NPO Blog Archive

Uruma, Okinawa–I often receive letters from deployed military fathers (and sometimes mothers) in Iraq, Afghanistan or other parts of the world who have been cut off from their children by their exes, sometimes permanently. What struck me about the heartbreaking story below is how similar it is to those in the letters I receive, though few end so tragically.

The case is yet another example of anti-father family court bias, the utter lack of respect with which the father-child bond is treated, and how some mothers are able to get away with whatever they want regarding kids and child custody. If the system were fairer, if the system cared about Damion Peterson’s loving bonds with his son, the boy would still be alive today.

The full story is below–thanks to Don Mathis for sending it. To write a Letter to the Editor of Stars & Stripes, click on letters@stripes.com.

To learn more about the family law problems faced by military parents, see my co-authored column Laws Must Protect the Rights of Military Dads (Army Times, Marine Corps Times, 3/28/05).

Former airman shocked to learn his son has been dead for a year
By David Allen, Stars and Stripes
April 16, 2008

URUMA, Okinawa — It”s been a year since 8-year-old Jordan Peterson died from injuries allegedly inflicted in a beating by his stepfather at his off-base home in Uruma.

But it was just last week that Jordan”s real dad found out his son was gone.

“You can”t believe my shock,’ Damion Peterson said Monday in a telephone interview from his San Antonio home. “All in one day a friend said he had information that the military on Okinawa had investigated the possibility that Jordan was abused. And then I called my ex-mother-in-law to find out about the abuse and she tells me he”s been dead for a year.’

That was April 7. A Google search of his son”s name then brought home the horrible truth.

Peterson”s sister found a series of stories in Stars and Stripes that detailed Jordan”s death and the arrest — and later release — of the boy”s stepfather, Roberto Deleon, by Japanese police who alleged the child was beaten to death.

“My brother was devastated,’ Marlo Saenz said. “The divorce was horrible, but he had always hoped to see Jordan again. He was the sweetest little boy.’

Peterson, 32-year-old former airman now living in Texas, said he had been estranged from his ex-wife for four years and she refused to let him have contact with his son during most of that time. He said she left him while they were living in Germany and he lost the ability to have Jordan for the summer visitations spelled out in their divorce decree.

“I was single, living in the dorms,’ Peterson said. “I couldn”t keep him with me.’

He said he continued to have child support taken out of his paycheck, but had infrequent phone contact.

“She”d tell me Jordan did not want to talk to me,’ he said.

Tulsa, OK–A salute to 17-year-old Cody Phillips, who saved a five-year-old boy from a pit bull attack.

Teen saves child from dog attack
By DEON HAMPTON
Tulsa World, 4/15/2008

The 5-year-old apparently scaled a 6-foot fence and entered a yard containing pit bulls.

A Tulsa teen saved a child who was being attacked by a pair of pit bulls Saturday afternoon, authorities said.

Cody Phillips, 17, was cleaning the garage when he heard his mother scream, “They’re attacking him.”

“Him” was a 5-year-old boy who had wandered into a neighbor’s yard.

Phillips, a Union High School student, rushed to the child’s aid, scaring the dogs away.

“He’s a hero,” said Sgt. Jeff Davis.

Tulsa police responded to a dog-bite call in the 3700 block of 142nd East Ave. at 4 p.m., Davis said.

The boy, whose identity wasn’t released, sustained multiple bites on his head and legs, officers said.

He was taken to a nearby hospital in good condition, Davis said.

Apparently, the boy, who lives two homes from Phillips, climbed over a 6-foot fence and into an adjacent yard where the two dogs were, police said.

Officers shot and killed one of the dogs, Davis said.

The other was taken to Tulsa Animal Shelter where quarantine tests for rabies will be conducted, he said.

If the tests are positive, the boy will have to undergo a series of rabies shots, Davis said.

Phillips and his mother, Shannon Ash, were cleaning the garage when Ash heard the boy screaming from next door.

Phillips rushed from the garage and jumped over his neighbor’s fence to help the boy, Ash said.

“Blood was all over his head and legs,” Phillips said.

“I was running so fast that I spooked the dogs and they ran in an opposite direction,” he said.

“If it wasn’t for Phillips, the child would have sustained more injuries,” Davis said…

Read the full article here. Thanks to Bernie, a reader, for the story.

Reno, NE–Background: In June 2006, Darren Mack, a wealthy Nevada father who was involved in a divorce, stabbed his estranged wife to death and then executed a well-planned murder attempt on a Nevada judge. Mack shot and wounded the judge but failed to kill him.

At the time of Mack”s murder spree, I wrote:

“I condemn without qualification the crimes allegedly committed by Darren Mack in Nevada last week. Mack was angered by his divorce and custody case. Some on the not insubstantial lunatic fringe of the fathers’ rights movement see Mack as some sort of freedom fighter. Most of the commentary by other fathers’ rights advocates seem to be of the ‘he couldn’t take it anymore and snapped” variety. I don’t buy it.”

My position on Mack has inspired a lot of hostility from some posters on other men’s and fathers’ rights blogs. In February Mack got what he deserved–a life sentence. To learn more, see my blog post Justice Is Served: Darren Mack Gets Life Sentence.

All of my previous posts about the Mack case can be seen here.

Below I have the video of the last 10 minutes before Darren Mack (pictured right) shoots Judge Weller (pictured above). This is from the court hearing on May 24 2006. It was the last legal proceeding or interaction of any kind between Mack and Weller before Darren Mack killed Charla and shot Weller with a sniper rifle from over 100 yards away on June 12, 2006.

At the time of this hearing, the Macks shared 50-50 joint physical custody of their now 10-year-old daughter Erika. The Macks were still working out remaining issues in their divorce, and a subsequent hearing was scheduled for September 2006.

Readers can watch the interaction between the Macks, their attorneys, and Judge Weller and decide for themselves. Did Weller mistreat Darren Mack? Is the “tyrant in black robes” who pushed Mack over the edge?

To watch the video, click here or see below.

[youtube:http://youtube.com/watch?v=65sgL8bZAqA]

Los Angeles, CA–“My dad was out there today, keeping me calm…I love my dad and I miss him very much.”

Tiger Woods’ father Earl died in 2006 at age 74. In this video clip, Tiger Woods talks about how much his late father Earl meant to him, as he accepts his 11th major golf trophy.

Eugene Robinson wrote in the Washington Post:

“Earl Woods did much more than raise a supremely talented golfer. In an age when it’s rare to read a sentence with the words ‘African American’ and ‘father’ that doesn’t also include ‘absent’ or some other pejorative, Earl and Tiger Woods were the world’s most visible, and inspiring, counterexample. ‘He was the person I looked up to more than anyone,’ Tiger Woods said following his father’s death, and even the world’s biggest cynic had to know he meant every word.

“To me, the two defining aspects of Tiger Woods’s career have been his supernatural ability to make a golf ball do impossible things and his relationship with his father. Two moments stand out: The Sunday afternoon in 1997 when Tiger became the first black man ever to win the Masters and cried like a little boy in the arms of his father, who was there against doctor’s orders after almost dying in heart surgery. And the Sunday afternoon in 2005 when Tiger won his fourth Masters and cried again, because Earl Woods, for the first time, had been too sick to come to the course and root him on.”

To watch the video of Tiger talking about his dad, click here or see below.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpnbddQUEi8&feature=related]

Austin, TX–As a former high school teacher, I can understand teachers’ annoyance with cell phones and phone calls, but the school seems to have really overreacted here. Thanks to Kelly, a reader, for sending the story.

Student suspended for answering call from dad in Iraq
KXAN, 4/15/08

AUSTIN, Texas (KXAN) — A call from a parent stationed in a war zone has landed a Texas high school student in hot water, and his mother is asking the school to ease up on the punishment.

The Copperas Cove High School sophomore received an urgent call from his father and was suspended after taking the call during class.

Master Sgt. Morris Hill is a world away in Iraq, so he had no idea that a simple call from the battlefield to his son, Brandon, would land the 16-year-old in a heap of trouble.

“He called me during class, because that’s the only time that he could,” said Brandon Hill, suspended for using a cell phone. “I answered the call as I was walking out of class. The teacher followed me out and said, ‘Oh what are you doing?’ I said my dad was calling from Iraq, and I know he needs to talk to me.”

At the high school, which is 85 miles from Austin, students are not allowed to carry cell phones.

Yet Pat Hill said before her husband left for Iraq, he made a special arrangement with the assistant principal.

“He had spoken with Mr. Fletcher,” said Pat Hill. “He thought there was an agreement understood that if he called either Joshua or Brandon at school, that everything was fine.

Brandon Hill was sent to the office and suspended for two days for answering his father’s call.

“It’s crazy with everything that’s going on,” Brandon Hill said.

“If this would have been the last phone call from my husband, and he’s in trouble for it and then has to deal with something happening to his dad that would be even harder,” Pat Hill said. She added that she was outraged her son was suspended, and then it took a week to get a meeting with the principal.

Read the full article here.

 [In October, 2006, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court heard a custody dispute between two lesbian women over a child they had both helped raise. Although plaintiff A.H. was not the biological mother of the child, she had been deeply involved in raising the child, and the child was closely bonded to her. Fathers and Families supported A.H.”s right to continue as a de facto parent after the couple split up. Although Fathers & Families has taken no position on same-sex parenting in general, once a close bond between a de facto parent and a child has been formed, we think it is harmful to the child to break this bond. So we wrote a detailed amicus brief supporting the child”s right to continue to have A.H. as a de facto parent–to read it, click here.   
 
A second piece of this puzzle was that A.H. had served as the main breadwinner in this family. Some influential legal authorities, such as the American Law Institute, hold that breadwinning does not qualify one for custody or visitation rights. This archaic view works against any parent who shoulders the economic responsibilities of a family. So our brief detailed how this legal nonsense works against children’s best interests.
 
Unfortunately, the high court of Massachusetts found against A.H. It did state, however, that the anti-breadwinning principle may not be an appropriate way to make custody and visitation decisions for married parents who are divorcing. This is a potentially important statement. Sadly, recent reports suggest that the biological mom has cut A.H. off almost completely from the child.
 
Now comes a similar story from Glenn Sacks, but this time from Vermont and Virginia.–Ned Holstein, M.D., M.S.]

Virginia–According to Virginia Supreme Court to Weigh in on Lesbian Couple’s Custody Battle (CNSNews.com, April 15, 2008):

“The Virginia Supreme Court will hear oral arguments Thursday in a case involving a lesbian couple fighting over who gets full custody of a five-year-old girl. Janet Jenkins, former partner of Lisa Miller, is suing for custody of Miller’s biological daughter even though Jenkins is not an adoptive or biological parent.

“Jenkins and Miller (pictured with their baby) entered into a Vermont civil union in 2000 while living in Virginia. Miller got pregnant through artificial insemination from an anonymous donor and gave birth to her daughter in Virginia. The relationship eventually ended.”

I’ve covered this case on numerous occasions. After their breakup, Miller, the biological mother, moved to Virginia with their daughter Isabella, won sole custody, and excluded Jenkins from the girl”s life. Miller”s actions read like a checklist of what heterosexual women sometimes do to the fathers of their children, including: move the child far away; deny the noncustodial parent the opportunity to visit or co-parent the child; make an unsupported, dubious and oh-so-convenient accusation of abuse against the noncustodial parent; and pretend that the noncustodial parent is out-of-line or acting against the child”s best interests by wanting to continue the relationship with the child.

In my co-authored column, Ruling in Vermont Same-Sex Child Custody Case: Lesbian Moms, Divorced Dads in Same Boat (Rutland Herald & various others, 12/10/06), I supported lesbian social mom Janet Jenkins in her struggle to remain a part of her daughter’s life. I wrote:

“In a highly-publicized new decision, a Virginia appeals court ruled recently in favor of a lesbian social/non-biological mother in her custody battle against her child”s biological mother. The former couple, Lisa Miller and Janet Jenkins, joined in a same-sex civil union in Vermont in 2000 and had a child together in 2002. After their breakup, Miller, the biological mother, moved to Virginia with their daughter Isabella, won sole custody, and excluded Jenkins from the girl”s life.

“Opponents of gay marriage, gay activists and the media have focused almost exclusively on the new decision”s impact on same-sex marriage. Lost in this, however, is the fact that the case is a textbook example of one of America”s greatest social problems–the refusal of many divorcing mothers to allow their children to continue to have a relationship with their former spouses.

“During Jenkins” and Miller”s same sex-union Jenkins did everything she could do to be a good parent to their child. She was involved with the pregnancy from the beginning, was present in the delivery room, worked to support the family, and played an important role in Isabella”s life. Following their breakup she was granted visitation rights but Miller refused to comply. After the new ruling, Miller’s side vowed to further appeal the case to deny Jenkins access to the girl. Miller says she does not want Jenkins to have any visitation rights, and has not allowed her to see their daughter since 2004.

“Increasingly, other lesbian social mothers are suffering similar injustices. For example, in the A.H. v. M.P. case currently before the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court, the trial court ruled against A.H., a lesbian social mother, who had been the primary breadwinner for her partner M.P. and their young son. After separation M.P. sought to minimize A.H.’s role in the boy”s life, arguing that since A.H. was not the child”s primary caregiver, she should not receive joint custody of the boy…

“The problems heterosexual mothers create for their children and their ex-partners have been largely ignored, partly due to misleading stereotypes of abusive and/or ‘deadbeat’ fathers. Today fit, loving, lesbian social mothers like Jenkins and A.H. and their children face similar mistreatment. Ladies, welcome to the club.”

To learn more, see my blog posts Lesbian Mom Describes How She Got the Dad Treatment, Part I & Part II.

Los Angeles, CA–The Parental Alienation Awareness Organization/ www.Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com has made more progress in gaining recognition of Parental Alienation, as three new states now recognize Parental Alienation Awareness Day–Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, and New York. This brings the total to 13 U.S. states, as well as Bermuda.

To learn more about Parental Alienation Awareness Day, visit the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization’s website www.Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com. To learn how to get involved, contact Sarvy Emo at Tel: 416-840-5654, Fax: 866-232-8134 or at info@parental-alienation-awareness.com.

Australia–“Birthday boy Brian McFadden has revealed the bitter stalemate which exists between the Irish crooner and his ex-wife Kerry Katona. Despite being happily engaged to Sydney songbird Delta Goodrem (pictured), the former Westlife singer has made a rare admission about the poisonous relationship between him and the mother of his two daughters.

“Lamenting spending his birthday alone over the weekend – with Goodrem on promo duties in the US and his children in Katona’s custody in the UK – McFadden said he was kept from his kids by his ex.

“Asked in an Australian radio interview this week if he’d received birthday messages from his daughters, Molly-Marie, 6, and Lilly-Sue, 5, a mopey McFadden carded Katona:

“‘When they’re not with me, the other side isn’t too keen on helping (connect) like that. And I wouldn’t accept them – (birthday cards) would probably have anthrax in them or something.'”

Rich man or poor man, famous or obscure, the story of the vindictive ex separating children from their father somehow always seems the same.

The full article is Brian bemoans toxic ex-wife (Daily Telegraph, 4/15/08). Thanks to Steve Bayliss for sending it.