. It’s time for Michigan’s House and Senate to pass this bill, and time Gov. Rick Snyder signs it. Sole custody of children should be the last resort, not the standard.

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Michigan legislators are working on a solution for our state’s children. Before the state legislature paused for summer break, the House of Representatives’ Judiciary Committee passed HB 4691, which is sponsored by Rep. Jim Runestad. The bill places Michigan in line to follow in the footsteps of states including Kentucky and Missouri, which have recently passed laws supportive of shared parenting – a flexible arrangement where children spend as close to equal time with each parent as possible after divorce or separation.

This legislation is aimed at changing the current winner-take-all landscape that forces a terrific parent, usually the father, almost completely out of the picture and into a role that more resembles a visitor.

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As a mother and grandmother, I’ve witnessed first-hand the struggles wonderful fathers face while fighting for time with their children in the Michigan family court system. The cards are stacked against them.

Time and time again, fathers lose custody battles because the status quo in the courts say one parent, most times the mother, is better for the children. Why is losing one parent even a consideration? When children have two fit, willing, and able parents, why not keep both? Just because the parents separate, why are the children forced to lose one of them? It’s 2017, not 1917 — gender roles are a thing of the past. If mothers want to be the primary breadwinners, they can be. If fathers want to be stay-at-home dads — more power to them.

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When we make separated parenting a winner-takes-all process, it’s no wonder so many good people go through tough divorces.

Common sense tells us that when parents separate it is best to keep both parents fully involved in the children’s lives. And there is now a wealth of social science strongly supporting that conclusion.

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Ten-year-old Ava and 10-year-old Suzie live a few miles apart. Both their sets of parents are unfortunately divorcing. Ava will likely have difficulties, but adjust pretty well while staying connected to her mom and dad. Suzie, however, will probably watch her parents fight terribly as they spend more on legal bills than necessary. Eventually, one of Suzie’s parents, most likely her dad, will basically be removed from her life.

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Common sense tells us that when parents separate it’s best to keep both parents fully involved in the children’s lives. And there is now a wealth of social science strongly supporting that conclusion. For example, Dr. Linda Nielsen, a leading expert on parenting after divorce, reported, based on analysis of over 40 peer-reviewed studies, that “Recent research does not support the idea that conflict — including high legal conflict — should rule out joint physical custody as the arrangement that best serves children’s interests.” In other words, even if the parents don’t both agree to shared parenting, it’s still generally best for children.

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Meanwhile, several family law experts believed that #Shared Parentingcould stop and help prevent the tragic consequences of parental alienation. National Parents Organization founder Dr. Ned Holsteinexplained that the concept promotes spending equal time and loving care (among the parents and the children) so, it would be hard to turn a child against any parent.

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Ten-year-old Ava and ten-year-old Suzie live a few miles apart. Both their sets of parents are unfortunately divorcing. Ava will likely have difficulties but adjust pretty well while staying connected to her mom and dad. Suzie, however, will probably watch her parents fight terribly as they spend more on legal bills than necessary. Eventually, one of Suzie’s parents, most likely her dad, will basically be removed from her life.

What will cause the huge difference in the girls’ lives?

Each girl loves both her parents –and all the parents are good caregivers. The difference is caused, believe it or not, by the few miles between them. Ava lives in Kentucky where divorcing children get to see both parents equally. Suzie lives in Ohio where the law forces parents to fight tooth and nail to “win” custody of her if they are to continue in their full parenting role.

Kentucky’s law for divorcing families has a presumption that both parents have equal decision making (“joint custody”) and parenting time. This arrangement is true shared parenting. Decades of scientific research show this is usually the best arrangement for children in separating families. Kentucky’s law excludes parents who are likely to abuse or neglect a child, of course. But for the vast majority of families, both parents — and even more importantly, the children – can be assured of a full continuing parent/child relationship.

However, Ohio’s law is based on choosing a primary custodian. In other words, one of Suzie’s parents stays a real parent. The other one is pushed to the edges of her life and only gets to see her during “visitation.” Suzie wants to stay close to both of her quality parents but the state of Ohio makes this difficult unless the parents both agree to it from the outset. Ohio then tells the parents to put on their boxing gloves and fight with everything they have. It’s no wonder so many good people go through tough divorces.

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The simple solution is children need both their mothers and fathers. A loving father who wants to be present in his child’s life should be allowed to do so regardless of the relationship with the mother. Unless one parent is proven unfit or guilty of abuse or violence, children deserve to retain both of their parents equally.

Currently, many family courtrooms remain on autopilot, where they continue the cookie cutter order of sole custody to the mother and every other weekend with the dad. In most cases, the goal should not be to determine which parent is the “better” parent. Rather, it should be how to enable these children to keep substantial relationships with both parents.

There is hope. More than 20 states have considered shared parenting legislation in recent years, according to the Wall Street Journal. What’s more, shared parenting is the norm in many areas outside the United States, including Sweden. Plus, research throughout the globe presented at this spring’s International Conference on Shared Parenting was overwhelmingly supportive of the two-parent model.

It’s time for parents to start thinking about what’s in the best interest of their children. It’s time for our family courts to change the norm. It’s time for Michigan’s House and Senate to pass this bill, and time Gov. Rick Snyder signs it. Sole custody of children should be the last resort, not the standard.

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