Author: Super User

I’ve often noted that the media is very hesitant to use the term “domestic violence” when the victim is a man. The story “Victim of Domestic Violence Dies at Hospital” from Eyewitness News in Memphis is a commendable exception. Read the story here. To commend the station for its story, write to newsdesk@myeyewitnessnews.com.

To learn more about the problems with the way our media and legal system treat domestic violence, click here.

BTW, for those who insist that DV against men isn’t serious, in this case the man died. The killer will probably claim she’s a victim of abuse and get off with a slap on the wrist, as many women who kill their husbands or boyfriends do. We’ll see.

[Note: If you or someone you love is being abused, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women provides crisis intervention and support services to victims of domestic violence and their families.]

Boston, MA-Judge Paula M. Carey has been named to succeed Chief Justice of the Probate and Family Courts Sean M. Dunphy, who will retire on September 30, 2007.

Judge Carey is best known in the popular media for strictly enforcing the child support obligations of singer Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston”s ex-husband and father of two children with Kim Ward.

In my experience, Judge Carey is intelligent, thoughtful, likable, and respectful towards many points of view. I have seen no indication, however, that she has any basic disagreements with the traditional practices of the family courts with which we disagree.

Fort Lauderdale, Florida-CNN has concealed the name of a perpetrator of “paternity fraud”. Why?

Francisco Rodriquez is the victim of an ordinary case of paternity fraud. The state of Florida insists that he owes $10,000 in back child support payments for a fifteen year old girl who, according to DNA results, is not his daughter. The state even jailed Rodriquez for failure to pay.

Here is my twist on this otherwise ordinary case: In reporting this story, CNN refused to divulge the name of the mother  —  a perpetrator of fraud who wrongly named Mr. Rodriquez the father. Why did CNN protect her? She is not a victim. She is a perpetrator.

Mr. Rodriquez is struggling to support a family and cannot afford to pay $305 per month to support the girl. Mrs. Rodriquez says “It’s hard when your daughter needs sneakers and you have to pay $305 or your husband goes to jail. It’s just unfair.”

We call on CNN to reveal the name of the mother, as they would for any other story involving fraud.

Okay, for those of you who do not understand paternity fraud, here’s how it works. The mother wrongly named Mr. Rodriquez the father of the girl in about 2000. The court sent legal papers to an outdated address for Mr. Rodriquez, but no serious effort was made to find him — until, of course, substantial child support arrearages had built up three years later. When he did not appear in court, because he never received the legal notices, the court named him the father and began accumulating child support arrearages. When they found him in 2003, it was already too late for him to contest the finding of the court in 2000 that he was the father., based only on the mother’s say-so. All the DNA tests in the world will not get him off the hook now for paying child support, and even from being jailed.

This story is not just about helping out a fifteen year girl in need. By insisting that Mr. Rodriquez pay child support for this girl, Florida is hurting the three other children Rodriquez supports with his wife.

Of course, this does not stop the apologists for an unjust law. Susan Paikin of the Center for Support of Families in Delaware offers the platitude, “There are no perfect answers.” Actually, there are some simple answers, such as 1) insist that unwed mothers disclose ALL the possible fathers of their children; 2) institute universal DNA testing at the time of birth if the parents are unwed; 3) make a serious attempt to find biological fathers at the time of birth, not just after they owe child support arrearages, at which time our government suddenly becomes very interested in finding them. (Fathers & Families supports a bill in the Massachusetts Legislature that would institute near-universal DNA testing in such cases.)

DNA testing did not exist when these laws were written. Let’s use it for everyone’s benefit. It is best for children if we identify their true biological fathers right from birth, for medical reasons and so they can enjoy the lifelong support of their true fathers.

And finally, why should CNN protect a mother who outright lied, or, at the very least, failed to tell the whole truth about the father of her child?

How to Increase the Marriage Rate.  Professor Gordon Finley hits the nail on the head in USA Today.

Miami, Florida–Professor Gordon Finley of Florida International University published a great letter today in USA Today. His letter, reproduced below with his permission, tells us that marriage rates cannot be improved without first removing gender-based biases from divorce court. It is a nice, succinct statement of the problem.

Fear of divorce stunts many young adults’ decision to marry
Gordon E. Finley, Professor of psychology, Florida International University – Miami

While social science commentators quoted in USA TODAY’s article gave a variety of reasons for why young adults are delaying marriage, they omitted the most critical: divorce (“Young adults delaying marriage,” Life, Wednesday).

With a 50% divorce rate for first marriages, women overwhelmingly initiating divorce and mothers getting custody about 85% of the time while fathers get visitation, child support and alimony, it is easy to see why any man wouldn’t want to get married.

Further, many of these young adults are children of divorce who know firsthand the consequences.

If one wants to increase marriage rates, one first must reform divorce laws to make them equitable for both fathers and mothers and help children maintain relationships with both parents.

Judge Paula M. Carey Named Chief Justice of the Probate and Family Courts in Massachusetts September 18th, 2007 by Ned Holstein, M.D. CNN Protects Perpetrator of Fraud September 18th, 2007 by Ned Holstein, M.D. How to Increase the Marriage Rate. Professor Gordon Finley hits the nail on the head in USA Today. September 18th, 2007 by Ned Holstein, M.D. An ‘Elian Gonzalez in Reverse’ Case September 13th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks His Side with Glenn Sacks Radio Commentary: Texas Supreme Court Gets It Right in Frozen Embryo Case September 13th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks
Iraq Veteran Wins Custody of Two Surviving Kids After His Son Was Beaten to Death September 13th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks Former NFL Star Bennie Blades Pays over $1 Million in Child Support, Yet Is Jailed for Being a ‘Deadbeat Dad’ September 11th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks Ouch–‘I think my mom and dad are fighting because of me’ September 11th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks ‘If the family court system had even once punished her for false allegations, maybe my family would not have suffered so much’ September 11th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks NOW takes fatherhood programs to court. What do they oppose? September 7th, 2007 by Ned Holstein, M.D. Do children of divorce want more or less involvement with their fathers? What did researchers find? September 7th, 2007 by Ned Holstein, M.D. ‘The Bronx Is Burning,’ Billy Martin, & the Misleading ‘Paternal Abandonment Script’ September 6th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks Two Heroic Wives Remained Loyal to Their Husbands as They Served Three Decades in Prison for a Crime They Didn’t Commit August 28th, 2007 by Glenn Sacks

When children of divorce or separation are being abused in a mother’s home and the children are taken by the state, they should be placed with their father ASAP, barring a finding of unfitness. One of the problems with the child welfare system is that this is often not the case.

In Choosing Foster Parents over Fathers (San Diego Union-Tribune, 7/11/07), family law attorney Jeff Leving and I discussed research from the Urban Institute which shows that the child welfare system usually denies fit, loving fathers the opportunity to raise their own children.

In the Gary Smith Jr. case discussed below, Smith’s ex-wife left their three kids in the care of her boyfriend while deployed overseas. The boyfriend beat one of the boys to death, yet the system still dragged its feet in granting the father custody of the surviving two children. Leving, who represented Smith in the case, told the Chicago Tribune that child-welfare officials should have moved the surviving children quickly to his client, explaining, “It’s sad that he had to hire me and go through these maneuvers to safeguard his other children.”

The article is below–congratulations to Leving for his good work in reuniting this father and his children. A news video about the case can be seen here. Smith and Leving are pictured above.

Slain boy’s father awarded custody of his 2 other kids
Iraq veteran divorces child’s mother, whose boyfriend is suspect
By Michael Higgins
Chicago Tribune, September 7, 2007

The father of a 4-year-old Calumet City boy who was beaten to death in May was granted permanent custody of his two other children under a divorce settlement approved Thursday.

Gary Smith Jr. was serving in the Army in Iraq when he learned that his son Cameron had been killed.

Unbeknownst to him, Smith said, his then-wife, Lavada Smith, had placed the couple’s children in the care of her boyfriend, who was later charged with the 4-year-old’s murder.

On Thursday, Cook County Circuit Judge Karen Shields approved the settlement, which allows Smith to take Cameron’s siblings, ages 7 and 8, to live with him in Georgia.

“I wanted my kids to be safe,” Smith said after the hearing. “I want them to be able to go to school without thinking about bad things that happened here.”

Lavada Smith is allowed visitation under the settlement. She could not be reached for comment after the hearing.

Shields praised the couple Thursday for reaching a compromise that she said put their children’s interests first. “I think you’re probably doing the best you can with a really bad situation,” Shields said.

Speaking after the hearing, Gary Smith said he still considers his former wife to be a good mother. But he said she made a terrible mistake when she was deployed to Iraq herself and left their children with Donell Parker of Calumet City.

Parker has pleaded not guilty in the boy’s death.

Gary Smith’s attorney, Jeffery Leving, said after the hearing Thursday that child-welfare officials should have moved the surviving children quickly to his client. “It’s sad that he had to hire me and go through these maneuvers to safeguard his other children,” Leving said.

Cameron was discovered lifeless in his bed. Calumet City police said the boy endured two days of being punched in the head, stomach, chest and back. He was beaten with a belt as well, police said.

“Nobody who knows me well can ever say I wasn’t a father to these kids.”–former NFL Star Bennie Blades

“They couldn’t be any closer”–the mother of one of Blades’ children, describing the boy’s relationship with Bennie Blades, his father

How can a man pay $1.3 million after-tax dollars in child support and then be arrested for being a “deadbeat dad”? It happened to former NFL star Bennie Blades in 2005.

Blades was working as a substitute teacher in Broward County, Florida when he was arrested. His football career was cut short by a painful injury, and even his NFL retirement pension was taken from him for child support. Blades was by all accounts a dedicated father, who was even publicly praised by his exes after his arrest.

Blades certainly made mistakes. However, the child support system and family law system often milks high-earners with transitory incomes, such as professional athletes and entertainers, leaving them with little after their careers are over. During Blades career he was apparently paying half his after-tax income in child support.

As Detroit Free Press columnist Michael Rosenberg explains in his column below, Blades has a strong relationship with his children. His mistreatment at the hands of Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox is outrageous, and symbolizes much of what’s wrong with the child support system.

In the eyes of the state, Bennie Blades is a deadbeat dad
Detroit Free Press, 4/29/05

DETROIT _ On Feb. 17, at the behest of the State of Michigan, police arrested a substitute teacher at Piper High School in Sunrise, Fla.

The substitute teacher spent a week in Broward County Jail in Florida. Then he was shipped off to Michigan _ almost two weeks on a bus, stopping only to eat fast food or bologna sandwiches at jails along the way.

He was not allowed to bathe or brush his teeth. As the bus transported accused criminals throughout the Eastern states, he was forced to sit all day and night, which was extremely painful because the substitute teacher has chipped vertebrae in his neck, an injury he suffered when he played safety in the NFL.

“I’m like, `This is very humiliating,'” recalled Bennie Blades, a Detroit Lions star from 1988-96. “You had to eat with your hands shackled basically down to your lap.”

When he arrived in Michigan on March 8 _ 19 days after his arrest _ Blades was still wearing the same Old Navy blue jeans, printed blue shirt and white Pumas he was wearing when he was arrested.

Now Blades, who has been released on bail, faces two charges. The first is felony non-support for his daughter Ashley, who lives with her mother, Yolande Healey, in Southfield, Mich. At one point, Blades owed nearly $400,000 in child support for Ashley. She is one of his six children with six women.

The other charge is for failing to appear at a Jan. 7 court hearing in the case.

Mix those ingredients together: Former NFL star. Nine million dollars in career earnings. Six kids with six women. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support.

And a state attorney general who has made deadbeat dads a top priority.

And one mother who wants Blades to pay up.

And three other mothers who say he doesn’t have the money.

Oh, and don’t forget those six kids. Please don’t forget them.

They all had something at stake that February day when the cops showed up at Piper High. And as Bennie Blades was whisked out of the school parking lot, he didn’t bother asking what he should do with his car, a 1994 Honda Accord with more than 135,000 miles on it.

“We just left it there,” Blades said with a laugh. “I don’t think anybody is going to steal that.”

When Blades was first arrested for this case, in November 2003, Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox received a rousing standing ovation from himself.

“Once again let me send this message: Deadbeats that shirk their parental responsibilities risk incarceration,” Cox said in a press release. “Whether that parent works in construction or played safety for the Detroit Lions, failure to pay child support will have consequences.”

It is easy to paint Blades as a villain.

That is, if you’re looking for villains.

But what if you are more worried about Bianca Blades, Bennie’s 11-year-old daughter, who sees her dad regularly?

Read the full article here.

Background: Charlotte Hardwick’s Dear Judge (Kid’s Letters to the Judge) is a fascinating collection of letters which children caught in divorces have written to family law judges.

In the letter below, a young girl blames herself for her parents’ divorce.

Dear Judge,I think my mom and dad are fighting because of me. Could you put me in a new family so my mom and dad can be happy again?Sandy S.