NPO Blog Archive

This Subway ad repeats the common television theme of dad as child. When husband and wife have two children, it’s often portrayed as if the mom is the only adult and she has three children. Sometimes dad will be as childish as his children. Other times, particularly if the child is a girl, the dad will be more childish than his children, and his children will lecture him or correct his behavior.

In the picture here you see mom in the standard modern TV “my husband is such an idiot” grimace.

To watch the commercial, click here or see below.

Thanks to Christian, a reader, for sending it to me.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa1tBoSWXoI]

Given the gruesome description of normal family life in this new Onion piece, I wonder if this reporter has been talking to my son. Or me when I was 15.

What I never realized then is just how lucky I was to be “trapped” in a “boring” stable, two-parent family.

Local Boy Trapped In Family
The Onion
November 9, 2007

HARRISONBURG, VA–Rescue workers and concerned neighbors gathered Saturday outside the Conklin residence on Waterson Avenue where authorities say local child David Conklin remains trapped in a dangerously lame family, a harrowing ordeal now entering its 13th tense year.

When police arrived on the scene Saturday morning, David–who recently entered junior high and is clearly not a baby anymore–was found pinned under two inflexible parents who rendered him completely immobile. Officers are working around the clock to free the boy and give him a second chance at a social life.

“At this time we’re doing everything we can to make [David] as comfortable as possible,” said Lt. William Barnes of the Harrisonburg Fire Department, who coordinated efforts to provide the 12-year-old with a warm North Face jacket to replace the retarded hand- me-down parka that once belonged to his older brother, Stephen. “But realistically, this situation could go on for at least another six years. That is, God forbid, if he doesn’t die of boredom first.”

Authorities are still unsure how the seventh grader became trapped in such a boring family, though David’s 15-year-old sister, Laura, put forth several theories, including speculation that David was an accident or, alternatively, was adopted from gypsies.

With rescue efforts continuing throughout the afternoon, early hopes that David would escape through a small hole of free time between dinner and lights-out were quickly dashed when he became entangled in a family game night and was nearly crushed by the tedium of playing hand after tortuous hand of UNO.

“We’re trying to get a Nintendo Wii in there to relieve some of the pressure,” Barnes said. “David is in a very tight spot. Even if we get him the game console, the restrictions he’s currently under may prevent him from using it.”

“Our biggest fear right now is the possibility that David is being smothered,” Barnes continued.

A second chance for relief came at 8:35 p.m., when David’s dogged efforts to free himself forced his parents to budge slightly and consider allowing their son to watch television at friend Philip Kirchart’s house. However, David’s potential escape route was almost instantly blocked by a massive pile of homework.

“This is a huge setback in freeing David,” said Barnes, who expressed frustration with the deteriorating situation. “If he doesn’t get that diorama for Mrs. Engles’ class off his back before nightfall, I’m afraid we’ll just have to wait until morning.”

Despite all attempts by his rescuers, David’s situation has grown increasingly grim. At 4:16 p.m., the boy nearly died of embarrassment after his mother asked him if there were any cute girls in his class, and again less than two hours later at dinner, when she openly discussed his need for new underwear.

Additionally, medical experts said that David’s preexisting condition, known as smartmouth, could be severely exacerbated by the dumb, unfair family environment he has been subjected to.

“This becomes an even more serious situation for someone like David,” said Louis Vianna, a paramedic on the scene. “A diagnosed wiseacre in a stifling environment like that could suffer a full-scale grounding at any moment, which would cut David off from vital weekend plans.”

Read the rest of the article here.

I recently partnered with Dr. Ned Holstein, president of Fathers and Families, in a campaign designed to draw attention to a serious problem in our child welfare system. When a father’s former wife or partner has been found to have abused her children and has had them taken by child protective services, decent, loving fathers are often denied custody of their own children. Incredibly, children are often put into foster care rather than being returned to their fathers, even though there has not been any finding that the fathers are unfit.

Our campaign called attention to the case of Rafael Izquierdo, a fit, loving father who is battling the Florida Department of Children & Families so he can raise his little daughter, most likely in Cuba. In this “Elian Gonzalez II” case, Izquierdo has been found by a Florida court to be a fit and committed father, but he is still being denied his parental rights.

One reason DCF has acted as it has is that Florida Governor Charlie Crist, like many Florida politicians, seeks the loyalty, votes, and campaign donations of the large, powerful Cuban-American community. Crist (correctly) sees defeating Izquierdo as a way to win Cuban-American votes. In Florida, sticking it to Cuba’s government is a crowd-pleaser, similar to the way politicians win popularity by beating up on “deadbeat dads.”

We asked Florida DCF to contact us and open a dialogue on how we can address this important issue.

Thousands of you have answered our call to action, and our campaign has been covered or cited in hundreds of newspapers, including by the Associated Press, syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker of the Washington Post Writers Group, Knight-Ridder/Tribune News Service, the Miami Herald, the Orlando Sentinel, and many others. DCF, to their credit, contacted us and met with Dr. Holstein in Miami recently.

Our sources indicate that DCF is under pressure from the Governor’s office to continue this case, despite a lack of enthusiasm from many in DCF itself. The case is currently on appeal, and may be held up for quite a while, which will delay the reunion of Izquierdo and his daughter. Fortunately, in the meantime, she spends five days per week with him. Moreover, we do believe we have begun a meaningful dialogue with DCF on the issue of fathers and the child welfare system.

We are not asking for more protest calls, letters and faxes at this time, but will instead pursue our dialogue with DCF. We will keep supporters posted as to events in the Izquierdo case and with DCF, and we may again call upon you to protest in the future. Thanks to all of you who supported our campaign.

To learn more about our campaign, click here.

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families’ latest News Digest.

Male domestic violence victims increase (East Anglian Daily Times, 11-6-07)

Mills is dumped by divorce lawyers (San Francisco Chronicle, 11-9-07)

Michael Jordan finally speaks about divorce (Chicago Sun-Times, 11-9-07)

Becker’s child custody triumph (The Sun, 11-9-07)

Osmond goodbye: family shares memories of father (Deseret Morning News, 11-10-07)

Ex-NBA player with at least 8 kids files for bankruptcy (Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 11-11-07)

Cate Edwards: on the Trail for Dad (Associated Press, 11-11-07)

Like father, like son for Broads (Times Online, 11-11-07)

Broward residents can now go online to file for divorce, small claims (South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 11-12-07)

Brooklyn woman stabs father of child to death (WNBC, 11-12-07)

Father finally figures into her life (Fay Observer, 11-12-07)

Background: I recently partnered with Dr. Ned Holstein and Fathers & Families in a campaign to protest Florida Department of Children & Families’ actions in the “Elian Gonzalez II” case in Miami. In that case, Rafael Izquierdo, a fit, loving father, has faced numerous obstacles to reunite with his 5-year-old daughter.

In our letters and faxes to Florida DCF, we asked that they contact Dr. Holstein and meet with him to discuss the issues put forward in our protest. In the photo, Dr. Holstein shakes hands with Gilda Ferradaz, head of DCF’s Miami division. Dr. Holstein met with Ferradaz, Mary Cagle, DCF’s Director of Child Welfare Legal Services, and other DCF officials last week. In addition, Dr. Holstein met with embattled Cuban father Rafael Izquierdo.

To learn more about our campaign, click here.

Dr. Holstein and I had urged DCF to examine the Urban Institute’s recent report What About the Dads? Child Welfare Agencies’ Efforts to Identify, Locate, and Involve Nonresident Fathers, which studied the foster care systems of four states. The report contains a shocking finding: when fathers inform child welfare officials that they would like their children to live with them, the agencies seek to place the children with their fathers in only 15% of cases.

In Ferradaz’s letter below, she says that DCF will “review in detail” the Urban Institute report. Changing a misguided bureacracy’s policies can be a Sisyphean effort, but, to be fair, DCF has in general responded to our campaign in a meaningful and intelligent manner.

Ferradaz wrote:

“Thank you for your correspondence to Florida Governor Charlie Crist and the leadership of the Department of Children and Families regarding a Miami child custody case.

“Your willingness to raise your voice shows your compassion for the well-being of children in our state. As requested in your correspondence, Department of Children and Families leadership contacted Dr. Ned Holstein, President of Fathers and Families, and met with him on October 24, 2007 to hear his concerns. Dr. Holstein shared with us the report prepared by the Urban Institute which you cite in your email and we will review it in detail. Please be assured that the best interest of the child is always the primary concern of this Department.

“We thank you for bringing your concerns to our attention.

“Gilda P. Ferradaz,
Circuit Administrator”

Background: Mary Winkler–who shot her husband in the back and then refused to aid him or call 911 as he slowly bled to death for 20 minutes–walked away a free woman last month after serving a farcically brief “sentence” for her crimes. She is currently in a custody battle with Matthew Winkler’s parents, who have been raising their three daughters for the last 18 months.

The Winklers seek to terminate Mary Winkler’s parental rights and adopt the girls. I support their position.

To learn more about this horrendous injustice, see my co-authored column No child custody for husband-killer Mary Winkler (World Net Daily, 9/14/07), or click here.

In the new article below, District Attorney Michael Dunavant asserts that Mary Winkler also intended to kill her three young children and herself. He says:

“I would suggest to you that the evidence was clear that not only did she make up her mind that she was going to kill him when she did, but she was going to end it for her children and herself, too.

“[When Winkler left the state after shooting her husband in the back in their bed, she had] less than $200 in cash, a pair of socks for her baby, a shotgun and a box of shells in a minivan. That”s it…She drove hundreds of miles to Jackson, Mississippi, spent one night, and then to Orange Beach, Alabama, and was in a hotel the next night. She was running out of money. How was she going to feed her children? How was she going to get back to Tennessee?

“You know what she was going to do. She was going to kill her children and herself, and she was just going to do it at the beach instead of in Selmer, Tennessee.”

The full article can be seen at DA says Winkler aimed to kill kids (Jackson Sun, 11/11/07). As critical as I am of Mary Winkler, I don’t find the DA’s assertion terribly convincing. If Winkler really wanted to kill her children and kill herself, she could have done it in the house after she killed her husband. It’s certainly possible that this is how things would have turned out in Alabama, but I hardly think we could be sure what she was going to do, as this DA implies.

This might be a good example to help explain one reason (of many) why men commit more murder-suicides than women do. While in Alabama, Winkler probably thought that even if she is caught, she still has a chance to bamboozle the legal system and get off, as in fact she was able to do.

By contrast, a man in her situation would know that he was doomed, that there was no chance for him to get off through the system, and would be more likely to end it all with a murder-suicide. This in no way excuses it for either gender, of course.

Background: In my co-authored column, From a Felony to a Phone Call: Texas Prop 13 Will Allow Innocent Men to Be Jailed Without Bail (Ft. Worth Star-Telegram, Austin-American Statesman, 10/22/07), Mike McCormick, Executive Director of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children, and I criticized a Texas Proposition which drew wide support from many state newspapers. Unfortunately, our column was the only published opposition I saw, against a slew of editorials and op-eds in favor. Reflecting again the weakness of our movement, Proposition 13 passed with Texas voters by a wide margin on Tuesday. Proposition 13 is a dangerous measure which will harm innocent men by greatly eroding the rights of those accused of domestic violence. The measure grants judges the ability to hold without bail those accused of nonviolent, trivial, or accidental violations of temporary restraining orders.
Under current Texas law, the only defendants ineligible for bail are those accused of capital crimes. In addition, judges are provided discretion to deny bail to those who have been both charged with a felony and convicted or indicted for a previous felony. To deny bail, there must be “evidence substantially showing the guilt of the accused.’ Prop 13 obliterates this, and opens the road for many innocent men to be held without bail. Like many states, Texas has adopted aggressive arrest procedures on domestic violence calls. The result has been that men are sometimes arrested for misdemeanor domestic violence based on thin evidence. After the arrest, Emergency Protective Orders are entered against the accused, typically barring him from going home or having any contact with his children. Fathers can violate the orders by innocent acts such as calling their own children, accidentally running into them and their mother in the mall, or going to their Little League games. Under Prop 13, judges will have the power to incarcerate without bail men who violate their EPOs. Moreover, the Proposition lowers the evidence standard from Substantial Showing to Preponderance of the Evidence, which can rapidly degenerate into a “he said/she said’ contest that men usually lose. Even worse, Prop 13 also encourages the legislature to pass a law which would allow fathers who violate temporary ex parte protective orders to be jailed without bail. Women can obtain these orders by claiming their male partners abused them, and the men are then booted out of their own homes without ever having a chance to defend themselves in court. To learn more about Proposition 13, click here.

Background: Conscientious Virginia judge James Michael Shull, who smoked out a woman who sought to extend a restraining order based on false charges of domestic violence, was just removed from the bench by this Virginia Supreme Court ruling. Not only was Shull railroaded, but he has been the target of widely-disseminated lazy, misleading reporting by the Associated Press, the New York Post, and others.

To learn more about the case, see my blog posts In Defense of Judge James Michael Shull (Part I), Part II, Part III, Part IV, and Part V, or read my co-authored newspaper column defending Shull here.

Several dozen legal and mental health professionals who worked with Judge Shull wrote to the Judicial Inquiry and Review Commission earlier this year testifying to Judge Shull’s good character and conduct as a judge. Below we quote from a few of them.

Lana R. Mullins, MSW, on Judge Shull:

“In regards to his professional behavior it has been my observations that he has researched and familiarized himself with the laws pertaining to the Juvenile Court and has worked very hard to properly administer foster care and child protective services cases. Judge Shull has demonstrated an understanding of the crisis-oriented response DSS must make in certain cases and haw made himself available for emergency hearings as needed. In my experience, Judge Shull has been fair in his decisions and above all has considered the overall safety of the children before his court.”

Read Ms. Mullins’ full letter here.

Attorney Daisy N. Compton on Judge Shull:

“Since Judge Shull was appointed to the bench about four years ago I have been before him on various cases in the Scott County J&DR District Court on at least a weekly basis…On a professional level I have the highest regard for Judge Shull who has proved to me to be a good judge who has made good decisions when faces with those most difficult of family situations that we are all familiar with in the J&DR courts.”

“As a matter of fact, my sister, who is employed by my office part-time as a legal secretary, and I, have often commented on his most courteous of manners and demeanor as a ‘perfect Southern gentleman,’ to all persons in public.”

Read Ms. Compton’s full letter here.

Lee County District Court Clerk Linda Gibson on Judge Shull:

“Judge Shull has been an excellent judge. He has always treated me and other Court personnel with kindness and respect. The attorneys that appear before him are treated with respect also. The litigants that appear before him are allowed to tell their side and leave the courtroom, whether they win their case or not, with the knowledge that they have been before a fair and decent judge.”

Read Ms. Gibson’s full letter here.

Retired Attorney Melanie L. Jorgensen on Judge Shull:

“I am a retired attorney in Jonesville, Lee County, Virginia and have practiced law in the state courts of Lee, Scott, and Wise Counties Virginia since 1983. I served as substitute judge for many years and was appointed to serve as a Juvenile & Domestic Relations Court Judge from 1998 to 1999.

“As such, I met and practiced with James Michael Shull for many years. I also practiced law before him when he began to serve as a Juvenile & Domestic Relations Judge. I limited my practice to the domestic relations area only, and I practiced before Judge Shull in Lee, Wise and Scott Counties weekly.

“Judge Shull has always maintained the highest standards of conduct and decorum in courtroom. My experience in family law practice has taught me that participants’ emotions can sometimes run high and reason is quickly lost. I have never witnessed any situation where he has exhibited improper behavior towards a witness. I have observed multiple incidents where he deftly and professionally defused potentially explosive confrontations of litigants.”

Read Ms. Jorgensen’s full letter here.