Category: Blog

An Ode to My Daughter on Her 10th Birthday
By Glenn Sacks
World Net Daily (6/14/08)

Los Angeles, CA–“A man never knows what love is until he has a daughter.”

My neighbor Julio, who had two sons and then a daughter, told me this once as his little girl climbed into his arms.

I can understand. Ten years ago my daughter was born, the best Father’s Day present a man could ever have.

Strangely, she didn’t cry when she was born. They put her in an incubator and she could barely open her eyes under those bright lights. I looked down at her and told her, “I’m your daddy and I love you.” She looked up, confused and a little scared, but didn’t cry.

My wife describes this scene differently. She says my daughter took one look at me and thought, “Sucker! All I have to do is smile at this big, dumb guy and he’ll give me whatever I want.” Probably true.

Since that day I’ve had an opportunity most men don’t get – to be the primary caregiver for my child right from the beginning.

I didn’t want the job at first, but my wife wanted very badly to go back to work. We didn’t want to put our baby in day care, so she convinced me to try it. I resisted – it somehow didn’t feel as if I was doing anything, or at least not any work that I could quantify.

I called several baby care centers about their services. I didn’t want their services. I wanted to take the cost of baby care and add it to what I earned working part-time in the evenings so that in my mind I would be earning an acceptable “salary.” I was 34 at the time, and I look back in awe at my own stupidity.

Those times with my daughter – until she was 3 and went to preschool – were the greatest of my life. Of all the good things that one gets in life and never appreciates or rushes by, this one I was smart enough to stop and savor.

A decade later, this little girl couldn’t be more wonderful. She’s smart, inquisitive, loving, caring and affectionate. Most of all, she’s happy – when she’s bouncing around I sometimes tell her, “You’ve got your happy batteries on today.” She brightens up wherever she goes.

As a parent, have you had the following experience? The other day we were riding our bikes together and stopped at a pretty, grassy place surrounded by trees. Watching her I was overcome with my love for her, as I often am.

I called her over and tried to explain how special times like these are for me, how lucky we are to have each other and to have had these 10 years together. She hugs me and says, “I love you,” but there’s a part of me that wishes that for five minutes I could be talking to the adult version of my daughter. The 40-year-old mother who could for that moment understand how I felt as a parent, instead of how my daughter feels as a child.

My wife kids me that I want my girl to be little forever, and she’s not completely wrong. But I do want to see her grow up, in part because I want to see what she accomplishes in her life. I tell her that she’ll live in three centuries – the 20th, the 21st and the 22nd – and that she can do great things.

But while I’m happy to see her grow, it saddens me to see this special, unique era in our lives slip away. I wish I could somehow save and store the present and take it out once in a while. To preserve this special moment in time when my daughter is – happily, proudly and completely – daddy’s little girl.

This column first appeared in World Net Daily (6/14/08).

Glenn Sacks” columns on men’s and fathers’ issues appear regularly in U.S. newspapers. www.GlennSacks.com

Seattle, WA–In my recent co-authored column Protect Fathers’ Loving Bonds with Their Children (South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 6/13/08), I discussed the heroism of fathers Joseph Richardson and Albert Collins, both of whom gave their lives to save their daughters. Along these lines, several readers recently sent me the touching story of Eduard Burceag (pictured), who gave his life to save his wife and his friend. According to the Associated Press:

A hiker who lost his life on Mount Rainier lay down in the snow and used his body’s warmth to
protect his wife and a friend from the 70-mph winds of a freak June blizzard, national park officials said. When it became obvious the trio could not find their way back to base camp in whiteout conditions, they dug a snow trench with their hands. Eduard Burceag, 31, lay down in the snow while his wife and friend lay on top of him. Later, when they begged him to switch places, Burceag refused, saying he was OK. “In doing so, he probably saved their lives,” park spokesman Kevin Bacher said Thursday. Mariana Burceag, also 31, survived the storm, as did the couple’s friend, Daniel Vlad, 34… Reached by telephone in Romania, Eduard Burceag’s brother, Cristian, told The Seattle Times his older brother moved to the United States eight years ago and fell in love with Seattle, its mountains, its opportunities. Cristian Burceag said his mother was visiting his brother and was watching their two young sons while Eduard and Mariana hiked to Camp Muir. He said he was not surprised his brother died shielding his wife from the blizzard. “He was a hero for us,” the younger Burceag said. “I’m sure he would do that. He knew very well that his children needed a lot of their mother and that was the main thing in his life.”

Read the full story here.

Los Angeles, CA–Sadly, Tim Russert died of a heart attack today at age 58. Many are rightly honoring Russert for his role in American politics and media, but fathers have a different reason to honor Russert–the respect he paid us in his books.

In 2004, Russert published Big Russ and Me about his father, and says he received an “avalanche” of letters from men and women who wanted to tell him about their own dads. His 2006 book Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons is largely a sampling of those 60,000 letters, and the book was a surprise runaway hit.

When Wisdom came out in 2006, we co-authored a column about it–America’s Father Hunger (World Net Daily, 10/13/06). It is reprinted below.

America’s Father Hunger
By Mike McCormick and Glenn Sacks
(World Net Daily, 10/13/06).
 
Are fathers irrelevant? Are they really the useless buffoons we see on TV? The irresponsible deadbeats the local DA says they are? The controlling abusers we see in domestic violence PSAs?

That’s not the way Tim Russert’s readers see them.

Russert”s new book Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons is a surprise runaway hit, reaching #1 on both the New York Times bestseller list and on Book Standard”s Overall Bestsellers Chart. In 2004, Russert published Big Russ and Me about his father, and says he received an “avalanche’ of letters from men and women who wanted to tell him about their own dads. Wisdom is largely a sampling of those 60,000 letters.

In heartwarming and heart-wrenching stories, Russert”s readers remember their fathers as strong, devoted and honorable. In the chapter “Daddy”s Girl,’ one woman tells Russert that she was her “father”s princess,’ and explains “growing up in a rural area of the Deep South could have been a harsh experience for a little black girl, but I was insulated by his love and tenderness.’

Another “Daddy”s Girl’ writes:

“When I was a little girl and my father put me to bed…I had a litany of things I went through every night. ‘Can I call you if I need anything?…Can I call you if I get scared?’…He would listen and say yes after each one, and I would fall asleep, secure that I was completely loved and cared for.”

Another remembers:

“When I was four, my father took me on my first official date…I got all dressed up in my prettiest pink dress and shiny black-leather shoes…I was so excited and proud to be his date, and he made me feel so special to be ‘his little girl.” To this day I am still proud to be his little girl, even if I’m not so little anymore. My dad was the strongest and handsomest man I have ever known, and he will have that title in my heart forever.’

Another remembers:

“I was an only child. Mom said I was plenty; Dad said I was perfect. He worked hard to support us: twelve-hour shifts with thirteen days on and only one day off, because overtime paid the bills. He left early in the morning, long before Mom and I were awake; He came home exhausted and slept until it was time to do it all over again. It was hard on him because he had so little time with us. It was hard on us too.

‘We all found little ways to compensate…I would put my favorite toy in his lunchbox so he would have something to play with at work.

“Dad”s special time for me was morning coffee. He would get up at 4 A.M., start the coffee brewing, and get ready for work. When the pot was ready, he would come into my room and wake me up. I would sit at the kitchen table as he poured two cups of coffee. His was always black. Mine was barely brown, full of milk and sugar, sweet to the taste. Dad would tell me about his day and ask about mine. When the cups were empty, he would tuck me back into bed and kiss me good night before heading out to work. It was our special time together, and we never missed.’

Perhaps the book”s most striking feature is the overwhelming outpouring of love from women towards their fathers.

The Russert dads also knew when to take a stand. One letter writer remembers:

“By 1963, white flight was beginning to transform our neighborhood, and before long the first African American child took a seat in my Catholic school classroom. Birthday parties were about the biggest social events a third-grader had to look forward to, and I was delighted to receive an invitation to her party. Then I learned that none of my friends were going. I remember being confused by that, because we all went to one another”s parties. But if my friends weren”t going to this one, I wasn”t going to go either, especially when they seemed convinced that there was something wrong with the very idea.  

“…Dad put his foot down and told me that, like it or not, I was going to that party. He took me to the five-and-dime and we bought a card and a gift. The day of the party, he took me by the hand and we walked the three or four blocks to the girl”s apartment. My whining and complaining were useless, and it wasn”t until many years later that I understood why he made me go. He knew why none of my friends was there, and he wanted no part of it. No child of his was going to contribute to the hurt that would surely be felt by a little girl sitting at an empty birthday table.’

Another says:

Cincinnati, OH–A couple days ago I complained about the United Coalition for Animals’ recent anti-father “Deadbeat Dads” Spay/Neuter campaign (see flyer below), and I suggested that readers contact the clinic to complain. UCAN is a low cost spay/neuter clinic in downtown Cincinnati. 

Kevin, a reader who called the clinic, reports that they have now dropped the offensive campaign.

Kevin also noted “[A clinic representative] apologized if anyone was offended and said that the campaign is now called ‘Neuter Booster’…Most people are not evil; they just don”t know that something hurts until you tell them.”

I commend UCAN for understanding our concerns. Thanks to all who called the clinic to complain or otherwise participated.

Kansas City, KA–“Buying into corporate America”s depiction of men, and dads in particular, one would be pretty sure they”re mostly lazy, dense dimwits with whom only Homer Simpson could bond.

“Clearly, at least as portrayed in many TV ads, most dads wouldn”t be loved, or even liked, by their wives or kids –– except when they want a withdrawal from his wallet.

“But some marketers are starting to see the light. Take Kansas City-based Hallmark Cards Inc., which after talking to real people has expanded its selection of Father”s Day cards depicting dads in more loving and appreciated ways.

“One new card shows a dad bending over, tying his son”s shoe while he leans on dad for support. ‘A man is loved not for how tall he stands, but for how often he bends to help, comfort, and teach’…

“‘In the past, Father”s Day was sort of ‘they play golf and take out the trash” — this is just an attempt really to recognize what they do and being affectionate without making fun of them,’ said Hallmark spokeswoman Deidre Parkes.

“Glenn Sacks, a sometimes controversial commentator focused on men”s issues, applauds Hallmark for its efforts, and says others, including AT&T, Pampers and Cheerios, have also made strides in their depiction of men.

“Sacks has mounted a number of crusades, including one against a Verizon commercial in which a wife berates her husband to quit bothering their daughter, who”s doing homework, telling him to ‘go wash the dog.’

“Sacks said he thinks men have become the butt of marketing jokes because it”s a cheap, easy way out for companies and their ad agencies.

“‘Marketers have found it”s a lot easier to portray men as foolish,’ Sacks said.

“If marketers depicted women as brainless bimbos, he said, there would be hell to pay.”

Business reporter Jennifer Mann did a nice piece today on the way men are depicted in advertising–No more bumbling Homer: Marketers are reframing dad ads (Kansas City Star, 6/13/08). She reports on an interesting new study which supports what we’ve been saying all along–men and fathers do care how they’re portrayed on TV. Mann writes:

Ad agency Sullivan Higdon & Sink this week released the results of a survey asking more than 300 fathers how they”re depicted in the media.

Titled, “Note to marketers: Dad is disappointed in you,’ 75 percent of men couldn”t think of even one commercial that spoke to them with any relevance. Also, more than half said the way dads are portrayed in media and pop culture is out of touch with reality.

John January, Sullivan”s director of brand voice and the father of three young children, said he personally finds media depictions of men “beyond frustrating.’

He sorts the offensive ads into several categories: ones that depict men as oversexed morons with more money than brains; ones where nobody cares about dad until he shows up with something they want; and ones in which men are so utterly inept, they can”t even go out and buy cat food.

“Men are telling us that being a good dad is important to them, and this notion of a detached guy separate from the family and who is either ignored or reviled, that”s not a message that”s going to resonate with the dads we talked to,’ January said.

According to the survey, 63 percent spend more time with their kids than their fathers did, but they also feel pressure from a financial and work perspective.

“Their own dads weren”t expected to go to every soccer game, every recital, but these guys are expected to, and they expect it of themselves,’ January said. “These guys aren”t saps — they want to see their real lives reflected by (advertisers).’

One of the points I made to Mann is that commercials which portray fathers being humiliated in front of their children are the ones which really anger men. That was the point of our Campaign Against Anti-Father Verizon Commercial, and I was actually surprised at the fury we set off with that campaign. Mann wrote:

“In the [recent home improvement retailer] ad, the couple complete a home improvement project, and the husband is relieved it”s over — until the wife, arms crossed and eyes rolling, tells him to think again. By the end of the TV spot, the couple”s young daughter is mimicking mom.

“Those are the ones that really get people worked up,’ Sacks said.

But Sacks said he thinks that as a society, we”ve reached the tipping point.

In recent months, he said, he and others involved in organizations such as www.fathersandhusbands.org, which says it promotes positive images of men in the media, have made progress with some large advertising agencies that he declined to name.

“I”ve been a little surprised at the candor in some of these meetings. One said they do these things because they tend to work,’ Sacks said.

“So what”s the solution? They were a little less forthcoming about the solution.

“If you look at some of the ads from the golden age of advertising, the ads are more thoughtful, creative and intelligent. But it takes time and talent to develop those.’

The organization www.fathersandhusbands.org is run by Richard Smaglick, who does excellent work on the problems with men in advertising. In April, he and I co-authored a column on the subject for Advertising Age–see Attention Ad Execs: Media Criticism of Anti-Male Ads Is Mounting (4/14/08).

To write a Letter to the Editor about anti-male advertising and Mann’s piece No more bumbling Homer: Marketers are reframing dad ads (Kansas City Star, 6/13/08), write to letters@kcstar.com.

To comment directly on the piece, click here.

To send Jennifer Mann a thank you note, click on jmann@kcstar.com.

Sydney, Australia–Several of my Australian readers have sent me this recent story about Australian female parliamentarian Belinda Neal’s violence. Neal (pictured) has now been ordered to attend anger management counseling.

Perhaps a male politician in the same situation would receive the same mild treatment, but I can’t help but feel that perhaps the double-standard of “men’s violence is a serious issue, women’s is no big deal” is at work. According to the Sydney Morning Herald:

WHEN Kevin Rudd ordered the federal MP Belinda Neal to attend anger management counseling yesterday, he lifted the lid on one of the worst-kept secrets of the NSW Labor Party – that Ms Neal can frequently be abusive and even violent.

Ms Neal is a woman who, senior Labor sources say, keeps photographs and written names of her political enemies in her freezer. And neighbors told the Herald yesterday of police visits to Ms Neal’s home at Woy Woy Bay, where she lives with her husband, the NSW Education Minister, John Della Bosca. They had often heard her swearing and screaming coming from the house.

Yesterday, the Prime Minister was forced to interrupt his tour of Japan – one of the most important international visits of his political career – to telephone Ms Neal. He ordered her to undergo anger management, and threatened to dump her from the Labor Party if she transgressed again.

Mr Rudd had reached his limit. In the past week, Ms Neal has been accused of swearing and abusing staff at Gosford’s Iguanas Waterfront, and threatening she would have the club’s “f—ing licence”; and yesterday it emerged that she had been suspended for kicking a rival soccer player while she was on the ground.

Mr Rudd put every Labor MP on notice, saying they were expected to uphold decent standards of behaviour.

“No one, I repeat no one, is guaranteed a future in politics and that goes for all our members of Parliament,” he said in Tokyo.

After meeting the Japanese Emperor Akihito, Mr Rudd said: “I spoke to Belinda Neal today and said to her that there appears to be a pattern of unacceptable behaviour. She’s indicated that as a result of our conversation that she’ll actually be seeking counselling to assist in her own management of her relationships with other people.”

A somewhat contrite Ms Neal confirmed this yesterday, admitting that her argument with Iguanas staff “did continue too long”. But she continued to insist she had received bad service, and she denied kicking the soccer player when she was down.

But the Iguanas affair appears set now to be investigated by police. The Opposition Leader, Barry O’Farrell, wrote to the Police Commissioner, Andrew Scipione, and asked him to investigate contradictory statutory declarations of the events written by the venue’s staff and Ms Neal’s and Mr Della Bosca’s dining companions. 

It will not be the first time the police have been involved with the couple, say neighbours who spoke to the Herald yesterday. They confirmed that police had been called to the couple’s home two or three times in the past decade, and it was “not uncommon” to hear Ms Neal’s screams coming from the house.

“Swearing and things being thrown, I’ve heard it,” one male neighbour said. “I’ve heard them arguing, fighting and throwing things. She’s a mouth on her.”

It has long been rumoured that Ms Neal has been abusive towards her husband. Mr Della Bosca and Ms Neal did not respond to written questions yesterday, but Mr Della Bosca’s spokesman said last night: “The minister does not want to respond to untrue and hurtful muckraking other than to say he loves his wife very much and has been married for 22 years.”

When Mr Della Bosca was asked by the Herald in a profile interview last August if Ms Neal had hit him on occasions, he said: “Not true”. Three other neighbours in their small dead-end street spoke of Ms Neal’s rages.

In the Central Coast seat of Robertson, the election night dampener in November was the lurking guilt that, in our desperation to get rid of John Howard, we had sent a time bomb to Canberra. Poor Kevin 07, we sagely said. As we raised our glasses to toast Rudd’s win, somebody added: “And Kevin, sorry about Belinda, mate.” 

“You can hear the language, you can hear the throwing,” another said. “She’s the one that does all the calling and the abusing.”

Ms Neal’s erratic behaviour is often viewed in Labor circles as the reason why her husband has not gone further in his career. As one senior Government source said: “The truth is we all know this [latest incident at Iguanas] is Belinda’s doing and Della’s judgment evaporates when Belinda is involved. It has been the way for 20 years.”

One of Ms Neal’s Labor colleagues said she publicly humiliated Mr Della Bosca at several country Labor conferences by shouting and abusing him.

Another Labor source said she was so vindictive that she boasted of putting enemies’ written names or their photos in her freeezer. This practice has been recorded as a modern adaptation of a hoodoo spell to shut up the named person, or freeze their words.

The full article can be seen here.

Los Angeles, CA–Recently Jennifer Butler Murray, actor Bill Murray’s wife, filed for divorce, accusing him of “drug abuse, sex addiction and physical violence towards her during their 11-year marriage.” I have no idea as to the veracity of these claims, but it certainly appears that Jennifer has some problems of her own. According to this recent New York Post story:

Jennifer Butler-Murray has gotten a reputation in her suburban Charleston, SC, neighborhood as an avid drinker who gets “physical” with her children and gets into bizarre police incidents. On March 17 of this year, Butler-Murray
allegedly got drunk and two of her kids ran over to a neighbor’s house for help, according to a report filed with the Sullivan’s Island Police Department. The trouble started after a witness saw her shouting loudly at one of her kids, the report said. Cops went to her home to investigate. “I spoke with [her] and advised her of the complaint,” the responding officer wrote. “The w/f [white female] seemed to be very impaired and didn’t want me on her property anymore, she slammed the door and I left the residence.” Later, a neighbor called cops saying Butler-Murray’s kids had come to his home seeking help. “I then had the complainant meet me at the police station to talk with the juveniles . . . They informed me that their mother had been drinking heavily and had [become] physical with them,” the report said.

It’s certainly not uncommon for a vindictive wife to publicly vilify her soon-to-be-ex-husband, only for it to turn out that she’s the one with the problems, not him. We’ll see. Also, note the double standard in treatment by the police. She’s drunk and abusive and slams the door in the cop’s face, and the cop says he left because–get this–she “didn’t want me on her property anymore.” No kidding. One thing’s for sure–men who are reading this, don’t try that stunt on a cop yourselves. Thanks to Wayne Swanson, a reader, for the story.